A Little Wicked
by livixbobbiex
Summary: Betrothed to a lord far from home, Nagisa has no choice but to go along with his mother's mad claims that he's female, a noble lady of marriageable age. With his (ex-assassin) handmaiden's guidance, however, he realises his unfortunate position could actually bring him the freedom he's always desired, along with all of Lord Karma's power and money. Only if he kills him, of course.
1. I'm falling deep into a pit of vipers

The wind blew fiercely underneath Nagisa's many skirts, making him cringe from the cold rushing up to lick at his mostly unshielded behind. House Akabane's extensive lands were in a far more temperate climate, but this was the halfway point between their two spheres of influence. The perfect space to make an exchange, for Nagisa to surrender everything about his past life, including his own free will.

Nagisa didn't like the way the man under Akabane's banner was looking at him. He was a lot taller than Nagisa, though that wasn't saying much, and used his superior height to look down at him. His gaze wasn't violent, in fact if anything it was _too_ kind. Catching Nagisa's direct line of sight, he licked his lips suggestively. Perhaps his disguise was too convincing.

"Time for the ceremony," Irina, his handmaiden, whispered into his ear. "This is the hardest part."

He didn't know much about Boy Lord. There were the political facts, of course, the things every good nobleborn child was taught. Nagisa knew that Lord Akabane, _Karma_ , would have a long list of expectations for his future wife. He knew that his parents had both been fierce warriors, the unfortunate turn of one battle rendering him the man of the house at just eleven years old. He knew that they were almost the same age. But, Nagisa knew nothing of his personality, nothing except hearsay of violence and exploits. Irina said he was very lucky to now be pawned off to some old, rich Lord, ninety percent of the way to death already. For Nagisa, that would have meant a shorter time in captivity.

Not that he was intending to be married to Lord Akabane for long, of course.

"May I present Lady Nagisa of House Shiota," one of his father's servants announced proudly.

One of the Akabane men, thankfully not the one staring him down, stepped forward. "Karasuma," he bowed. "I am the Lord's personal bodyguard, and will therefore serve you as well. It is with regret that the Lord is not able to greet you here himself today."

Nagisa curtseyed in respect, a movement he'd been learning since he could walk. He wanted to politely thank the man for his kindness and warm greeting, but that wasn't appropriate as the bride to be. That was what his father's guard was there to do, to be his voice. Nagisa didn't even get to sign his own name on the marriage documents.

The man, Karasuma, sighed exaggeratedly to himself. "No need to waste time. We'll go on with the ceremony. Lady Nagisa," he gestured him forward.

"Pardon!" Irina stepped up, eyes wild with danger. "I must protect my lady's virtue!"

The man who'd been eyeing Nagisa laughed. "Get over it, slave. It's custom."

Nagisa glanced nervously at her. They could lose everything here. It was common, in the western kingdoms, for the bride to be cleansed of their old lives in the Hand Over. For royalty that would probably mean a bath, but it seemed they were skipping that step. Still, Nagisa would have to completely strip in front of these strangers, and that would be a huge problem, as they'd surely notice his _definite_ masculinity.

"Our customs must be respected too," Irina pushed. "For a group of men to see a Noble Lady naked may as well be the loss of her virtue."

He snarled. "Who let this bitch speak?"

Nagisa's guard cleared his throat. "Forgive this servant. She was a foreign whore, and forgets herself. However, she does speak the truth of our customs."

Karasuma held a hand up towards the other man, silencing him. "If Lady Shiota wishes to get changed in her carriage, then it will be permitted."

He didn't wait for him to change his mind. Nagisa dipped his head politely, and then climbed back into the carriage. Women's clothes were so fiddly, he'd been wearing them constantly for almost a year now as this contract was drafted and negotiated, and he still wasn't used to it. For once, he was almost glad that Irina climbed in to help him.

"Nagisa," she said, closing the door behind her, "that was a good performance."

He did his best to hide his flush. "I only did as we practised."

Irina smirked. "Our plan is in motion. These clothes are disgusting, though."

They were… certainly plain. Nagisa knew that House Akabane was frighteningly rich, their lands stretching out to the ocean, allowing them to trade spices and other goods. Far richer than anywhere Nagisa had visited himself, anyway. But the gown Nagisa had worn looked of far greater value than the grey and almost shapeless robes presented to him. Was this supposed to be an insult?

Once Irina helped him slip them on, however, he discovered that they were _practical_. He could move freely in them, and the fabric was breathable. His handmaiden seemed to be thinking the same thing, as she reached into the chest, producing the knife Nagisa had been training with since early adolescence, concealed in its sheath.

"Eastern steel is far superior," she said, reaching under the skirt to strap it to his thigh, concealed from sight. "Westerners make their blades more durable, but, well," Irina smirked, "you'll kill with the first blow."

Nagisa flinched, as she removed the ties from his hair. They, too, counted as foreign property. He hated the way his hair looked when it flowed freely, though it did add to his femininity. There was nothing in the carriage to show him his reflection, but he knew he would have hated it. At least the cool metal now fastened to him was a reminder of what he needed to do.

"Just remember," she said lowly, "just a few more weeks, and we'll both be free. You'll get to be Lord Nagisa, to claim your birth right."

He nodded, and exited the carriage again. Karasuma's eyes raked over him from head to toe, showing no other emotion as he gestured towards their own carriage. Though it went against all he'd promised to himself, he allowed himself one moment to turn his head back, looking at the carriage and his guard and his old land for one last time.

The guard lowered his head, his eyes showing a hint of sadness and regret. If all went well, then perhaps Nagisa would see him again. For now, though, he had to play his part. He turned back, lowered his head once again, and approached the area in which Karasuma and his men were standing. He didn't see any carriages waiting around for him though.

"Your horse," Karasuma gestured.

Irina rushed forwards, hiking her skirt up to travel more quickly. "Where's the carriage?!"

He didn't seem too bothered at her protests. "There is no carriage."

"You expect us to _ride_?" She looked as though she was about to explode. "My clothes- I mean, my Lady's clothes

"It's okay," Nagisa spoke finally. A part of him was excited. He hadn't been allowed to ride since he was a young boy, and he missed the rush of horseback.

One of the other men promptly placed down some wooden steps, and assisted Nagisa in mounting the horse. Since he was still relatively short, it felt amazing to be so high up above the world. Irina still complained of course, complaining about her satin as she took her own ride. Honestly, Nagisa begun to understand the appeal of the new clothes. His old gown would have been far to restricting to allow a comfortable ride. So this was how they functioned in the Western Lands.

He wanted to speak up, when one of the men moved to lead his horse on foot. But he did hold his tongue. It wasn't typical for a noble born lady to know how to ride. He wasn't exactly in a hurry to meet his betrothed, anyway. There were still days until the wedding, where Nagisa would have to play the nice and obedient guest, and he wanted to keep that period of time as short as possible.

Even as a child, Nagisa had never really been outside the own safe boarders of his home. He hadn't seen vast oceans and forests and rolling hills with his own eyes, only in books and paintings. It was mostly just fields and a few trees dotted around, but it was still exciting. He wondered where they were going to sleep for the night, since the journey to this point had already taken five days.

When the sun went down, he found out, when their group finally came to a stop. Nagisa was about to question it, when tents were erected with quick precision, like they'd done this many times before. He'd never slept in a tent, like a soldier. Irina had, by the looks of it, and she didn't seem happy.

"We'll ride on in the morning," Karasuma said, "the weather will be fine. I'll be posted outside all night."

Irina practically dragged him inside, sending the man an incredibly dirty look. There wasn't a lot either of them could discuss, the thin material the only barrier. Nagisa wasn't provided with any other clothes, either, and so he ended up just curling into a ball. He definitely wasn't about to try and share body heat with Irina, turning around before she could even suggest it.

They rode on for four more days. By the second, Nagisa's butt was starting to get sore, and soon became almost unbearable pain. At this rate, Nagisa wouldn't be able to sit at his own wedding feast. The only thing distracting him was the sea, the vastness and scent of it baffling him. They passed through fishing village after fishing village, each one bigger than the last. It was unlikely any of the people living there would have seen his portrait, so nobody spared him more than the odd glance.

Eventually, it made way for bigger harbours, and then suddenly they were riding into an almost hilariously over militarised fort, compared to the rest of its surroundings. But he supposed the late Lord did die in combat. Really, Nagisa was just relieved when his horse was lead through the huge gates, and gentle slowed to a stop. Before he really even had time to react, one of the men had his arms around him, lifting him down onto the ground.

There didn't seem to be much pomp and circumstance to their arrival. A few servants stopped in their motions, but none were lined up to greet him. Still, Nagisa smoothed out the skirt, and tilted his head up, looking towards the door. Karasuma, who Nagisa had come to realise was respected by everyone, cleared his throat, as though he was about to say something.

Before he could, the door was abruptly banged open, and then Nagisa met eyes with his future husband. In an objective sense, he could admit that the young lord could be considered handsome, from the one portrait he'd seen. This was not handsome. He looked angry, eyes a wild fire, almost like a boar. Stopping after a few paces, he held Nagisa's gaze, and his eyes opened up a little wider. If they hadn't been so doused in fury

Karasuma bowed, though Nagisa suspected that was purely on custom and not respect. "My Lord. Glad to see you didn't get yourself killed in my absence."

He held his glare. "Not for lack of trying."

Regaining his posture, Karasuma nodded. "May I introduce Lady Nagisa of House Shiota."

Very quickly, Nagisa realised he was a fish out of water. All his lessons, years of preparation, may as well be useless. The only charms he'd learnt were suited to the prim and proper, the type of lord who just wanted a silent yet aesthetically pleasing incubator for his heir. Nagisa got the feeling that _none_ of that would work here.

"Couldn't you give her a better dress?" The lord said, eyeing Nagisa up and down as if he were a pile of horse manure.

Karasuma sighed. "You didn't want to send the carriage, My Lord."

He shrugged. "I'm surprised she even got on the horse."

Nagisa wanted to yell out that he was _there_ , in case everyone else had forgotten. He understood it, though. Even impersonating a girl, he looked weak and frail. Not the type to put up with such a long journey on horseback. But that didn't really matter. It wasn't like he was going to be expected to do more than sit around this castle.

The young lord came a little closer. "You don't look like your portrait."

He choked on his air. Of course, Nagisa didn't doubt that. Even after having to pose for it for hours, he'd barely looked at it when it was finished. The outfit had been his mother's choice, naturally, and made him even more feminine than usual. Even if that _was_ the point. He just turned away, and like -that it was approved and shipped off to just about every unmarried lord in the known world.

Was it appropriate to reply? Though Nagisa was sure he wouldn't be immediately sent away in shame, he didn't want to take any risks so soon. Success here meant his knife buried in Lord Akabane's heart. Nagisa couldn't do that without getting close, and the only way that could happen was if they were married.

"Neither do you," Nagisa lowered his head and half bowed, before meeting his eye, "My Lord."

A part of him half expected swords to be drawn, but instead a glint came across The Lord's eyes. He hadn't been lying, those eyes looked brown in the painting. In reality, their colour was almost molten gold. Oddly enough, it seemed the anger was dropped, though Nagisa could tell there was something going on there.

"Let's get you inside," a woman cleared her throat, stepping in to break up the tension.

They continued to maintain eye contact, as a flurry of servants came out to grab his things. Irina had warned him not to get attached, had said that Nagisa didn't have experience in this kind of thing, and his heart could easily swayed. Maybe this character he was playing was beginning to convince even her. He knew though, looking straight into his betrothed's pupils, that nothing would change his plans. As if on cue, he inhaled sharply, turning away from Nagisa like he just got bitten.

That was all for their introduction, it seemed. Like that, he was back inside the castle, and Nagisa was left with a group of servants he didn't know. He had Irina of course, but if he actually referred to her as a servant he would probably be executed by her on the spot. His handmaiden hadn't been forced to sacrifice all her belongings from home, at least, so a few servants rushed forward to take it. Nagisa just had himself.

Realising that he was supposed to follow, Nagisa tentatively took pace behind the woman, one of the more senior servants perhaps. The castle wasn't the warmest looking of places. Most people decorated their homes at least, as a show of wealth. And Nagisa _knew_ this place had a lot of wealth. The lack of much of anything reminded him of his own home.

Just like the dress he was given, his chambers were just as grey and boring, practical. Though, Nagisa supposed logically there wasn't too much reason for anyone to decorate it for him. With his wedding day soon approaching, he'd be moved to the lord's room pretty quickly. The servants only gave him a quick explanation, that they'd come back to bathe him before the celebratory feast, and what Nagisa presumed was normal welcoming stuff.

Unlike most people of his station he hadn't been much of anywhere before. He'd never even left the walls of his own home unless he was in a dress and forced to keep quiet about it. It had taken Nagisa a while of course to realise that this was odd. That he was a _boy_ so why were the servants dressing him up like a _girl_. They'd hushed him of course, eyes darting round the corners as if they were very afraid.

His mother couldn't get to him here. Nagisa was surprised, honestly, because she couldn't control him now he'd been sold off. Evidently the Akabane soldiers and money were more important. But now he had some kind of prospect, rather than just moping around his home. That meant he couldn't be careless, as much as he hated this entire façade. He should probably reject the offer of help with bathing.

Irina waltzed off to her own chambers as soon as she couldn't, which Nagisa expected, and meant he was finally alone. There really wasn't a lot to do, even if the typical feminine hobbies were to be considered. He ended up sitting down by the mirror. Nothing new laid out for him, of course. Looking around the room, he managed to produce a bit of string, and he didn't waste time tying his hair back up. Nothing fancy of course, not on his own, he just gathered it at the back in a ponytail.

He couldn't help but feel like it was dangerous here. The way that man had looked at him for the last few days, the uneasy environment here, all of it seemed like a thousand disasters waiting to happen. Of course, a part of Nagisa knew it was very possible for him to die here, no matter what. It wasn't like he was unrealistic.

Eventually the servants did come in, with warm bathwater, though he dismissed them almost immediately. It was nice, at least, to wash the grime of such a long journey from his skin. He'd have loved to fall into bed after that, but then Irina was at his door, holding a brand new gown and embellishments. Yes, he had a feast to get to.

Neither of them said much to each other as she begun getting him dressed. It was an uncomfortable routine for the both of them, and always had been, since the day she even became his handmaiden a year ago. Maybe it was because they were no longer in his own home, but something seemed different. For such a formal occasion, it usually took longer to get his dress on.

"What's this?" Nagisa hissed, finally catching his own reflection.

She shrugged, moving to pin his hair up properly. "I was just told the lord requested it."

 _It_ was scandalous. Practically stuck to his skin, there wasn't a lot left to the imagination. He was lucky such a tight garment had just enough room in it to not expose his _secret_ to everyone. Still, there wasn't that much material elsewhere. He'd seen prostitutes wear more. Why was this a request, exactly? To show him off to their banquet guests? His fiancé had basically called him ugly during their interaction, so Nagisa was sure the most obvious reason wasn't it.

Even Irina couldn't hide it well. She laughed, and not in a friendly way.

"I can't go out like this!" Nagisa protested, the pitch of his voice raising in agony.

She looked him dead in the eye, turning far more serious. "You've come so close. I don't care if that brat wants you to cartwheel in your underwear whilst the entire country watches, you'll _do_ it because we are this close to our freedom," she squeezed her fingers together, to accentuate the point. "The more he desires you the better, anyway. Makes your job easier."

Nagisa's gaze dropped to the floor. "I don't think there's much desire involved."

" _Make_ him, then." She muttered something under her breath. "You know what you have to do, there's no way out of it now. So," she spun him around, checking his appearance over a final time, "go steal his heart. Then you can put a knife through it."

Their preparation time was up. It was time to attend his engagement feast, a hearty celebration to welcome him and mark the beginning of official preparations for the wedding. It was hard to feel like he wasn't walking straight into a funeral, though he kept his head poised up, and tried not to flush under the stares his attention was getting him even from the servants, as he made his way towards the banquet hall.


	2. A sense of poise and rationality

"Your mother requests your presence," one of the servants bowed at his door.

Nagisa had learnt by now what that meant. He saw the dress in her arms, and strongly considered running away. It would be easy enough, wouldn't it? It wasn't like Nagisa hadn't considered it before, nearly every time his mother wanted to speak to him. But, as much as he'd calculated every possible escape route out of this castle, the fear of 'what next' held him back. It wasn't a nice world outside these walls, and sacrificing his money and his name meant he had no way to live in it.

"Please not that one," he looked at the yellow, frilly thing.

The servant swallowed. "I'm sorry," she coughed, "m'lady. But I was specifically told."

Nagisa hated that these servants had to inflict this torture on him. It was kind enough that they even let him wear 'boy' clothes most of the time, since his mother spent her days hidden in her own chambers. Of course, none of them could say anything to his mother. If any word got out about her madness, then his castle and the servants within it would become an easy target. Better to dress Nagisa up and let him suffer.

He didn't try and run from her, resigning to his fate. He allowed the shirt and trousers to be stripped from him, a white under gown and corset replacing them. Nagisa hated corsets. Although he was unfortunate enough to naturally have a more feminine shape to his body, it only enhanced it, and made it incredibly difficult to breathe.

Eventually the horrific thing was on him, and his hair was forced to flow down and long. Nagisa knew he didn't want to face anybody like this, but that was his fate. With a curt nod to the servant, Nagisa left his rooms, trying to ignore the way they all looked at him in pity as he was practically escorted to the great hall. It must be somewhat important, then.

His mother was sitting in her chair, eyes drawn up with a cruel smile. "Ah, my darling Nagisa. More beautiful with every growing day."

"Good morning," Nagisa forced out, with the fear of what might happen to him if he appeared rude.

"No need to look so upset," she pursed her lips, "I have wonderful news. My advisors and I have almost secured you a husband."

It felt as though the ground had opened up and swallowed him whole. A husband?! Nagisa could play along with his mothers… control games, if it meant saving one of her moods, but this was taking it too far. Whether she liked it or not, he was _male_. He couldn't be married to another man. For starters, he could hardly hide his gender in a marriage bed, where any woman would be expected to provide heirs. Had she thought that far?

He heard the way the servants whispered about her. How she'd turned mad since the day he was born, only to be turned worse after the death of his father. Most women, he knew, would have been overjoyed, or at least relieved, to have produced a male first born. But she'd been convinced, to her bone, that he was somehow a girl. With his father's death so soon after, she was effectively in control. Nobody dared cross her in her condition. Thankfully, she didn't directly contact Nagisa too much, but this was taking it too far.

Nagisa trembled where he stood. "You have to stop this," he got out.

"I know the feeling, my Nagisa," she smiled sadly, clutching his face between her hands. "I was young once too, engaged to a man I didn't know. But, it's a fate you must take. Lord Akabane was born the winter after you. You're almost the same age. More importantly, he's very rich. It's a near perfect match, the best you can pray for."

"But I'm not a girl!" Nagisa finally released. "H-he'd find out!"

"Shut up!" She slapped him, hard. Glaring at the way the servants flinched under her actions, she smoothed out her gown. "There, that's enough silliness. You are right in that your feminine charms seem to be lacking… Your looks can only get you so far. But I have a solution for that."

With the snap of her fingers, a door was drawn open, and a strange looking woman was brought in. Based on the way a guard gripped tightly at her shoulders, she wasn't here willingly. She looked nothing like any of the servants, or even occasional nobles, that Nagisa had seen before. And her clothes did little to hide her form.

"Daughter, this is your new tutor."

The woman looked up at Nagisa's mother in alarm, though she didn't say anything. There was a kind of murderous wildness in her eyes that sent a chill running down his spine. If he had to guess, he'd say she was foreign. Unfortunately Nagisa had the displeasure of wearing gowns from all over the kingdom, and whilst her dress looked expensive he'd never seen fabric like it.

His mother cleared her throat again. "She's just a courtesan, jailed for trying to murder one of her clients. But, I think some of her specific skills may be useful to you."

Nagisa couldn't help but wonder if he was her next victim.

* * *

He hated this dress. In front of the entrance way, he stood watching the feast already in swing. The two guards posted there took a look at him, and immediately turned their heads, like they were ashamed to look upon him. The 'gown' wasn't securely fastened at all, more like strategic drapes of fabric. Scarlet in colour, almost the exact shade of his betrothed's hair, it was obviously a symbol of ownership. Nagisa didn't think it suited his complexion much.

Even though it was a feast supposed to celebrate his arrival, Nagisa didn't get much of an announcement. Trying to keep a hold of his nerves, he made his way towards the only unoccupied seat on the main table. The rest of the room was filled still, smaller tables but a lot of tables none the less. Avoiding the eyes of all the dinner guests as he did so, they barely seemed to realise who he was, until he was at the place meant for him. They all stood for him, minus Lord Akabane, and then resumed their meals as if nothing happened.

Nagisa was in no mood to make conversation anyway. Though, he did observe. This room at the very least looked far more lived in and decorated. Not with flowers or artworks, though, it was all war spoils. Deer heads, weapons, this castle was anointed with violence. His food didn't look so appealing, with that in mind.

It would be near insulting to not try any of it, though. Nagisa's hand shook around his fork, hoping nobody was about to watch him eating. Unfortunately, as he looked down the table, a pair of golden eyes stared back at him. Lord Akabane, the opposite side of room practically, was too far away to even attempt to speak to him. That didn't stop him from watching, though.

Defiantly, Nagisa stared him back, and took a large bite of the meat. At first, it tasted good, definitely gamey and freshly hunted, but then it hit the back of his throat. He immediately regretted it. He knew that House Akabane's fortune mostly came from trading spices, but he'd never tasted anything like this. He began to choke, his eyes watering. Opposite him, his fiancé's face twisted into a self satisfied smirk.

"Are you alright, Lady Nagisa?" One of the men beside him asked, pushing Nagisa's water towards him.

Nagisa couldn't answer him, but he gulped down the water like a life line. It did little to ease the fire burning in his mouth and throat. Though it was true he preferred a milder taste, there was no way that was on everyone's plates here. Nagisa couldn't be _that_ sensitive. No, with the way the lord was looking at him, this was some kind of trick, or test.

"It seems like your bride can't handle her spice," one of the men at the table loudly joked.

Lord Akabane just raised his glass in a toast, eyes burning into Nagisa's with challenge.

"I'm so sorry, m'lady," one of the servants rushed forwards, with an even larger jug of water. Most of the conversation started back up, so she wasn't overheard. "We were asked to put a few fertility herbs on your meal, next time I'll make sure the cooks use a lighter hand."

Fertility herbs. That was right, that was why Nagisa was supposed to be there. For people like them, of course, the only real reason for marriage was to secure alliances. To do that, there needed to be an heir. If his marriage were destined to continue, the following months would be spent as a broodmare. It was one of those times Nagisa was thankful to not actually have a womb, or anything else that came along with it, it seemed a cruel fate.

"Thank you," he said, addressing the man who'd passed him the water.

He ducked his head. "Not at all. Don't worry, Akabane spices aren't to a lot of people's tastes."

Nagisa was surprised to receive kindness. "I'm afraid I may have to learn to enjoy them."

The man, who was more of a closer age to Nagisa than he first seemed based on the way he spoke, cracked a slightly sad smile. "Request milk next time, it'll make it go down easier."

"I'll tell the servants," Nagisa nodded.

"It's nice to meet you finally," he continued lowly. "From the way everyone prepared for your arrival, it was like you were a mythical creature. I'm Yuuma, House Isogai. My family boarder the lands next to here."

Nagisa bit his lip. "I should go about learning everyone's names, to survive until the wedding."

"It must be overwhelming," he said gently. "I'll help all I can, for tonight."

Nodding, Nagisa looked directly across the table again, where Lord Akabane's attention had drifted elsewhere, deep in conversation with a man behind him, someone who obviously hadn't been invited to any of the actual feast tables. He reminded Nagisa of a shadow, like his form was hard to actually grasp. He was tall and dark though, black hair and black eyes.

"Who's that man?" He asked, and noticed the immediate unease in Lord Isogai's demeanour. "I can't say I know a lot about my future husband," he justified.

Lord Isogai nodded. "That's just Korosensei."

"Korosensei?" Nagisa didn't recognise the word.

"It means something like unkillable teacher. Most people still know him by his other title, of course," he lowered his voice. "The Reaper. He's just… one of the Lord's advisors. He's had a position here since the whole House Yukimura scandal."

It was hard to mask his reaction. He'd learnt all about famous assassins from Irina, as part of her many lessons. So, he knew The Reaper was one of the most notorious names in the trade, the exact body count completely unknown. Even catching his gaze would put him at threat. This spelt immense danger for Nagisa, especially if Lord Akabane somehow had his loyalty. He hadn't learnt about any scandals, though.

Nagisa didn't even attempt to eat anything else for the rest of the meal, instead filling his stomach with water. It was hard to gather an appetite, anyway. Hopefully, Lord Akabane wouldn't try to interfere with his breakfast too. Soon enough, although drinks were flowing, the rest of the guests were through with their food. The tables were quickly taken away, and the space became a dance floor once players were brought on.

Nobody immediately began dancing to the music, instead using the space to mingle. Looking over at the crowd, they didn't seem like much of a dancing type. Mostly, the room was filled by what looked like warriors, who surely wouldn't find much entertainment in something so fleeting. It was nothing like any of the parties Nagisa had attended.

At the first socially acceptable moment he could find, he excused himself from the main table. He needed to clear his head. Perhaps it would be easy enough to feign sickness after his reaction to that food, but it could backfire and start some nasty rumours. Also, he really didn't want to lose, to look as though he was defeated by the joke.

Still, he needed out.

"Going somewhere, Lady Nagisa?" The lord's bodyguard, Karasuma, blocked his exit.

Nagisa gulped. "Just to relieve myself."

He nodded sternly. "I'll accompany you, then. You're in my charge now too."

It seemed like Nagisa didn't have a choice. Not that he minded Karasuma's presence terribly. A man, not of noble title, who could command as much respect as him was impressive. During the journey, Nagisa had judged that whilst gruff, he seemed to have a good soul. So, he was glad to have a little air, since it was cooler in the corridors of this castle. Of course, Nagisa had to pretend that he even vaguely knew the way around it.

"Leaving your own celebration so soon?"

Nagisa stopped in his tracks, and turned behind him. He didn't recognise the name or face, though the man facing him immediately bore resemblance in his mind to Lord Akabane. His hair was a little lighter in colour, though, and his eyes were almost violet rather than gold. Nagisa hadn't noticed him at the table, or leaving the room.

Surprisngly, Karasuma bowed. "Lady Nagisa, His Royal Highness the Crown Prince Gakushuu, House Asano."

He forced himself to remember basic etiquette. "Your Grace," he curtsied.

The prince smiled at him, yet his blood ran cold. "Don't worry, if I had the misfortune of engagement to Karma I'd be running too."

"I wasn't running," Nagisa denied, "Your Grace."

He raised an eyebrow. "But the banquet hall's back that way, no? Speak freely, Lady Nagisa, I'll make sure your words don't cause you any harm."

On edge from seeing the Reaper, Nagisa didn't want to risk getting involved in any other games. Though it was true he could be killed at any second, the prince had the power to do it legally, with little fear of repercussion. Nagisa didn't like the tone he was using with him. There was definitely an ulterior motive for the pleasant conversation, and either he was bad at hiding it (unlikely), or he didn't need to care.

"You're right," he said, "I am heading the wrong way. Please forgive me."

Thankfully, Nagisa wasn't stopped on his way back into the banquet room. By that time, the more important guests had made their way to the main floor. Not wanting to bother anybody, Nagisa resigned himself to standing at the side lines. He wasn't about to flaunt himself anyway, especially dressed as he was. Even if he was playing a role here, the embarrassment was too much.

"Drink?" One of the servants came up, glasses balanced on a big tray.

Nagisa didn't feel like tasting the wine here. Lowering his inhibitions was the opposite of what he needed to achieve. Not that Nagisa had ever really been allowed to drink back at home, anyway. Instead, he just shook his head, and the servant moved on.

It seemed like someone had been drinking, because then he was bumped into. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

He was a little surprised, but Nagisa wasn't the type to yell. "Don't worry about it."

The guy's face morphed in horror. "L-lady Nagisa!"

"You barely touched me," Nagisa defended. "Really."

"Sugino," he said quickly, "Tomohito Sugino. That's my name… If you want to take this further. Ask them to ban me from the fields or something!"

Nagisa looked at him in question. "The fields?"

What followed was the closest to a friend's conversation Nagisa had experienced since coming here. It turned out that his new friend was more of a sportsman, something Nagisa himself had never really done, but his words seemed to flow. Anybody could have felt his passion. Even if he had somehow offended Nagisa, he wouldn't have had the heart to have him punished.

Standing there with Tomohito Sugino, having a conversation about sports, he almost forgot the reason he was here. But then he noticed the way Tomohito's eyes drew across the floor, to where some dancing really _had_ started. Looking at the way his eyes moved, he was following one girl in particular. Nagisa didn't know the name, but based on her dress and the girls surrounding her, she looked noble herself. Close to them was Lord Akabane and the prince, though they weren't actually dancing. They seemed oddly pressed next to each other, though.

"They seem close," Nagisa commented.

He didn't seem to have much of an answer for that, but it didn't matter. The gears in Nagisa's head started spinning, but then he saw Lord Akabane smile. Nagisa knew, down to his core, that it was fake, unnatural. So maybe they weren't that close after all. Unfortunately for Nagisa, it seemed he'd been looking for too long, because he caught both of their eyes. The prince said something, then, smiling brightly

Within seconds, Lord Akabane was across the room, directly in Nagisa's space. "I hope the celebration's to your fancy."

Nagisa straightened himself out. "It's wonderful, My Lord, though I'm not a huge fan of parties."

"You can call me Karma," he said, wearing that fake smile again. "As it appears we're getting married, may as well lose the formalities."

"Alright," Nagisa said, "Karma."

It seemed his new friend had excused himself, leaving Nagisa mostly alone with his fiancé. Nagisa couldn't help but think about what he wanted, since he'd seemed in no rush for a conversation before. Though, he supposed it was the opposite of strange to be speaking to Karma at _their_ engagement feast.

"I'm afraid the wedding will be ten times this," he said. "A bigger ballroom, though."

Nagisa dipped his head. "I can at least enjoy the music."

"Dance with me, then, Lady Nagisa," Karma punctuated with a bow. It was the picture of chivalry, but Nagisa knew there was a slight sarcasm beneath it.

As they were engaged, Nagisa couldn't say no publicly. He bowed, too, and took Karma's outstretched hand, following him out to the dance floor. They faced each other for a few beats, allowing the previous piece of music to come to an end. With that, they both bowed again, and Karma held both palms up in a pretty traditional style of dance.

When the strings began to play, a more intense and dramatic piece, he began to move. Nagisa mirrored him, familiar with the dance, his palms up too. It was supposed to represent the process of courting, the almost but non-touch. Even many commoners would be familiar with it. They circled around each other, palms just inches apart. Then, the other way, just one palm this time, before swapping again.

The music came to a sudden crescendo, and Karma moved into hold. It was textbook, perfect positioning despite the difference in their heights. For once, it was handy Nagisa had never really been shown how to lead, because before he even had the chance to think about it, he was the other side of the floor. No time to worry about people looking at him, his mind was filled with trying not to trip over, and also the feel of Karma's hand on his waist.

Just as Nagisa began to concentrate probably, anticipating the next steps before the came, some sort of annoyance flashed over Karma's expression. Like a whip, Nagisa was spun, the bottom of his gown twisting with the motion. It wasn't uncommon, but what _was_ , was the way Karma pulled him back in. He positioned himself behind Nagisa, breath prickling down the back of his neck. This wasn't something he'd been taught, Karma's hips flush with his behind, his arms surrounding him.

A flash later and he was facing Karma again, but they were much closer than before, barely a gap between their bodies. Before had been a respectable distance, but _this_ … A challenge was in Karma's eyes. The music sped again, and Nagisa was so tight in his grasp he had no choice but to follow, less he fall. His feet moved with expert precision, the twists and turns practised, like this was combat. Karma commanded him in this way, as if Nagisa was his sword. Nagisa, thankfully, had been trained the basics of footwork for _months_.

This was a battle, then. If Karma was surprised by the way Nagisa met his pace, twisting and turning and kicking his feet in a similar manner, then he met it by just leading them faster. Any more, and his feet would start to combust. He wouldn't be giving in, though. With the way Karma spun him across the room, it was a surprise Nagisa wasn't growing dizzy, even with how much he focused. Their legs fought each other for room, and even when Karma tried dipping him back, Nagisa used his core strength to pull himself back up again. Flush together, Nagisa's hands went to Karma's face, snapping his gaze to his like a demand for attention. Too close, because Karma was practically panting against his lips in that position.

And then the music came to an end. Without the near deafening strings to drown the rest of the world out, Nagisa felt suddenly exposed. If people hadn't been staring and whispering about him before, they certainly were now. He'd more than just drawn attention to himself, with whatever that display was.

"It's almost like you wanted to lead," Karma panted out, trying to catch his breath.

Nagisa wasn't sure what to say, a little raw from the experience. "Why did you dance with me?"

"I didn't like the way he's looking at you."

Bowing politely to end the dance, Nagisa left the party. Nobody came close to stopping him that time. He just wanted to go back to his chambers and forget about it all, at least he knew the way back there. There was no point in bothering to wait for Irina to leave to help him undress, given this kind of free reign, she'd probably be partying till dawn. Nagisa managed it himself, anyway.

Since any servant could walk in, he elected to sleep in a night gown, just in case. Suddenly it felt very cold and dark in the room, even when he tried to bury himself under the covers of the bed. Sleep didn't seem to be in any rush to take him, though. Unfortunately. If he could just sleep the whole build up to the wedding away, he would.

"Get up, Nagisa."

Even in that state, Nagisa could recognise Irina's voice. "How was-"

She grabbed one of the pillows and wacked him hard with it. "You're a fool."

"You told me to capture Lord Akabane's attention," he reminded her, sitting up properly.

"You think I don't know what desire looks like, even on a brat like you?" She snapped. "You better be careful. Infatuation with your target is only going to make your job even more difficult. There _is_ no getting out of it now. What are you planning to do? Beg to leave your skirt on and hope he doesn't notice the difference? Take this warning."

She was gone, then, like she'd never even visited.


	3. Kimi wa konna ni chikakute tooi no darou

Perhaps Nagisa was being too hopeful, but he'd at least thought he might get a tour of the castle he was supposed to spend the rest of his life living in. Unfortunately, the morning after the banquet, he was woken in the early hours of the morning by Irina, carrying a fresh gown for him to wear. There were no windows in the room, so she couldn't wake him up by drawing the curtains, no, instead she decided to be _loud_.

"Tourney today," she dumped it on his bed, ripping the covers off at the same time. "Get the hell up."

Nagisa sat up slowly, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "Tourney?"

Irina sighed, grabbing him by the arm to pull him upright. "Tradition apparently. They're competing to see who's the most worthy man for your hand. There'll be archery, jousting, wrestling… All you have to do is sit and watch. But it'll be a good opportunity to observe, remember?"

"B-but what if Karma doesn't win?"

"It's symbolic, fortunately for you…" Irina's eyes narrowed. "Wait, what did you just call him?"

Nagisa scrambled back, his head hitting the bed's board. "N-nothing…"

"Listen here, brat, my _freedom_ is riding on your success here! If you play with it for even a second I'll kill you _myself_."

* * *

Since their introduction, Nagisa's 'tutor' hadn't said much. She was apparently replacing his normal lessons, because nobody else had visited. There were also a concerning amount of guards in the room with them, two who were physically keeping holding onto her shackles. Just who had Nagisa's mother stuck him with? Her madness must have become worse, if she wanted him to learn from a criminal. Though, she didn't _look_ dangerous. He started to open his mouth.

"Shut up," she said, before he could try. Her voice carried the hint of an accent not harmonious to Nagisa's ears.

One of the guards sighed, and flicked a whip hard onto a stone floor. "Your warning."

"I-Isn't that a little much?" The words escaped Nagisa's lips.

He shrugged. "It's The Lady's orders."

Nagisa hung his head. "If her main concern is that I learn to be more ladylike, isn't exposing me to violence counterproductive."

"If I speak freely," the guard said peacefully, "this _whore_ , she killed some very important people. She's not getting anything she doesn't deserve. In fact, this is more merciful than the death sentence she would have been given."

That didn't sound right to him. "A lifetime of torture?"

His eyes raked over to the woman opposite him again. Somehow, Nagisa really didn't doubt that she had blood on her hands. Of course, she was beautiful, what you'd expect from any high ranking courtesan. Light hair, unmarked skin, big blue eyes… She looked more like a painting. But the coldness coming from her was unmissable.

Her eye glinted. "You're too soft for this world. Little girls like you, well, I don't think those ears of yours can handle what happens to them."

Nagisa gulped. "About that. I'm not really a girl."

She leant forward in her chair.

* * *

The tournament was being held outside. Fortunately, the weather was permittable enough, despite today's revealing gown. It wasn't as bad as the night before, lowcut mostly in the front this time. Had Nagisa had a chest to speak of, he'd have been _really_ embarrassed. He didn't, though, so really it just showcased his flat chest. Thankfully he was still young enough that he doubted it would be questioned.

There were already crowds of people there before he was lead to his seat of privilege. Nagisa had no doubt he wouldn't have been given such a comfortable view, if this entire thing wasn't supposedly in his honour. As it was, he and Irina were sat above the others, on some sort of temporary platform. It was hard to feel like he wasn't just being put on display. That _was_ probably the point, actually.

The only other person beside them was Karasuma, who Nagisa supposed was his personal guard now. He gave them a polite nod, but made no other attempt at communication. As much as Nagisa felt it would be good to at least learn about the life he had in store for him here, he realised it was best not to get attached anyway.

Just minutes after he sat down, the games begun. Nagisa didn't see his fiancé anywhere, but he quickly forgot about that. The tournament was actually… quite exciting. There hadn't been events like this when he was growing up, but of course he'd read and heard about it all. Sitting here reminded him of the excitement he felt when he was just a young boy, when he'd wanted to take part of these things himself.

The jousting was thrilling, a sense of danger licking up Nagisa's veins the entire time. Thankfully, nobody actually died in the process, but that didn't make it any less intense. Men representing various noble houses came at each other like a blur Nagisa could hardly follow. After that came the archery. The most notable contest came from one of House Akabane's own men, a young guy named Chiba who seemed to have a few fans. And rightly so, his accuracy with a bow was near frightening.

And then everyone started lining up for the main event. It was simply a tournament of one on one combat, or so he was made to understand. Everyone would fight each other one on one, with a weapon of their choice, until eventually there was a victor. Who apparently, if tradition was to be believed, Nagisa would have to marry. There were a lot of challengers, though, a _concerning_ amount.

"All these people want to marry me?" Nagisa couldn't help but squeak out, suddenly overwhelmed.

Karasuma eyed him up and down. "It doesn't matter what happens, you'll still be engaged. A lot of people use events like this to showcase their prowess."

For a moment, Nagisa wondered where his fiancé actually was, if this kind of event was so important. But then a new figure came out, commanding almost the entire ring as he went. Suddenly, Nagisa was on the edge of his seat. The only reason he could tell it was Karma he was looking at was he had his helmet off.

Lord or not, Karma was still almost the same age as him. Much more of a teenager than a man in his own right, despite the power he commanded. But Nagisa wouldn't have known that, looking at him there. His armour was black as night, reflecting very little of the world around him. There were spikes, here and there, and Nagisa honestly couldn't judge if they were just for aesthetics or not. The sword he carried held the same threat, black, with gold embellishments. It was a wonder Karma could even _move_ wearing all of that.

It was definitely a showcase. Adorned with both wealth and power, Nagisa remembered that he was looking at his _target_. On any kind of battlefield, surely he'd be unkillable. No, getting him when his guard was down was definitely the best plan. So long as Nagisa could pull it off. Nagisa got the feeling Karma had been trained to kill from birth.

There were a few rounds, either achingly close or instantly decisive, before the real excitement began. Before Karma fought his first opponent, though, it was actually the prince who Nagisa's eyes fell upon. Based on their brief conversation the night before, Nagisa sensed he wasn't to be trusted. No matter how naturally he smiled, accepting water from… a frankly disturbing looking page of some sort.

"Who's the nut man?" Nagisa asked, confused by the odd costume.

Karasuma raked a tired hand down his face. "He's… the prince's mascot."

Nagisa squinted. "Why is he here?"

"Symbolism," the guard shrugged, "mostly at least. House Asano have historically been proud of their nut sigil."

He'd learnt all about it in his lessons, before the engagement madness. It was the standard education anyone of his station would receive. Nagisa had been forced to repeat the histories of all the surrounding noble families, right down to naming all current family members. There had been other great houses touched upon, so he was given an awareness, but as the current reigning house, all other history focused on the Asanos.

They hadn't been in power for too long. Before Nagisa was born, certainly, but the current king was still the first of his line to actually sit on the throne. Nagisa was given a _girl's_ education, of course, but he knew vague things about the battles that lead to that, the reasoning. The house's sigil originated because the majority of their fortune used to come from foraging, but somehow they'd risen up the ranks. As far as Nagisa knew, it was meant to represent hard defences, and the hope of growing more powerful.

Unsurprisingly, the prince was talented in combat. A traditional fighter, as though he knew every basic principal of combat down to its core, perfectly showcasing their techniques. It was no wonder that he won his first match within minutes. No matter how good his opponent might have been, having those skills down to frightening accuracy and perfection meant there was no hope.

Nagisa was on the edge of his seat when it was Karma's turn. His opponent, Nagisa could tell before the fight even begun, was definitely going to lose. Even at the sight of Karma, the man seemed to tremble. But unlike the prince, Karma drew the fight out. There were plenty of opportunities, Nagisa could see with his combat trained eyes, for him to easily win. So, he liked to play with his food. Perhaps stabbing a knife through his chest would be satisfying after all.

He continued like that for the rest of the tournament, apparently uncaring about saving his stamina. There was a kind of arrogance to that Nagisa found… intriguing to say the least. But round after round, he won easily, and it just continued. He could hardly say he was surprised when it was he and the prince in the final round. Definitely an interesting matchup, they seemed physically equal, no matter how much their styles differed.

"What are you muttering about?" Irina snapped her head around, glaring at Karasuma like she wanted to stab him through the throat.

He lowered his head, though Nagisa was doubtful that he sincerely meant respect. "Just predicting the fight, to myself."

"What do you think, Karasuma?" Nagisa found the guts to ask.

The guard stiffened. "Well, it's a complicated situation. If Prince Gakushuu was anybody else, then it would be right for Lord Karma to win. But, to beat a prince is an insult."

Nagisa swallowed. "And you don't think he'll stand aside?"

"If he knows what's good for him."

Looking down at the pair, Karma didn't seem like he was preparing to throw the fight. Even from where Nagisa was sitting, he got a sense of the way Karma was looking at his opponent, chin tilted up as though he was staring down at him. Though, that wasn't giving the prince enough credit. He probably didn't even need a purposeful win.

Karma didn't waste a lot of time in striking. Nagisa was sure he should be tired, but he went at an alarming tempo, forcing the prince into a defensive stance. Perhaps he could have won like that, but the prince managed to find some opening, returning their footing to equal. Swords clashed, each matching the other, and Nagisa could see Karma starting to pant over the exertion. He gripped the edge of his seat, waiting.

But just when it seemed the prince had a pretty good opening to strike, Karma swivelled on his foot, tripping him over. Nagisa was sure the prince could have been back on his feet again in less than a second, but he instead lay there, long enough for Karma to get the win, sword poised at the ready. There was something in the prince's demeanour, though, that made Nagisa wonder whether it _had_ been a purposeful loss.

"Lord Karma wins," it was announced, followed by the cheers of spectators. "And now for the traditional favour, for the most beautiful lady in the crowd."

In his hand he held a golden rose, his prize. He looked up to where Nagisa was sitting, purposely catching his eye. Nagisa supposed he was meant to receive it, as Karma's fiancé. Weirdly, Karma smiled at him, and started to walk forwards. If Nagisa could even survive this process… He'd never been given a handsome lord's favour before.

But then Karma stopped, pausing in front of where a few of the castle workers were sat, instead of climbing up onto the podium. Karma's kind gaze swapped from him to some dark haired girl. The poor girl's face turned scarlet when the openly presented the rose to _her_. Her hands shook, taking it. Nagisa, too, felt his face flush, but for opposite reasons. He wouldn't be jealous.

He was sure now that this was some kind of game. Sending horses rather than a carriage, the scandalous clothes, the food… and now this. Karma was trying to humiliate him or something. But _why_? There was no way he could know about Nagisa's plans, unless Irina had somehow sold him out. Though that didn't make sense, and he could easily just have Nagisa arrested if that was the case.

The atmosphere amongst the crowd felt pretty awkward, once Karma left to go change out of his armour. Nagisa didn't miss the way they all looked at him, some with pity, some turning to their friends to gossip. He knew he couldn't afford to be intimidated by this, but, it was hard. They couldn't just look at him all day, though, which meant eventually they had to get down from their seats.

Of _course_ there was another party, another place for Nagisa to wonder aimlessly. Nagisa understood the point of this now, especially with Karma's supposed absence. This wasn't about enjoyment and a good time, no, it was a statement. The combat, the music, the food… It was a show of strength. It had to be why so many people seemed to be invited. _Don't bother attacking us, because look how strong we are_.

"Lady Nagisa."

Nagisa whipped his head around, to find Karma standing behind him. "My Lord."

He smiled casually. "How did you enjoy the tournament?"

It was clear that he was just trying to annoy Nagisa further. "It was interesting."

Karma raised an eyebrow. "You like sports?"

"N-not really." He took a deep breath. "Your final fight has stuck with me, though. A clear victory, after such a drawn out battle… Like it came from nowhere. It's fascinating that the tide can change so quickly."

A challenge brewed in his eyes. "You wouldn't be implying anything by that, would you, _Nagisa_?"

"My Lord," a servant interrupted them, and bowed, "Lord Yanagisawa has an urgent matter he says he needs to discuss."

"Fine," Karma didn't hide his groan. "And Nagisa, words like that don't suit you. Why, unless you intend to back it up?"

He was gone, just like that, and Nagisa regretted opening his mouth at all. Regardless of Karma's actions, he still needed to _marry_ him. Karma didn't have parents to force him into it, no matter what betrothment documents he'd signed, they could be _undone_. But if Karma hated him as much as he seemed to, then why even keep him around this long?

"S-sorry!" Nagisa said, almost colliding with someone.

The girl, dark haired and miraculously shorter than him, smiled pleasantly. "Don't worry about it!" Her eyes narrowed. "Oh! Lady Nagisa! It's nice to meet you."

She seemed nice enough, a good distraction. "H-hi," he looked down, "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Really," the girl insisted. "It's probably pretty scary coming to a new place, all alone. The first time I left my family home, I at least had my sister with me, and it was still terrifying." Without warning, her hands dove into his hair, tugging on something or other. "It was a little messed up."

Nagisa's own hand flew to his hair, which was now neatly tied up. "Thank you."

She smiled once more, before lowering her head. "I should be going off."

As quickly as she'd appeared, she moved off, actually going to where Karma had drifted off to. The man he was speaking to was a relatively tall figure, dressed in strange looking white robes. She didn't seem to be particularly engaged in the conversation. Looking over her shoulder, though not at him directly, Nagisa could tell she was more there for obligation.

"Do you know who you were just speaking to?" It was actually Prince Gakushuu who came over to him.

Nagisa lowered his body in a semi courtesy. "She didn't give me a name."

He smiled. "That's Lady Akari Yukimura, Lord Yanagisawa's charge since her sister died. I'd be careful, a lot of bad luck surrounds that family."

There was something more going on there, but Nagisa knew he couldn't press it. "Thank you for the advice, Your Grace."

"Anyway, I'll leave you to the rest of the festivities."

"Wait-" Nagisa said it, before he could stop himself. "Uhm, earlier, during your fight, why-"

The prince understood him, surprisingly. "I wanted to see what he'd do, of course."

* * *

Nagisa had always been a light sleeper. He had to be, with his mother's violent outbursts. As a child he'd learnt to stir at the sound of footsteps outside his door, to run and hide from whatever her wrath held. But these steps didn't belong to his mother, they were much lighter. More practised. There was no time to get to his hiding spot, though, so instead he feigned sleep.

His new 'tutor' paced into the room, clearly looking for something. She came over to the windows, messing with them as if looking to open them. Nagisa's windows didn't open, though, not with his mother controlling his every move. Perhaps he should tell her that. When that plan clearly didn't work, though, she came closer to him, unsheathing some kind of blade.

"Brat," she huffed, clearly poised above him.

Nagisa sat up and grabbed her wrist just before the knife could strike him, heart pounding in his chest. Her eyes flashed with a kind of fear as he did so, like she hadn't expected to be caught. Regardless, challenge still returned to her form, and Nagisa wasn't sure how long he could hold her off. He wasn't strong at all. If he could only slip away to the door…

He scrambled across the bed, just out of her immediate reach. "W-who _are_ you?"

A smirk ran across her face. "Irina Jelavic. And now I _have_ to kill you."


	4. Stand up, show me what you're made of

Nagisa's breath caught in his throat, holding in his scream. His tutor lunged after him, a murderous fire evident in her eyes. The room wasn't particularly big, Nagisa realised, trying to figure out a place to run to. He scrambled off his bed, quickly grabbing a candle stick from the side table, so at least he'd had something to defend himself with.

It was a stupid thought. Nagisa, of course, didn't know _how_ to defend himself. One time, his mother had gone crazy at him just for playing with a stick in the resemblance of swordplay. He had only his base instincts to rely on here. His mother kept him under such heavy guard that he'd never thought this would be necessary. Speaking of which, for his tutor to be in here, she must have done _something_ to them.

And then it occurred to him she hadn't been setting out to murder him. "You'll never get out of here!"

Her eyes narrowed. "Listen here, brat-"

"My mother made it impossible to escape this room," Nagisa got out very quickly. "The quickest way will be one of the guest quarters!"

Letting out an almost growl like noise, she still advanced, knife poised at the ready. With no more space to move into, all Nagisa had was his own reactions. She stabbed, and _somehow_ he managed to counter, blocking her arm with the stick. The frustration was evident on her face, and she immediately made another jab at him.

It was as though something just _emerged_ from within Nagisa. He stopped thinking, letting his feet and arms move, blocking her every strike. She would have to tired eventually, surely he wasn't that valuable a kill… Nagisa could even see, she was quickly getting impatient. There came his opportunity. Not that he calculated it properly, but he saw an opening in her stance. Diving down, he got the metal stick under her arms, almost managing to get a nice hit to the abdomen.

All he saw was fear in her eyes, before the stick was yanked away from him, and suddenly he was on the floor. His head hit the stone with a thud, making his ears ring out. Nagisa was certain, then, that this was it. He was about to die. Blearily, he noticed her sit on top of him, a knee either side of his torso, knife directed at his heart.

"Where did you learn _that_?" She said, though it seemed mostly to herself.

Nagisa just spluttered.

Her form seized, and then she dropped the knife. "Perhaps you're more useful to me alive."

He was still afraid to move. "W-wha?"

"You heard me!" She stood up, and started pacing around the room. "I'll still have to run away if I escape now… And you're engaged to a rich Lord…" It was like the face of a whole other person was plastered on her expression, than a killer. "Let's say you learn to forgive my indiscretion. You'll have the power to pardon me for my past crimes, and I'll be a free woman once again."

Nagisa tried his best to sit up. "I _can't_ get married. I'm not a girl."

She stopped in her place. "Yes, that is a tiny issue. Okay, here's what's in it for you. You'll get out of this hell hole for a little while. Maybe, when I'm _in your debt,_ I can help legitimise

"H-how?" Nagisa wasn't sure why he was starting to trust a woman who just held a knife to his chest, but her words were all he'd longed to hear.

A sick smile came upon her face. "In marriage you'll have the closest access. I'll do what your mother asks, but, privately," she looked down at him, "I'll teach you how to kill."

* * *

After all the stunts of late, Nagisa was glad to pull on the plain, uncomplicated dress. A term to be taken lightly, he was never glad to be in a dress, though at least it wasn't as over the top as the others. But Karma had no need to make a show out of him today, apparently. It seemed like most of their wedding guests were nursing their hangovers from the tournament.

Nobody had come to get him, thus far, so Nagisa assumed he was free to do whatever he liked. Irina had told him she was off networking around the castle, trying to find the best escape route if anything went wrong. A few servants spared him curious looks, as he finally stepped out into the hallway - without being immediately guided somewhere else – but nobody else really seemed to care.

Nagisa decided to explore the places he'd been, first. He remembered his way towards the hall where they'd had the banquet first. Somebody was dusting it down, but otherwise it was dark and empty now. Then again, Karma had actually told him that their wedding was going to bigger than that. A fact that made Nagisa really nervous.

Close to that room, as it seemed, was a long hallway filled with portraits. Nagisa couldn't help his curiosity, wandering down it slowly. Next to each painting was some kind of weapon, from great big swords to war hammers to things Nagisa wasn't sure what to make of. This house had produced a lot of warriors. None of these ancestors seemed to have Karma's crimson hair, though. He found that fact slightly amusing, since it made him stand out (in Nagisa's opinion, of course). Perhaps he'd been dipped in the blood of his enemies as a baby.

He was so busy imagining that, he walked straight into someone. "A-ah!" Nagisa's heart dropped to his feet. "Oh, uhm, S-sir Reaper?"

The dark figure stepped out into the light. "I prefer to be called Korosensei. It's a name a past student of mine came up with for me."

"Student?" He asked, the question slipping from his tongue. As far as he knew, the Reaper – Korosensei – was an _assassin_.

He smiled warmly. "I was a tutor before I became Lord Karma's advisor."

Ironically, Nagisa had had an assassin as a tutor too, so he supposed he couldn't say much. It still seemed a little odd, though, since there was hardly a shortage of people to kill. Hadn't that person he met, Lord Isogai, said something about some sort of scandal, though?

"Are you lost?" Korosensei finally asked, after Nagisa had internalised all of that.

He wasn't really, but Nagisa was interested now. So, he nodded, wanting to see what Korosensei would do. Irina would probably tell him off for getting himself involved with such an assassin. Nagisa didn't feel scared, though perhaps he should. Then again, how dangerous could he really be, if he tutored people?

Korosensei's face filled with purpose. "Well, I'll give you my tour! Oh, I wish I had my guidebook!"

"Y-you have a guidebook?"

He nodded earnestly. "I haven't finished writing it yet, it's only a hundred pieces of parchment so far."

"Only?!"

So he liked history. Nagisa practically got the guide book by ear, anyway. They walked down the stone hallways, as Korosensei explained about the various techniques the builders used to create such interesting arches. Perhaps it wasn't the most interesting of topics, but he'd never been taught about something so passionately before. Nagisa found himself hanging onto every word. The least he could do is listen just as enthusiastically.

Nagisa noticed something, as they wandered past a few of the guest quarters. From what he could see, they were well decorated… cosy, even. So how come Nagisa was stuck with the plain and claustrophobic room? Was this another game? Or, he supposed, it could just be because he'd have to move out of it anyway after the wedding.

The wedding was in just a couple of days. Despite Irina's concerns, he definitely wasn't falling for Karma. How could he, when he'd been treated the way he had? If anything, Karma was making him more willing to run a knife across his throat. Still, that didn't mean he wasn't nervous. There were many things that could go wrong with the plan, including death.

"O-oh excuse me, Lady Nagisa!" A servant rushed up to him, looking nervous. "The Lord didn't give us any instructions for your wedding flowers, s-so I thought it would be best to ask you."

Thanks to the education his mother had chosen for him, Nagisa knew a lot about flowers. "How about… Rhododendrons, ashpodels, and hollyhock."

Korosensei swallowed. "Perhaps those are… a little violent for a wedding?"

Smiling, Nagisa turned around. "I just like how they look!"

 _Danger, regrets taken to the grave, ambition_. It would be like a bouquet of knives. He doubted a powerful lord like Karma, who seemed mostly battle oriented, would pay attention to something as mundane as 'how to pick the right flowers'. In truth, Nagisa didn't really care that much for flowers anyway. Even though their presence did seem to liven up the place.

"The Great Hall," Korosensei diverted his attention, walking to where the servants rushed around. "Do you know what year this was built?"

Nagisa shook his head. It was odd, there was no mention of this being the apparent location for his wedding, or any of its general uses. Most people would be bragging, about all the parties, and the people they'd hosted. Not about the architecture. Nagisa found that more interesting, anyway. The tour continued like that, details thrown in here and there.

As the time passed, a few of the guests seemed to have woken up, now walking around outside their respective rooms. Apparently Nagisa was no less 'interesting' than he'd been when he arrived, since they all still turned around to look at him. There was more judgement in their eyes, presumably since Karma had insulted his looks in front of everyone.

"We should go this way," Korosensei quickly ushered.

Nagisa followed where his eyes had come from. Beyond even hearing distance, he caught sight of the girl who he'd been speaking to after the tournament, who had selflessly offered him words of comfort. Surely, Korosensei couldn't be trying to avoid _her_. She was also accompanied by that other lord Karma had been speaking to, Yanagisawa? Perhaps there really was something going on there. He wasn't speaking to her. Two young boys, both with silver locks, rushed up to her, the smaller tugging at her skirt. That struck him a little weird. There was so way she was old enough to have children of that age…

He sensed the urgency in Korosensei's tone, though, so didn't stall for too long. There was more to see, after all. They came to a part Nagisa recognised vaguely, from walking outside. Most of the set up from the day before had already been taken down, making everything look a little different. At least, since he was wearing more clothes, it wasn't as cold.

Korosensei started explaining about the castle defences on the way to one of the armouries. He perked up at the turn of the conversation, since everyone else had automatically assumed he'd find weapons and that kind of talk… boring. Not Korosensei, though, who wore a wide smile, long black robes dragging across the ground as he walked.

"And here's the training ground-"

Nagisa's throat went bone dry. As it became very clear, the training ground was currently in use. He stopped listening, then. The lord Nagisa had been speaking to at the banquet was there, fighting a lighter haired boy. But, closer than that, Karma was _also_ sparring. Nagisa was surprised to see it was against Karasuma, since he should be _protecting_ Karma as a guard. But he could see the blades were blunted.

Also, Karma had no shirt on.

It felt different to the fights of the tournament, where it was clear now Karma hadn't even been putting his full efforts in. Nagisa could _see_ his level of concentration. Karasuma, too, was a hugely impressive fighter, acting as though he was even holding back, just a little. Though, Nagisa supposed that Karma wouldn't need a personal guard, if he was better in combat

"Left!" Karasuma barked.

Karma dodged, but was just a second or two too slow. Easily, Karasuma manoeuvred his wrist, disarming Karma like it was nothing. Karma didn't seem too het up about it, laughing and stretching as he went to go pick up his sword. They were close, then? Well, at least closer than the average person would be with his bodyguard.

He caught sight of them, then, and waved. "Mornin' Korosensei!"

Korosensei beamed back. "Nice technique Karma, though may I suggest you watch your grip a little more closely."

 _Of course_ , Nagisa remembered, _he was an assassin too_.

Karma nodded, taking it in like a genuine lesson. "No pat on the back for my victory yesterday? Say, how come you're with my fiancée?"

"I was just showing her around," he said, "speaking of which, the library-"

He scowled. "I'll meet you there later. For now, there were some documents I'd like you to have a look at, please?"

Korosensei seemed unfazed. "Right away."

"You too, Karasuma," Karma turned. "I think your input would be invaluable."

For some reason, Karasuma didn't look happy about that. "With _him_?"

Karma put on a tight lipped smile. "It's important, I promise~"

He forced neutrality onto his face. "Of course."

Watching them both leave, Nagisa realised that meant he was alone with Karma. Well, not entirely alone, but the others were engaged in sparring. It was as alone as Nagisa had felt with Karma, so far. Maybe this was even deemed inappropriate. He wished Karma would put a shirt back on or something, Nagisa didn't _want_ to have to look at the way sweat dripped down his toned abdominal muscles.

"So," Karma cut off his thought process, "you really are into combat sport?"

Nagisa did his best to nod. "I-I always found the stakes more interesting than other kinds."

His eyes darkened. "Let's have a match, then."

That was… unexpected. The truth of his gender didn't matter in this situation, because for all intents and purposes Karma thought he was a girl, his betrothed. Most people didn't get into fights right before their weddings, let alone with girls. Even the most disgustingly old and traditional men seemed to agree it was wrong to beat something so dainty and defenceless, with no good reason.

Nagisa almost choked, to be honest. "I- _me_?"

"Nagisa, I don't discriminate in my armies," he explained. "As long as they're loyal and capable, why not, right? My forces stand a third larger than anyone else's, sourcing from lands the same size. I won't be phased about you picking up a sword. Hey, betcha can't even hold one."

He really shouldn't be doing this, it wasn't a good idea. Just because Karma was apparently progressive, didn't mean he thought Nagisa's family was. He'd _spoken_ to his mother, via letter, and definitely knew what kind of world he came from. What if he found out Nagisa was good at this, even though he wasn't supposed to have any experience? Nagisa could try and pretend to be a beginner, but there was no helping what his instincts were programmed to do.

Yet, he found himself reaching for a sword anyway. Embarrassingly, Karma was right, the thing was almost his _height._ Even attempting to pick it up off the ground threw off his balanced, almost faceplanting the ground in front of him.

He smirked. "Do you need me to show you how to hold it?"

Nagisa forced himself to stand straighter. "No… I'd just prefer to use knives."

Challenge gleamed all over his eyes. He didn't call it quits, though, approaching a weapons rack. Karma studied them all meticulously, before drawing a weapon he must have thought would be a good fit for Nagisa. The knife was actually a little smaller than the one he used ordinarily, but Karma couldn't find out about that one. Karma handed it over, though clearly still intended to use his sword.

"Show me what you've got."

There was no way Nagisa could fight in all of these skirts. In fact, there was probably no way he could fight at all. Still, he felt this kind of fire rage up from within. He stepped forwards, hiking his skirts up, and gathered all the material in front of him. He then pushed the bundle between his legs, separating it to two sides, and then tied it back in front, creating some makeshift shorts. Looking down at his shoes, he decided to kick them off, since they'd probably be more of a hinderance. At least, like this, Nagisa would be able to move.

Something on Karma's face darkened, but it was clear he wasn't going to do anything. No, it was Nagisa's move first. Nagisa stood, trying to remember exactly how Karma moved. He was right handed, but still cautious to not leave his left side unguarded. How had he lost to Karasuma? His grip… Maybe, Nagisa could try and fake left, and find that one chink in his armour and exploit it. But Nagisa only knew how to kill, not to 'win' fights.

Karma raised his eyebrows, then, displaying impatience. _Right_. Maybe it would be better not to win, though. He didn't want Karma thinking he was too expert. As much as Nagisa still _wanted_ to win. He could always try and play 'beginner's luck'. He didn't go into stance, instead deciding to just walk up to Karma. Like this was no big deal. Karma looked confused, _good_.

He stopped within easy reach of Karma's long sword, reassured himself with a smile, and then drew his blade to strike. Had Karma's reflexes not been as good as they were, Nagisa would have been able to slit his throat. Karma wasn't thinking, wasn't fighting, he was _reacting_. His sword swung down, like it intended to split him in two. Nagisa had the advantage, though, managing to dart underneath, so he was now behind Karma.

He raised the knife, again, twisting his body. The tip just about scraped the back of Karma's neck, before Karma's body immediately seized up. Instead of trying to move away, though, the sword hit the ground with an audible thud. Nagisa was thrown off by that, which gave Karma enough time to capture Nagisa's wrist and catapult his whole body over his shoulder.

The next thing Nagisa knew, he was staring at sky, his head spinning from the momentum. Then, his vision was filled with Karma, leaping on top of him, face wild like an animal. Nagisa tried to squirm away, but his thighs squeezed Nagisa's much smaller body, holding him in place. He was sure Karma was just going to call it there, but then he _snarled_.

Nagisa flinched, turning his head to the side when he saw a fist coming towards him. Oh, Karma's anger was radiating from him. Finally, his true feelings were out in the open. _Well_. But then there was no pain. Nagisa's eyes flew open, only to realise that Karma was being physically restrained.

"What are you playing at!" Lord Isogai yelled.

His friend held his other arm. "Do you _want_ everyone to think you're some kind of wife beater?"

Karma visibly struggled against it, the two of them barely even holding him back. But, just a few seconds later, he started to breathe steadier, the anger visibly leaving his system. He still looked a little spooked, though, standing up with a stumble. Isogai and the other guy looked between each other, clearly nervous.

"Well fought, Lady Nagisa," he extended a hand, then, as though he hadn't just prepared to beat him to a pulp.

The truth his anger had provided was gone, like a mask of deceit was over his face. "It's your win."

Karma immediately put distance between them, once Nagisa was on his feet. "Say, tomorrow, would you like to come hunting with me? Maybe I could show you around the surrounding lands."

 _Definitely_ not genuine. But Nagisa couldn't say no to such an invitation, either. "Sounds lovely."


	5. So you can throw me to the wolves

Truthfully, Nagisa had never been hunting before. There was no way in hell his mother would have allowed it, but he'd never really been interested in that kind of thing either. Not that he'd had a choice, but Nagisa almost regretted saying yes at any capacity. Was he expected to… actually hunt, himself? Or just watch Karma do it? He hadn't got experience in either.

Nagisa almost cried tears of joy when his outfit was delivered. They were real, proper, _intentional_ leather trousers. For modesty's sake, he assumed, there was still a half skirt attached to the back, but that didn't matter so much. The boots, too, were actually sturdy, as opposed to the feminine shoes he'd had to wear for the last few days.

A servant girl knocked on his door, just to tell him it was time to go. Perhaps it was a little stupid to get excited over something like this. But Nagisa's skin buzzed with it. This castle was getting a little claustrophobic, anyway. Tying his hair back swiftly, he lowered his head, passing by the servant. There hadn't been much of a party the night before, so people were around to look at him weirdly.

He held his head high, though. Would he have to ride a horse again? Not that Nagisa had hated it on the trip over, despite the slight discomfort, but he didn't really count that since he was being lead at the time. Surely that couldn't happen… If they were hunting. As Nagisa journeyed his way to the stables, he realised that, given how quiet the area was. Didn't hunts usually have large parties?

"Morning, Nagisa," Karma said pleasantly, definitely the only person in the stables.

That wasn't right. Karma wasn't… a pleasant person. Why _was_ he here alone here? There was something going on here, perhaps Nagisa just had a feeling or something, but it was definitely off. He couldn't exactly question that, though, so alone with Karma. Most people in his position wouldn't be suspicious of that kind of thing.

"G-good morning," Nagisa eventually replied.

Karma patted his horse. "Are you a strong rider?"

"Hah…" Nagisa didn't really have to think about that one. "Not so much…"

He shrugged, not really bothered by that apparently. "Well, I packed you some things already."

Curiosity got the better of him, and Nagisa couldn't help but peer into the bag that had been attached to the saddle. Surprisingly, there was quite a lot in there. Bread, cheese, water… Probably enough food to last three days or so, which seemed excessive. There were a couple of other various things in there too, but nothing that immediately suggested hunting.

"All this… for a hunting trip?"

"In case you get hungry," Karma shrugged.

He wasn't doing that to be a considerate fiancé. And Nagisa didn't believe his reasoning, not for one second. At least Karma seemed moderately prepared, securing his sword at his side. Honestly, if not for the food, Nagisa would have assumed Karma was taking him somewhere to murder him quietly. It would make sense, perhaps he was angry about their small fight the day before. Nagisa would be on guard during this, then.

When hands were suddenly came to his waist, Nagisa jolted in slight alarm. "Wha-"

"Helping you up," Karma explained casually. Before Nagisa could say anything else, he was being lifted up like he weighed nothing, right onto the horse.

That was annoying, but more importantly, not in line with the way Karma had been treating him at all recently. There wasn't a lot he could do about it right then, though, since he had to focus on controlling an animal. Karma mounted his own horse before he could even think about saying anything, and looked over at him expectantly.

Nagisa at least knew the basics of riding. He took hold of the reins and squeezed his thighs, and off the horse went. It was nerve-racking, but the horse seemed to want to follow Karma's anyway. As they left the stable, Nagisa noticed a couple of people looking at them, but he didn't have a lot of time to take it in. Once they were physically able, Karma's horse broke out into a canter, and Nagisa had to follow him.

For the first time, he did actually take in the scenery. Most of the land, at least the way they were going, was pretty flat. _Open_. Nagisa briefly considered that it was a strange place to build a castle for living in, since at least from one angle it wasn't very defensible. Had Karma's family just been _that_ confident, or was there something he was missing here?

"There's a village over there," Karma yelled, a little ways ahead of him.

Nagisa tried his best to look, and sure enough, he caught sight of some buildings. It must be odd, to live so near to place that may as well be a city, yet live so simply. Or, Nagisa assumed their lives were simple, based on the architecture. He almost thought he'd prefer that kind of a life, instead of the noble existence he was born into.

Karma pulled his horse to slow down, gesturing for Nagisa to do the same. "There are more, just beyond that forest over there."

"Are they loyal to you?" Nagisa wasn't sure quite how far exactly Karma's territory expanded.

He paused for a moment. "Not particularly, but we've coexisted so far."

Nagisa supposed Karma had also promised to show him around a little, as well as the hunting. Though, just vaguely pointing something out wasn't much of a tour. He craned his neck a little, trying to look at everything around them properly. It did seem in quite a vulnerable position, honestly he was surprised they weren't pledging loyalty in exchange for protection.

They were still very much stationary. "Aren't we meant to be hunting?"

"Right," Karma said, looking over at the forest. "Say, Nagisa, let's have a race."

That definitely wasn't a part of normal hunting. "H-huh? A race?"

" _Sure_ ," he got his horse to turn, "this is where the animals are, anyway. Unless you're a _scaredy cat_. C'mon."

He was talking like they were little kids. But, before Nagisa could even respond, he was off, his horse alarmingly fast. Nagisa had no choice but to try and follow him, really, except he definitely hadn't ridden a horse like _this_ before. Thankfully, it seemed to kind of know what to do, at least it cantered off after Karma as Nagisa held on as well as he could.

"W-wait Karma!" He called out loudly, quickly losing sight of him in the midst of the forest.

But clearly, Karma hadn't heard him, because he didn't slow down. At that point, Nagisa had no idea what he was doing, and the horse was probably going to run itself into a tree if he wasn't careful. The only thing that seemed natural was to pull on the reins, which did cause the horse to slow to a stop after a few seconds. But then he had no idea what to do. When he looked behind him, it was all just forest. Maybe Karma had stopped to wait for him, but Nagisa wasn't sure what direction they were even facing. It was disorientating, from where he was sitting.

Deciding that he'd feel a lot more comfortable on his own feet, Nagisa did his best at dismounting the horse. Sure enough, once his feet hit the ground, he was much more secure. At least, kind of, he still didn't know where he was. His training aside, this was probably the most dangerous situation he'd actually been in, considering the way his mother used to shield him. Unfortunately, Nagisa hadn't brought his knife with him, a big error it turned out.

Where could he even go? It was probably safer to go back to the castle, but suddenly he wasn't really sure what that was. Looking around frantically, it felt like this forest was almost alive, binding and enclosing him in. Spare bits of sunlight peaked through the leaves, but other than that it was completely dark. He felt very small, then, easy swallowed whole.

And then Nagisa heard a _growl_.

The horse heard it too, clearly panicking and darting off before Nagisa could even think to stop it. Heart pounding painfully hard in his chest, Nagisa struggled to even think. All he knew was there were two bright amber eyes staring at him. Almost toppling back from shock, Nagisa took a step behind him, but then his foot met nothing. He really did fall, then, his leg caught into the hole so he couldn't scramble backwards.

Slowly, baring its knife like teeth, the animal that had to be a _wolf_ started to approach him. And Nagisa immediately saw death. He may be able to fight a human, but this animal was massive, powerful, and probably a lot faster than he could even imagine. There was also the fact that he had _no_ weapon, and, when he tried moving his foot, it turned out he was stuck.

The only thing he could do was try and keep completely still and as unthreatening as possible, but he was shaking like a leaf. The wolf didn't run at him, but it was still approaching, teeth on full threatening display. No way was it going to ignore him, then, so he had to think of something else. He felt around desperately with his hand, reaching for anything that might stand a chance of helping him. A small spike of hope sparked in his gut when it connected with a sharp rock, but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to use it quick enough.

He didn't have a lot of time to think, after that, because the wolf seemed to finally deem that Nagisa was definitely the prey in this situation and therefore worth attacking. The only thing he could briefly note was that there didn't seem to be a _pack_ here. Nagisa's reflexes were pretty quick, but there was only so much he could do over an animal who had such a clear advantage naturally.

In a moment of slight panic, Nagisa waved his free hand to the side, trying to draw the wolf's attention from the rest of his body. He moved as fast as he could, clubbing it with the rock. The wolf whimpered momentarily, in full attack mode now. Maybe it was some kind of adrenaline, but Nagisa managed to pull himself free. Looking down at the rock, he could see it was covered in blood. He wasn't sure how versatile wolves were, but maybe this would help him.

Nagisa had to evaluate this like any other fight. The wolf had one weapon at its disposal; teeth. As long as Nagisa stayed out of the way of those, he should be okay, but that was easier said than done. Maybe if Nagisa got behind it, he could strike its stomach… The wolf came towards him again, perhaps even more savagely this time, but Nagisa could see it was struggling.

Not entirely in control of his own body anymore, Nagisa threw himself onto the wolf's back, practically. He tried his best to get a clean cut, but it was hard to tell, with a situation so high stakes. He knew whatever the case, it hadn't been fatal, because suddenly he was thrown off, right onto his back, and all he could see was teeth.

Nagisa wasn't even sure if he screamed or not, but he closed his eyes, bracing for the death he was certain of. He felt a warm splash of what could only be blood drench his body, but there was no pain. Was this what death actually felt like? He decided to open his eyes, if only to catch one last glimpse of the light, but he didn't see teeth anymore, just the blur of some movement.

"Nagisa?!"

At that moment, Nagisa realised that maybe he wasn't dead. "W-what?"

There were amber eyes on him again, but this time, they belonged to a human. "You were… fighting a _wolf_?"

" _Karma_ ," Nagisa breathed, his head spinning a mile a minute. He never thought he'd be so relieved to see him again, but he could barely believe he was even alive. Nagisa reached out for him, a solid warmth, the only thing right then that made him feel real. Surprisingly, Karma let him, holding him back.

Gently, Karma wiped the blood from his face with his own sleeve. "I'm sorry."

Nagisa was too shocked to even question that, instead hiding himself against Karma's body. He was sure the wolf was dead, but he still felt very afraid. Karma had just saved his _life_. How was Nagisa supposed to kill him now, when he owed such a huge debt? Nagisa peered over his shoulder, where the wolf lay dead, a sword impaled in its back. Why did he feel so safe, with his assassination target?

"I saw you throw yourself at it," Karma said, "what was that, huh? Most people would have run."

Nagisa looked at the corpse. "It would have run faster."

He pulled back slightly. "We should get you back home, you might be hurt."

Though he really didn't want to, Nagisa nodded, and moved away from Karma so he could pull himself to his feet. Aside from a scrape or two where he'd hit the ground, he seemed to be unharmed. Karma's horse was there, too, waiting patiently. Why had Karma even come back for him? Nagisa was lucky, unbelievably lucky, and ready to hop straight back on that horse and return to safety.

But then he heard what seemed to be a tiny yip.

Nagisa couldn't stop himself from investigating the hole that had almost caused his death, which was where it seemed to come from. He briefly saw Karma's eyes widen in alarm, but that didn't matter. Taking a closer look at it, Nagisa realised it was a _den_. And the yip, which honestly was turning into much more of a whine, was coming from a _cub_.

"I-it's okay," Nagisa bent down, extending an arm out. Tentatively, he saw a little nose poke out.

He felt terrible. Nagisa had no idea why this wolf had been on its own, but clearly something had gone wrong. Of _course_ it had attacked Nagisa, he was right near its babies! The wolf was just trying to defend its cubs… Suddenly, he really didn't want to look at the body. This poor cub… Unless there others, now it was completely on its own.

Nagisa wasn't sure what to make of things when it actually approached him. The cub looked like any other helpless puppy, which made Nagisa feel even worse. By the looks of things, there didn't seem to be any others with it. He couldn't just… leave it like this. Surely, it would die within days. The cub didn't even attempted to attack him, whimpering instead like it was very frightened.

"We should take it back," Nagisa said, though it still hadn't come to him. He couldn't blame it.

Karma looked confused. "The _wolf cub_?"

"Its mother is dead because of me," Nagisa said, turning away from it. "It won't survive out here."

"But," Karma looked like he'd gone crazy. "You're in some kind of shock. You can't just take a wild animal b-"

Nagisa didn't _care_. "I'll _walk_ back if I have to, I'm not just leaving it to die!"

"Nagisa-"

As if it was suddenly on his side, Nagisa felt a little bat to his leg. The cub was _pawing_ at him, looking at him with pleading azure eyes. "I promise to look after it," he said, and risked scooping it up. "How different can it really be from a dog?"

Karma sighed. "If you're going to insist… Here, in case it gets cold." He stripped off his shirt, then, offering it to Nagisa to use as a bundle.

His unfortunate knowledge of 'women's things' actually came in handy. Nagisa took the garment, trying into a kind of sling that was usually meant to support a baby, but would probably work for this kind of a situation too. Sure enough, he tied it around himself, and the cub fit without much protest. He faced Karma, then, ready to get out of there as soon as possible.

"Let's go, then," Karma lifted him up like he had before, though Nagisa had to be extra careful now he was carrying the cub. It didn't seem bothered, though, relaxing against him. Karma drew his sword out of the wolf, wiping it off briefly, before sheathing it. Effortlessly, he climbed on the horse too, sitting behind Nagisa but still wrapping his arms around to take the reins.

They rode quickly, with Karma's arms securing him in, though Nagisa was mostly focused on making sure the cub was okay, than focusing on the way they were so close. Nagisa just hoped they could make it back okay, the rest of the fear mostly leaving him. It didn't take them very long, to reach the castle again, though everyone looked almost horrified at the sight of them.

It was about then that Nagisa remembered he was covered in blood.

"Get Lady Nagisa to the infirmary," Karma commanded one of the servants, reaching up to help him down from the horse.

Nagisa petted the wolf cub gently. "I'm not hurt."

Running his hands down Nagisa's arms, Karma didn't seem so sure. "Just let them check you over."

He gave up, then, suddenly kind of weary. Nagisa knew where to choose his battles on things like this, and he supposed Karma wasn't asking him to do anything too bad. Karma didn't make any move to follow him, so Nagisa just allowed himself to be lead along, inside again. The infirmary, by the looks of it, was in one of the less nice parts of the castle. Hopefully that meant that it wasn't used that often.

"L-lady Nagisa?!" A servant with dark hair almost shrieked. "What happened?!"

Nagisa didn't know how to address her without inciting more panic. "I had a small fall, Karma just wants to check everything's okay."

"Right away!"

She looked oddly familiar, which had Nagisa wondering where he'd seen her for long enough to register before. There was nothing particularly remarkable about her appearance, just grey eyes and dark hair that was neatly braded in two portions, average height and weight... He thought about it for a moment, and then it came to him. This was the girl Karma had given that flower to during the tournament. Immediately, he felt like he had to be a little more guarded.

"Are you the main healer here?" Nagisa asked.

The girl froze, like a jolt of electricity rushed up her spine. "I'm an assistant! My n-name's uhm, M-manami. Manami Okuda."

She didn't seem too dangerous. Nagisa was really good at sensing that about people, but the only thing he got here was straight forward nervousness. She seemed intelligent, but not manipulative. He still wanted to know what the relationship was, though, between her and Karma. Unless Karma was just picking someone completely random out of the crowd, but it had felt more calculated than that.

"Your-" she blushed, "I have to check for injuries. C-can you pull down the back of your dress?"

Nagisa practically jumped up, realising how that would expose him. "It's fine, really! I'm not even hurt there!"

She blinked, but nodded firmly. With almost meticulous focus, she felt his back with her arms, though nothing hurt with her pressure. "Is that-"

Following her eyeline, he realised she was looking at the makeshift sling. "We found a wolf cub."

"It looks young," she peeled the sling back, but the cub didn't move away from her. "Less than a month old I think. Hinano knows more about animals than I do, though. It probably needs milk! You should take it to the kennels."

Nagisa protectively stroked the cub's back. "Maybe it should stay with me."

She lowered her head. "You don't have any injuries that I can see… I'll just put a little ointment on this scrape! It'll sting a little bit." Sure enough, she wetted a cloth, and Nagisa bit down on his lip to stop from flinching too much. "We can have supplies sent to you."

Thankful he was given what could only be a signal to leave, he couldn't think of much else to say. Nagisa wanted to question her about Karma, but actual questions just wouldn't form on his tongue. Nagisa really wasn't sure what to make of this whole thing, but Karma _had_ saved him. As he nodded and stood up, he couldn't stop thinking about that. He'd be _dead_ right then, if not for Karma's sword.

Nagisa didn't like feeling dependant on anybody. It had been his fate, for so many years, and now he finally had a slide of his own freedom. But that was only if he killed Karma. Otherwise, he'd just belong to a husband instead of his mother. Nagisa wasn't a girl. He didn't have girl… _parts_. Considering it was his wedding day _tomorrow_ , the time where he could hide that fact was running out. Even if he was happy to live like that, he couldn't.

When he returned to his own chambers, he felt cold inside. Or maybe that was just the room. Nagisa carefully removed Karma's shirt from his neck, placing the cub down on the floor. He wanted these clothes off him. Whilst he washed himself, just pulling on a regular night gown, the cub still cowered. Nagisa couldn't fault that.

A servant gave him a weird look, delivering warm milk in a wine skin, but Nagisa was just grateful. Slowly, he approached the lump of the shirt, not wanting to frighten the poor thing worse than he already had. He let a few drops of milk fall onto the back of his hand, before he held it out, just an offer. After a minute or two, a tiny nose did poke out, and a tongue licked the milk away.

Maybe Nagisa should have been more scared, since this was a _wolf_ , but it didn't really register with him at that point. He added a little more milk, slowly coaxing the wolf out of its hiding place. Eventually, it came looking for more, and Nagisa let it drink from the wine skin directly. It gulped it down incredibly fast, so much so that Nagisa was worried it might choke.

"There there," Nagisa said, tentatively patting it on the head. "You must have been hungry."

Once the cub was done, it didn't immediately retreat, instead looking a little tired. Interestingly, it crouched down, crawling underneath the bed. Thinking about it, it probably thought that was its den. Nagisa decided to push the shirt underneath, too, thinking that maybe it would carry a familiar scent. He'd get up in the night, if it started fussing.

He was about ready to call it a night, when there was a knock at his door. "You better be dressed because I'm coming in."

"K-karma?" Nagisa folded his arms over his chest, conscious that he might notice something. "S-should you be here?"

He shrugged, going straight over the bed to sit down like he owned the place. "It's _my_ castle." That was right, he _did_ own the place.

"Still," Nagisa looked at the floor, "isn't this kind of…"

"I don't want to get married," Karma flopped back, lying there to stare at the ceiling. "Does that surprise you?"

It wasn't like Nagisa hadn't got that feeling, at least, he didn't think Karma wanted much to do with him specifically. Honestly, looking at him, Karma didn't seem like the serious marriage type. He was still young, it wasn't like he desperately needed to start worrying about heirs. By any standard, he wasn't ugly either, he could probably get a lover without the obligation of marriage if he wanted one.

"Not really," he admitted. "Why are you doing this, then? You're a Lord, you can do what you want."

His gaze shifted to Nagisa. "I have advisors, houses loyal to me, armies to command. I have to consider their points too, otherwise there won't be support for me. Tell me, Nagisa," he patted the space beside him, "what happens when I die?"

Nagisa felt like he shouldn't, but he ended up sitting beside Karma anyway. "The power passes to the next in line."

He sighed. "Complicated without an heir, isn't it? I'm not old or sick, but, I guess everyone feels better with that kind of security. I'm less disposable."

"There's something else," Nagisa judged from him, "isn't there."

There was an odd kind of smile across his face. "Of course, I expected you'd have just run away by now."

"Huh?!"

Karma sat up properly. "I've been an awful host to you. I gave you the perfect opportunity to slip away, no questions asked."

He suddenly felt a twist. "You did that on _purpose_ , earlier?"

"I wasn't planning on nearly getting you killed," his teeth clenched, and he pulled himself up to his feet. "But you weren't planning on leaving, either."

"I can't," Nagisa admitted, though he couldn't tell Karma why.

He turned around, the arrogant shield almost disappearing from his eyes. "There's something about you Nagisa, and I can't put my finger on it. That's all I can call it… This _something_. I don't know if it's a good thing or not."

Was he about to be figured out? Nagisa thought he'd been playing his role pretty well, aside from being goaded into fighting him the day before maybe, but Karma definitely knew something. Nagisa could easily be executed for this, it wouldn't be long until the rest of his plot was unravelled, too. Maybe he should just kill Karma then and there, before he could complete his discovery.

"I'm going to take it," Karma said suddenly. "The kingdom, I mean. It's going to be mine, that's why I need loyalty right now."

Nagisa's mouth went bone dry, and he couldn't help but look around nervously, like somebody might be listening in. "I- That's _treason_."

He shrugged. "Maybe. But I can do it, with my armies as they are. All I need to strengthen it is some sort of claim to the throne. And, well, your grandmother was a princess of the blood, wasn't she?"

So that was _why_. "Why would you want me to run away, then?"

"I could easily use force alone," Karma admitted, "it's not like I want to get married or have kids. But something tells me I'd rather have you on my side, Nagisa, so," he stretched out a hand. "I'm asking you to your face this time, not through piles of parchment and contracts. Marry me tomorrow, and become my queen."

Nagisa stared at his hand, and almost choked on the lump that rose in his throat.


	6. For the vows that I break

When he was just a child, Nagisa had imagined his wedding day would be a happy occasion. Karma's words played in his mind on repeat, to the point he'd barely even slept. He'd also been taking care of his cub, who had been removed from his care in the night on the instance that he needed sleep. He awoke to a flurry of servants, rather than the attention of just Irina at his door. Nagisa hardly moved, though, even with the excited chatter around him.

Finally, he brought himself to stand, shakily going to his feet. He tried not to jolt of cold metal against his thigh, his murder weapon hidden under his underdress already. None of these girls seemed to notice, though, politely ushering him to sit. Though he hated anybody touching his hair too much, he knew he had to grit his teeth and take it.

 _A queen_. His mother would probably be thrilled. Nagisa hadn't known what to _say_ to Karma, at that revelation. It was an admission of treason, if Nagisa told anybody about their conversation the both of them could get hung, or worse. But Nagisa's answer was supposed to be at the end of the aisle, where for lack of a better term he and Karma would be bound as allies.

His hair, and the light amounts of paint they'd added to his face to bring out his best features, looked ridiculous on him. It was far too… in your face. Unfortunately, Nagisa knew Karma probably didn't have a lot to do with this. One of the girls offered her hand, a gesture to follow, and Nagisa obeyed. They would need a lot of room to dress him like this.

One of the girls curtsied. "To your mother's specifications, My Lady."

He raised his arms, allowing them to pull the first petticoat over his head. Once that was tied off, a corset was put into place. Of all the things he'd been forced to wear over the years, corsets were the worst. Not only did they make him look more ridiculous than usual but he could hardly breathe in it. He winced, trying to hold his breath in as the strings were tightened behind him.

After that came the cushion pad, tied around his waist. Nagisa already hated how wide his hips were naturally, but this exaggerated it to levels that weren't even human anymore. Yet another petticoat went over that, before the actual dress was about to be secured on. It came in a variety of parts, the skirt so complex that it was a separate piece. A veil was attached over his head, a bouquet handed to him, and he wondered what else could possibly be next.

But then they all stepped back, eyes glimmering, and Nagisa saw what they were staring at. In the mirror, Nagisa could only see a beautiful young woman. Hair high and styled, face painted with makeup, skirts flowing out like a waterfall. He could think the image was beautiful, because it didn't even look like him anymore. When he moved his arm, of course the reflection moved, but Nagisa could barely attach the image to himself. If he did, he'd probably recoil in disgust.

A figure came to the door. "May I have a word alone with our bride before she's whisked away?"

Nagisa had hardly seen Irina these last few days. She was just doing what she was best at, she'd said. That included networking with the guests and servants, scouting out corridors for the best escape route. Without the information she was going to give him, Nagisa's plan would have a whole lot of flaws in it. Everyone else, thankfully, quickly left the room.

"You hardly look like yourself," she said. "They've done a number on you."

He stared at the ground. "Do you think it's enough for everyone to believe?"

Irina snorted. "You look ridiculous, like a woman three times your age and way past her prime."

That was as close as he was going to get to a compliment. As a foreigner, and considering her last profession, it was clear that Irina didn't care much for the fashions and customs of the land. Since her home was a lot warmer, she definitely liked to wear less, and always rolled her eyes at the idea of dressing big to show of your wealth. Of course, she was adaptable enough to follow these customs to a t anyway, if only to blend in where she had to.

"I have a gift," she said, and held out a small red vial.

Nagisa took it from her. "W-what is it?"

There was something in her eyes that showed she was looking down on him. "Later, so they don't immediately dispose of you, there has to be the shred of possibility that you might be pregnant. It's to 'prove' you've been suitably deflowered."

He tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted at that news. "Have you figured out our route yet?"

Her teeth clenched. "The defences in this place are- I mean, I've seen better, of course! I've got out of much worse."

Nagisa knew what that meant. "So you're working on it."

"Currently. You have a wedding to get to, anyway. Leave it to me."

She walked off quickly, leaving Nagisa alone in the room. Thanks to his tour, he at least knew where he was going, but nobody dropped by to immediately escort him. Nagisa had to stand on his own, to get through this. But that's what he'd have to do later, when he finally killed Karma. After that, of course, he'd have the power to grant Irina her freedom as promised, and then he could run far far away.

He tried to think about that, as he made his way down the long stone hallways, every echoing step he made making him cringe. It was almost deafening, like walking to an execution rather than a wedding ceremony. One of the servants shot him a pleasant smile, when he finally reached the huge doors that guarded the room. They were pulled open before he even really had time to think about it.

Nagisa took the deepest breath he could, holding his head as high as he stepped out onto the aisle. The heads of most of the nobles in the kingdom turned towards him. At least he couldn't see their expressions through the haze of the veil. It was his wedding day, but Nagisa had never felt more alone. It was a miracle he didn't trip over his own feet.

At the end of the aisle, he caught Karma's eye, and was filled by an inexplicable warmth. No part of him really wanted to marry Karma, even if he admittedly dressed up nicely in his own robes. Nagisa was not a lady, or a wife, or any of the things he needed to be to fulfil that role. And he wasn't prepared to act like any of those things, either. Not that he could even if he wanted it, Karma was still his target. And yet… when Karma smiled at him there, Nagisa beamed back at him.

The long gown and veil dragged across the stone floor with every careful step towards the altar. Even though a voice in his head told him to turn and run, he kept walking, hands gripping the bouquet far too tight. Soon, though, he ran out of aisle. With nowhere further to walk, he was finally at Karma's side, for better or worse.

Nagisa didn't steal another glance at Karma, before falling down to knees in front of the officiant. As tradition demanded, Karma joined him, and they both lowered their heads. Nagisa could feel his heart, threatening to pound straight out of his chest.

"Dearly beloved," the officiant coughed, addressing the room, "we have come here together witness and bless the joining together of this man and this woman in marriage. Today the union between Lord Karma of House Akabane and Lady Nagisa of House Shiota, the joining of both their houses and of a husband and wife, is not only the most consecrated of bonds, but an agreement of love. If any of you can show just cause why they may not be lawfully wed, speak now, or else forever hold your peace."

Though Nagisa was sure nobody other than Irina knew his secret, fear spiked up through him. However completely illegal this wedding was, nobody actually stood up to protest. A part of Nagisa almost wished they would.

The officiant cleared his throat once again. "Very well, then we will progress with the contract signing."

Nagisa was handed a pen, and a piece of parchment. Of course, he hadn't read what was on their marriage contract, it was something that his mother had spent the last year negotiating for him. All he knew was that with it, he was signing his life away for this alliance, for his mother to live just a little bit more comfortably. Still, he wrote his name down, cringing at the way the quill scratched the parchment.

Once Karma's name was inked down, too, the officiant took it and put a hand on both of their heads. Whatever blessing he uttered was private, though Nagisa didn't really want to hear it. It only lasted a short while, before Karma was handed the goblet of wine. He didn't hesitate, taking a large sip before passing it over. When he did so, just a moment, their fingers slid against each other, and Nagisa was reminded how very real this situation was. He took a sip himself, trying to ignore the burn that ran down his throat. Then, that was their signal to stand once more.

"Lady Nagisa," the officiant addressed, "will you have this man to be your husband, to live together with him in marriage? Will you love him, comfort him, honour and obey him, in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all others, be faithful to him until you're parted by death?"

Nagisa looked woefully at the officiant. "I-I will."

He nodded, perhaps subconsciously. "And Lord Karma, will you have this woman to be your wife, to live together with her in marriage? Will you love her, comfort her, honour and protect her, in sickness and in health, and, forsaking all others, be faithful to her until you're parted by death?"

"I will," Karma said, not wasting a breath.

The officiant waved his hand, signalling for the rings to be brought out. The young boy didn't hesitate, presenting two golden bands to the pair of them. Finally, Nagisa turned, facing Karma directly as they both took a ring. This was really it. Even though Karma had shared his ambitions, given Nagisa a place in them, Nagisa wasn't sure how much of it was truly genuine.

But then he looked Nagisa in the eye, gaze afire with challenge. "Nagisa, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to stand by your side, to love you with all that I am, and all that I have."

Nagisa's breath caught, when he slid it easily onto his finger. This entire thing, this wedding, was so much harder than Nagisa could have ever imagined. Because maybe, just maybe, he was starting to forget that it wasn't real. For just a glimpse of a moment, he really was promising himself to Karma, and Karma to him.

But no matter what, he wasn't. "Karma, I give you this ring as a symbol of my promise to stand by your side, to love you with all that I a-am, and all that I have."

The officiant took both of their ringed hands, placing Karma's on top of his own. The same boy who had held the rings handed over the bonding clothe, which was then placed delicately over the back of Karma's hand, its length dangling between their bodies. This was worse than just the contracts, the tying of their souls.

"One bind for strength," the officiant said, wrapping the clothe around both of their hands, "may this union give you power in each other. One bind for fertility, may this union bless you with viable offspring. One bind for protection, may you be each other's shield. One for faith. One more for your promise to each other. And one bind for love, may this marriage fulfil you both with joy."

Even though it was literally attached to Karma's, Nagisa's hand still shook. He'd been looking down at their hands, at the ties binding him, whilst the officiant was speaking. But then, instead, he decided to meet Karma's eyes. There was so much going on in his expression, Nagisa couldn't even begin to dissect it, but he still wore a soft smile.

"Their hands and souls are bound, from this day forward until their death. May these hands be blessed this day. May they always hold each other. May they have the strength to hang on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. May they remain tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. May they build a relationship founded in love, and rich in caring. May these hands be healer, protector, shelter, and guide for each other." He let them go, and removed the binding. "Lord Karma and Lady Nagisa, I pronounce you married."

Before he could even process the words, Karma lifted his veil, cupped his face between his hands, and kissed him. Nagisa was weak, apparently, because he instantly melted. The situation dissolved around him, despite the press of the cool ring against his cheek, and it was just Karma's warm lips up against his. He hadn't been kissed before, so he didn't _know_ that it would make him this dizzy, even though all in all it was pretty chaste, but he wanted it to last forever.

They broke apart, though, and for the first time Nagisa locked eyes with his husband. Although he could hear people clapping behind them, it was muted, like his head was stuck underwater. It didn't seem to matter, for just a second, that their marriage was fake and not even legal. He just felt completely struck, feet turned into lead. He also, embarrassingly, really wanted to kiss him again.

Karma took his hand, to lead him back down the aisle, and Nagisa followed blindly. Every bump from the metal of their rings chinking together set a shiver down his spine. He didn't even know where they were going, but he went anyway, letting Karma take him out of that large hall and through into another one, this time with tables and mountains full of food.

As soon as they walked in, musicians started playing. It wasn't deafeningly loud, likely so everyone could speak to each other. He still followed Karma, allowing himself to be pulled over to a large table, clearly raised above the others to show them off. Hidden away for most of his youth, Nagisa had never actually been to a wedding before. He wasn't sure how days like this were supposed to play out.

He did as Karma did, standing as the rest of their guests gradually entered the grandiose hall. When large doors were finally closed, shutting the room in, it was apparently a signal to sit. Feeling incredibly on display, Nagisa made sure to keep absolutely perfect in his posture and manners. Thankfully, in such a costume, it was easier to maintain the role.

"I think most of them only came for the food," Karma commented.

Somehow that made Nagisa relax a little. It was the first thing he'd said, after the ceremony. It was familiar, which ignoring the rest of the circumstances was probably a good thing. Nagisa managed to return him a smile, still not sure how he was actually supposed to act. Sure enough, a ridiculous amount of food was delivered to each table.

Nagisa looked down at his currently empty plate. "It seems like a lot."

"Weddings are never just weddings, Nagisa."

He felt a chill at a comment like that. "My mother didn't think teaching me politics was important."

"No?" Karma goaded teasingly. "You'd probably find out about the farms and rescue the animals like you did that dumb cub, leaving us with mass starvation. Maybe it's better you're not involved in that kind of thing."

"Leave Potechi out of it!" "Nagisa immediately defended.

" _Potechi_?"

He shouldn't have become so attached. "…I thought it suited him."

"I can't believe you named it," he said, a sigh crossing over his breath.

Then, Nagisa thought of something. "You have to look after to him too now."

"I-"

"We're _married_."

Karma's eye twitched. Somehow, Nagisa found that pretty funny. He softened a little bit, nerves dispersing, even though right underneath he had to remind himself this wasn't a real marriage. It was hard, with everyone looking up at him. Nagisa couldn't help but look down at how the rest of the people had ridiculously sized meals.

"There's about to be a lot," Karma explained.

He was right. At least, in terms of his own plate, when it was delivered, like a mountain. Nagisa's was a little pathetic in comparison, the colours looking just ever so slightly wrong, and the portion much smaller. Where everyone else was given cups of wine, he only had water. It wasn't that Nagisa minded not being given wine, but it definitely stuck out to him that he was getting different.

Attempting to swallow a mouthful of the food, Nagisa spluttered.

Karma shot him an amused look. "And you thought _my_ herbs were bad. Even if it is for fertility, I don't think I'd eat that."

Apparently the feasting didn't stop, for the rest of the day. When plates went empty, more was brought in to replace them. It was lavish, and it was ridiculous. Nagisa could only really pick at his plates, everything tasting weird and off. But the day went on like that, the two of them not really talking much even when Karma stopped with his own food. Of course, Karma had said he wanted them to be allies, not friends.

At some point, a few guests had abandoned the tables for dancing. If Nagisa hated dancing less, he'd have happily gone to join them, instead of sitting like a statue. He assumed that probably wasn't a part of this whole ritual. It wasn't a real marriage, based off mutual love and agreement. Taking his assassination out of the equation, anyway, this was just politics.

Karma leaned back, eventually. "This is getting boring."

"It's pretty late, isn't it."

He stretched out, and shot Nagisa a look. "Want to leave?"

There was no way that Nagisa was going to say no to that invitation, even if he knew that time was running out. Once again, Karma took the lead in standing up first, and Nagisa followed. The music dwindled somewhat when they did so, the guests who were seated standing up, and those who were dancing coming to a stop. There were a few polite claps, mixed with some louder hollering from those perhaps closer to their age. And then Nagisa realised. They were cheering them on because they thought a consummation was about to happen.

Even if he knew that _that_ was impossible, the suggestion still heated up his cheeks. Karma took him by the wrist out of that hall, and nobody was with them this time. Nagisa would have maybe thought of something to say, but he was busy trying to take note of everything he walked past. He hadn't visited this part of the castle before, finding it far more cut off from the rest of the castle.

Karma's chambers were quite different from the temporary ones he'd been given. When Karma dropped his wrist to swing the door open, he felt a greater sense of homeliness than the rest of the place. It was spacious, but there were a lot of things crammed into it. Parchment and books littered the surfaces, amongst things Nagisa wasn't really sure of. Other than that he immediately noticed the huge four poster bed, decked out in what looked like red silken sheets.

The silence meant he was probably meant to say something. "It's… big."

"My parent's chambers were bigger," Karma explained, "but I didn't want to move in there."

Honestly Nagisa didn't blame him for that. His own father had died before Nagisa could even remember him, or learn to miss him, but he imagined that it would be painful to carry those memories all the time.

"I hate these robes," Karma complained, then, shrugging them off so they hit the floor.

Nagisa turned away from him when he undressed, a little on edge with the thought of seeing it. Instead, his hands came to his own hair, tugging out the ties that had been put into it earlier. It felt good for once, after having it high all day, to have it loose. He also remembered to remove the products that were painted on his face, hating the sticky feeling.

By the time he turned around again, Karma was wearing nothing but shorts made of some kind of thin material, stretching out. Nagisa knew he wasn't very mobile in his current gown, and needed it off, but wasn't that something Karma would probably do? They locked eyes for a moment, but Karma didn't actually _do_ anything.

He was a voyeur, then. Nagisa knew he wouldn't keep it together if he looked Karma in the _eyes_ whilst stripping, so he turned again, the knowledge of him watching just a little better. He removed the gown as best he could, piece by piece, creating a mountain of fabric by his feet. With every layer that came off, he felt just a little bit more free. That was, until he got to the corset. He tried to fiddle with it, but it was impossible to untie without getting a good look at it. He couldn't help but sigh in frustration.

"You can't get undressed without help?" Karma said, though it seemed like the intention was to tease instead of be straight up mean.

With only the sound of a few paces as warning, Karma came up behind him, hands meeting his to take over the job. Though Nagisa was a little nervous about having him so close, he still had an undress on, and from behind at least he could still pass for the opposite gender. It was also weird, the closeness, causing Nagisa's heart to thump with nerves.

Karma stopped for a moment, reaching over for something, and then Nagisa heard a tear as the ties were cut away, rather than undone. "You tangled it."

"O-oh."

He slid the rest of the corset off, hands definitely lingering on Nagisa's waist. "I'll get it fixed if you need it."

Nagisa looked over his shoulder at him. "It's okay, I probably won't."

Instead of doing anything to him, Karma took a step back, before just going to lie down as if he wanted to sleep. That confused him somewhat, since he was sure right then was exactly the build up he needed, when he'd imagined how this plan would go. Karma was still watching him, though, and Nagisa couldn't dissect exactly what for.

Nagisa's heart drowned out every other sound, the beating so fast it made him dizzy. This would have been easier if Karma had just tried to take him right there, so Nagisa wouldn't have to think about it, so he could just _react_. But no, he'd gone straight over to the bed. To get a good angle, Nagisa would have to be in a certain position.

Of course, Irina had taught him this part thoroughly. But actually doing it? It made Nagisa nervous. Through all of his lessons, Nagisa had never actually taken a life. He had to ensure his blade didn't fail. It was still secure against his thigh, thankfully. It had stayed there all day, through everything. Nagisa couldn't help but feel sick, but he knew what he had to do.

His nerves made him forget any semblance of grace. He was supposed to be seducing his target, not breaking into a mess. Trying to keep his legs from shaking, Nagisa paced over to the currently occupied side of the bed. This was meant to be the easy part, but Nagisa hadn't been in a situation like this before!

Gathering all of his strength, he finally climbed onto the mattress, positioning himself with a knee either side of Karma's hips. This way, if he caught on too quick, Nagisa had his best chance at immobilising him. In this exact context, both of them barely dressed, it seemed far too intimate. He could barely concentrate, especially as he desperately tried to think of a way to initiate.

"I'm kind of beat," Karma said, finally, a hand gently pushing at Nagisa's leg, to guide him off. "If you snore or anything I'll just push you off."

Nagisa went with the motion, of course, but lay in bed shocked. Karma had really just… rejected him? It certainly eliminated one issue, and Nagisa supposed that he could just as easily stab him once he was asleep. But it still didn't make all that much sense to him. Karma didn't really strike him as the shy and nervous type.

He wasn't sure how long he laid there, until he was confident that Karma was no longer awake. For a moment, Nagisa just watched him, fingers curling around his knife. In his sleep at least, Karma looked absolutely harmless, much more closer to being a boy than a Lord with a massive army to be feared. He was rolled over on his side, a small amount of drool collecting at the side of his mouth. And Nagisa felt a kind of stabbing sensation in his chest.

If Karma wasn't going to discover his gender _tonight_ , then maybe it would be a better idea to do it tomorrow. It would certainly erase suspicion, if he wasn't immediately murdered on his wedding night. It could also buy Irina more time… Nagisa let go of the weapon, deciding that it wouldn't be the _worst_ thing if Karma lived for just one more day, and let his own eyes fall shut.


	7. Many Days Fell Away With Nothing To Show

Nagisa woke up incredibly conscious of himself. He was supposed to be waking up a killer, not someone's 'wife'. But, there was the sunlight, and the sound of breaths that didn't belong to him. He sat up in bed, folding his arms around himself. Maybe he should just kill Karma in his sleep, it would be easy enough. But no, he was going to stick by his resolve.

What he hadn't been expecting was for Karma's personal guard, Karasuma, to burst in. "You've been sleeping too long."

Karma groaned, rolling over onto his back. "It's early~"

"You have guests to see off," he said, "preparations to make. You've had a week of celebrating already. Apologies, Lady Nagisa," he bowed his head.

Sitting up himself, he stretched. "How come _she_ gets an apology?"

"I have yet to see any evidence of laziness," he commented freely. "You'll be downstairs before breakfast."

Despite the difference in age, the interaction should have been opposite. Karma was the one, with the fortune of his birth, that held the power. Had someone spoken like that to Nagisa's mother, they'd be thrown in the prisons, or at the very least banished from the castle. But, seeing their relationship in an intimate setting, Nagisa realised it was more akin to father and son, than bodyguard and lord.

"Well," Karma dangled his feet over the edge of the bed, "I guess I'll listen to him. Are… you just planning on staying there?"

Nagisa blinked, unsure of what he _was_ actually planning. "I- I'm not sure what's expected of me."

He shrugged. "I don't know, go find one of the main servants or something."

Well, it seemed Karma knew less about being married than he did, so this was probably a disaster waiting to happen. Nagisa remained under the sheets, whilst Karma dressed himself and left, just in case the cold light of day was too revealing. After he was gone, Nagisa finally stretched out, stepping out of bed curiously. This room really was kind of weird.

There was a knock at the door. "Good morning, Lady Nagisa."

From her tone alone Nagisa knew it was an act. So, wincing, he moved over to the door, letting his handmaiden into the room. "Hi."

"What happened?" Irina hissed, shutting it behind her. Her eyes shone wild.

"I thought of a better plan!" Nagisa defended. "A-and, I wanted to give us more time for the plan."

She pulled a fake smile. "Nagisa, are you forgetting something? You're not a woman!"

"It doesn't matter," he said, taking a step back, distance between them for safety's sake.

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "He turned out to prefer men or something?"

"N-not exactly."

Nagisa wasn't sure if he wanted to explain the truth to her. What he'd done, now he could think clearer in the cold hard light of day, was extremely dangerous. Karma's actions had almost got him killed once before. It didn't matter if he'd shared sensitive information, or that they were married. Karma could not be trusted. It shouldn't even be a consideration, he was Nagisa's _target_.

"It's less suspicious, right?" Nagisa asked hopefully. "Waiting a few nights."

"I just hope you know what you're doing," she said, before exiting the room in anger.

Unfortunately, they'd needed each other. Without Irina's help, Nagisa would have been lost here, and he certainly wouldn't have been capable of death. Even if he didn't need her so badly now, any friends were precious. And Nagisa was never one to turn his back on someone who had genuinely helped him, begrudging or not.

In the end, Nagisa decided to go down to the kennels, with no duties immediately capturing his attention. He splashed his face with the warm water, first, and then pulled on the first dress he'd been given, becoming a part of House Akabane. It was a weird feeling that his public title now had to be Lady Akabane. He felt wholly like that didn't suit him.

A servant girl bowed as he entered. "Ah, I wasn't expecting you." She lowered her head, as if it was an afterthought. "Lady Akabane."

"Is Potetchi okay?" Nagisa asked.

"Potetchi?" She tilted her head, though her cheerful expression remained. "I'm sorry, I don't know-"

"The wolf cub," he supplied. "Sorry, I guess I thought of that name on a whim."

She waved him off. "Don't worry, he's been a sweetheart. Is he going to be staying here?"

"I still feel like I should keep an eye on him," Nagisa admitted, feeling a little stupid. "Are you sure he was okay yesterday?"

"Just see for yourself!"

It was like a completely different animal. Potetchi had been a timid little thing, but he came bounding up to Nagisa like he was happy, batting at his skirt with his paws. Forgetting for a moment that he was technically a wolf, Nagisa bent down and picked him up, holding him in his arms like a baby rather than an animal.

"I can see you took really good care of him," Nagisa smiled. "Thank you."

Potetchi started to squirm in his arms, the minute they left the kennels. So, Nagisa sighed, letting him down to the ground. Surprisingly, Potetchi seemed happy to just walk happily along side him, sticking close. A few servants gave him curious looks, but Nagisa decided he didn't mind it all that much. Technically, they were his servants now, right?

Since Potetchi had been cooped up, he decided that maybe they should just walk around the grounds for a bit. There was nothing else obvious for Nagisa to do. The air was cool on his skin, causing him to shudder, but with fur for protection Potetchi didn't seem to mind at all. This part of the grounds was enclosed, so Nagisa wasn't so worried about him running off, especially since he kept an eye on him. The poor thing must have needed to stretch his legs.

There was actually a flurry of activity. Since the wedding was over, their many guests had to leave. Although most seemed to have been close allies, not so far away, there were a couple of lords who had made a much longer journey than that. Nagisa was almost fascinated by the way the servants went into formation like clockwork, efficiently packing everything into carriages.

"How's wedded bliss?"

Nagisa turned, realising he was staring at Prince Gakushuu _again_. "G-good morning, Your Grace."

He smiled easily. "Good morning. I didn't have the chance to congratulate you yesterday."

"I didn't have the chance to speak to much of anyone," he replied, but then realised he shouldn't. Most ladies in his position wouldn't speak up and complain like that. And Nagisa was supposed to be playing a role here, especially if this was going to last a few days longer.

"Yes," he said easily despite Nagisa's worry, "weddings always _have_ been boring. I wonder who's even enjoying them sometimes."

Nagisa felt a little more relaxed. "The old scholars who get to write about the tradition, probably."

The prince let out a half chuckle. "I imagine when it comes to whenever my father decides it's my time, he'll plan the entire thing meticulously."

Their conversation was interrupted by a tug to the bottom of his skirt. Nagisa's attention was immediately drawn downwards, to where Potetchi had returned after his run around. He didn't seem particularly agitated, besides the teeth, but then again Nagisa had never dealt with a wolf before. Potetchi didn't look like he could hurt a fly, though.

"You shouldn't do that," Nagisa said, picking him up.

Prince Gakushuu dipped his head slightly, an indication he was about to leave. "Nice wolf."

Nagisa considered Potetchi. "We probably can't pass you off as a regular dog."

From his arms, Potetchi just panted.

What was Nagisa even supposed to do with his life now? Sew? Play cards? Get drunk on wine until he couldn't remember why he was here anymore? Life must be terrible for the women that had to go through this legitimately, with little other purpose than having children and being looked at. It wasn't like Nagisa could just magic one up out of somewhere. Did Potetchi count?

He thought back to that tour Korosensei gave him. They hadn't seen the whole castle, but Korosensei had mentioned there was a library. Maybe he could go read a book. Though, a place like this, so devoid of real decoration… Probably wouldn't have the most interesting books. It was better than nothing, though.

The library, as it turned out, wasn't that big at all. Potetchi found a nice warm corner to lie down in, though, so Nagisa was pretty much stuck there. To make the most of things, he searched for something that might at least be interesting. To his dismay, half of these were just tax records, but then a big book with red binding caught his eye.

Nagisa slid it out, before making himself comfortable on one of the chairs. What he'd pulled turned out to be some sort of family record. The first few pages were just that, the entire line as far back as it could possibly be recorded, but after that were _accounts_. There were tales of battles and wars, castles, even descriptions of some of the dramatic interpersonal relationships. Nagisa could hardly even believe this wasn't fiction.

His mother had forced him into a girl's education right from the start. Once the basic reading and writing was out of the way, he was taught nothing about managing lands or leading armies, and battles were mentioned only when necessary when he learnt history. He could strum a lute well enough, and carry a tune on the flute. He could speak languages other than the common tongue. He'd learnt to sew until his hands were covered in blisters, but he'd never held a weapon, not until Irina showed him.

Not even thinking too hard about it, he found a piece of parchment and started writing down the parts that interested him the most, though a lot of this was fascinating. He focused more on the useful information, the big events. Something came over him. There was a really interesting description of a system of tunnels that were built underneath the castle, actually. Nagisa decided right the and there that he wanted to try and find them. The only thing that knocked him out of his daze was the sounds of commotion.

"Quiet, boys!" A female voice hushed. "Some people might really be reading in here, you know!"

"Sorry Aunt Akari!" One of the young silver haired boys said. The other didn't seem to care, sifting through the book shelf a little carelessly.

Her face fell when she saw Nagisa. "I'm really sorry about them disturbing you!"

"It's okay," Nagisa folded up his notes and stuffed them into his dress pocket. "I've probably been here too long anyway."

She smiled brightly, instead. "That looks like an interesting book!"

Like a child who had done something wrong, he closed it immediately. "I just want to learn more about my new family."

There was a kind of severity to her nod. "I almost wish I'd done the same." When he looked confused, she continued. "I was made into Lord Yanagisawa's ward when my sister was married him years ago. My father thought it would be better for us to grow up closer to the King, so that's pretty much the family I have."

"You aren't close to your family?"

"I was close to my sister," she said, "other than that, my mother used to send letters before she died…"

Nagisa felt kind of awful. As much as he found to complain about in his own life, at least he wasn't surrounded by death. His father died when he was a new born, so he had been too young to really be sad about it or to miss him. To live through the death of two family members… It sounded awful. Yet, she still seemed to keep a positive demeanour.

"Lady Yukimura-"

She flinched, then scratched the back of her neck. "Can you call me by another name?"

There was something she wasn't telling him. "Lady Akari?"

"Kayano," she said. "But, only when nobody else is really around, okay!"

Was she intending on them being alone with him often, then? Nagisa was under the impression that the wedding guests would be gone within a few days. No, he was sure Lord Yanagisawa was supposed to be leaving. There was something off about… Kayano, something that sparked his every sense. But, he almost forgot just looking at her, feeling an ease that must have been artificial but still affected him.

"Itona," she called, and one of the silver haired boys appeared obediently at her side. "You should probably go and remind your father that he needs to check the carriages this evening. Oh, and, take your brother!"

He nodded to her, and went to tug at the other boy's arm, encouraging him to leave the room. There was something weird going on there, too, but he wasn't sure what to even think of it. Young or not, Kayano seemed almost like their mother when she spoke to them. And how she asked him to call her by a different name… He felt a kind of worry for that feeling.

"I should probably be returning too," she stood up, delicately smoothing out her skirts, before tapping his book. "Hopefully I'll see you again soon.

It took Nagisa a few seconds, after she left, to realise there was a folded piece of paper resting on top of the book. Making sure nobody was there to see him, he unfolded it.

 _Keep your eye on the plains._

He wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean. The plains? Thinking back to Karma's tour of the place, there had been a lot of flat land. This had to be some kind of warning, but for what? And if it _was_ a warning, then why him? In case it really was dangerous information, Nagisa stuffed it into his pocket too, where it got mixed up with his other papers.

Realising how late it had gotten, he carefully nudged Potetchi, waking him up from the peaceful sleep he'd been having for the last few hours. His own stomach meant he had to leave, before he passed out from hunger, and Potetchi was likely the same. Nobody had really told him about dinner arrangements, though, so he defaulted to going back to Karma's – and he supposed his – room.

As it turned out, despite the many dining halls, dinner was delivered right to the room anyway. Though, Nagisa could have sworn a couple of servants started whispering to each other when he walked past, so maybe they'd just been waiting for him. Maybe he should ask Karma. Not that he was there, despite how late it was. So, Nagisa ate his dinner in silence, leaving half the meat so Potetchi could eat something. The minute Nagisa put his plate on the floor, he happily accepted the meal.

And then he was just in that room. Nagisa almost regretted coming back, because there was nothing to _do_. He stripped off his clothes, managed to wash his body, and dressed himself in a fresh nightgown, all without any kind of interruption. For his own security, he decided to keep his knife close still, just in case Karma decided he wanted to consummate their union. If he even showed up.

With nothing to keep him entertained, Nagisa found his eyes growing heavy. He didn't exactly have a huge desire to speak to Karma, anyway, so there was no reason to stay up and wait for him, really. With that decided, he picked Potetchi up, tucking him into bed next to him. He'd had to sleep in the kennels the night before, so it was only fair he got a proper warm bed tonight. Like that, it wasn't long at all until he drifted off.

"Eugh!"

Nagisa sat up, confused by the noise, until he noticed the candles were still lit, and Karma had appeared in bed beside him. Currently, Potetchi was licking at his hand, seemingly happy to see him.

Karma squinted at Potetchi. "Why is the cub in our bed?"

"You weren't here," Nagisa lay back down, too tired to care about his rudeness. "He's not taking up much space."

Karma muttered something, but it couldn't have been important, because the candles were blown out right away, and Potetchi wasn't removed from the bed. So Karma definitely did have a heart, underneath his steel surface. Perhaps if Nagisa wasn't supposed to be killing him eventually, he would have liked to learn more about that. Right then, though, all he had was resting next to each other.

To his disappointment, things didn't get more interesting as the days went by. In fact, aside from the castle becoming very empty, nothing changed. He could tell the permanent residents of the castle were mostly just holding their breath waiting for him to be pregnant. Of course, that was never going to happen. Even if he _did_ have a womb, the most interaction he had with his husband was a few words every night and morning, before going their separate ways.

On his sixth day of marriage, Irina approached him about the actual reason they were there. And, Nagisa was absolutely overjoyed, to put it lightly. Even reading was getting a little old, though he'd also spent quite a lot of his time searching for the supposed tunnels, to no avail. But finally, something important for him to do, something that required his head.

"You didn't choose the easiest way," she said, like she was still annoyed. "But, it's been a little helpful. I need more time."

"So you haven't managed to find anything useful?" He asked.

She pursed her lips. "I have a new tactic. The bodyguard."

"K-karasuma?"

"He knows a lot. Too much, for someone of his position on the face of it." She flipped her hair. "Don't worry, I'll have him wrapped around my finger in no time."

Nagisa honestly wasn't so sure it would be that easy. All of his interactions with the man had been short and to the point, and whilst he and Karma seemed to have some kind of bond between them, he guessed that was just the man's personality. He was incredibly serious, and likely not easily swayed by a beautiful woman, even if she was a master assassin.

"Here," she reached into her pockets, producing a bag. "This place has some debauched parties. We've committed to not acting too fast, so this is in case your husband does start to desire you."

Nagisa looked at it sceptically. "Aren't these just… mushrooms?"

"It doesn't matter," she half snapped. "They'll subdue and confuse anyone who eats them."

She left, after passing him the confusing gift. He would have wished her luck, maybe, but she seemed to be in a hurry. Nagisa almost started to wonder if she liked it here. The bag ended up in his pockets, which were turning out to be a very good hiding place. He would only use them if it was completely necessary, though, he decided. He didn't trust Irina giving him strange things.

He was actually sewing (Nagisa really was bored and also running out of clothes) when Karma appeared in the room. This time, he strode in yawning, even though it was barely past the morning. He gave Potetchi, who was sleeping, a little pat on the head before simply shrugging his shoes off and collapsing backwards onto the bed, sighing in relief as he did so.

"Are you okay?" Nagisa felt obligated to ask.

One eye opened. "Planning a war is hard work."

Nagisa set down his needle. "Will it happen soon?"

His other eye opened. "It would be stupid to just go and attack a King. I need to make sure the support is solid, and will stay that way. Plus, it's always better if they slip up and get vulnerable. It could be months, could be years."

"And you'll leave here?"

A grin came onto his face. "Why, are you going to miss me?"

"I didn't say-"

Before the conversation could be continued, Karasuma burst in, but he had his sword out and looked extremely distressed. "There's an army coming. We spotted the start of it from the tower just now."

Karma bolted up, his own face going a little grave. "Big?"

"Nothing we can't hold off if we're fast," Karasuma nodded.

"Do what you have to," Karma gave his permission. "Gather all the hands you can, and send word to some of our neighbouring houses in case things get ugly. Well," he turned back to Nagisa, "it looks like there'll be a battle sooner than I thought."


	8. The only sound, it's the battle cry

"My Lady," one of the guards sounded exasperated. "My Lady, you need to come with us to the tower, just in case something happens."

But Nagisa wasn't listening to them. He was fixed at the window, staring out at the courtyard. People could be dying outside of these castle walls, in fact they were _definitely_ dying, and Nagisa was trapped inside. He couldn't even _see_ what was happening. These men had been sent to protect him, he knew, but they striking his nerves.

 _Just play the part you have to_ , a voice in his head told him, _this isn't your battle_. But, something felt not quite right about this. Not right at all. His head spun at a dizzying speed, trying to catch up with his instincts. And Nagisa trusted his instincts quite a lot. But then again, there wasn't a lot he could do about it, right? Then, he thought about something.

He turned to the guards. "What direction did the army come from?"

They looked between each other. "North, My Lady."

The plains. He remembered that note he'd been passed, stomach churning. He'd been _warned_ about this. Which meant that Kayano definitely knew something. So… the likelihood was that this was Lord Yanagisawa's doing. But _why_? He knew Yanagisawa was a close ally of the king, but Karma's world domination plans didn't seem to be that public.

Maybe that note had given him some sort of sense of self importance. In reality, it was probably that she'd expected him to pass it on to Karma, if it truly did mean something. But, Karma had already left, armour and sword and horse and all. There was another piece of this puzzle, which was why he was trying to see- To _see_.

"I-I'll make my own way to the tower," he said.

They exchanged another look. "My Lady, it's for your safety…"

"They haven't broken in _yet_ , right?" He tried. "And they won't, I have faith in our armies. You should focus on making sure the servants are okay, I know the way."

"We'll be there shortly," they nodded, taking their leave.

Once the door was closed behind him, Nagisa pulled the knife out from under his skirts, just in case. Though, he'd only ever imagine using it on one person. He only had a short window of freedom, now, and he was going to make the most of it. He did indeed go to the tower, but instead of going down, he travelled up.

His legs started to burn at the steepness of the steps and the speed he was travelling, but he kept going, determination fuelling his heart, right until he reached the top, and freezing cold wind hit his face. If archers were going to be sent up there, they hadn't arrived yet. Nagisa was nearly knocked over the wind, so he grabbed onto the stone, pulling himself into a position where he could finally get a view of things.

He'd never seen a battle before, not even as far away as this, and he almost felt sick. That was, until he reminded himself he had a reason to be there. He could make out which side was which, based on the scarlet of House Akabane's colours. But… he forced himself to think. To remember. The others had no banners, no colours, nothing. Were they mercenaries? Though they hadn't spoken, Lord Yanagisawa seemed like the proud type.

 _Think_ , he said to himself, _think_. There were no siege weapons, not unless they were hidden far away. But that kind of defeated the point of a siege, didn't it? In fact, it didn't seem like a big army at all. Nagisa didn't know much at all about battle tactics, in fact this last week he'd learnt more than he'd ever thought was possible. It was logic, though, that if you were going to use a surprise attack on someone, you'd come more prepared. There didn't seem to be much of a formation, either, and Nagisa had spent pages reading about how important that was. It seemed almost like a pointless attack.

Unless… They weren't trying to defeat the army, or take the castle. He thought back to the warning once again, trying to evaluate the way the opposition were moving. If they weren't taking the castle, then that left just one option, one option that Nagisa was surprisingly well versed in. This was an assassination. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but it was the only reason Nagisa could think of. Kill Karma in a less suspicious way, and get away with it.

Maybe he eventually wanted Karma to die, but not like this! Nagisa had to get him to pull back or something, to let his army do the fighting and get him to safety… but _how_? He could hardly stand up there and wave a banner… And pretty much everyone capable of fighting was already out there. The only chance he'd have would be to go out onto the battlefield himself.

Nagisa wasn't thinking clearly, but he _ran_. Back down the tower, and into the main part of the castle. All the ways out of the castle would be secured… but there had to be a way. There was _always_ a way. But, as he moved, he nearly tripped over on his long skirts. His rationality returned a little bit, then. He could hardly be of much help looking like a _lady_.

So, he darted back into his quarters, digging wildly through the chest until he found the clothes Karma had giving him for hunting. Perhaps it was the adrenaline, but he made quick work of pulling the clothes from his body. Making a last minute decision, he forcefully detached the skirt part, and yanked the outfit on. It was hardly armour, but at least he could move flexibly.

Tying his hair off his face, he used what used to be the skirt as a hood, obscuring his hair and face to the point he was hopefully unrecognisable. Now to find a way out. In the time that he'd caught his breath a little, Nagisa's mind had kept spinning. The only thing he could think of was a long shot, but just on the tip of his tongue. He had to try and find the passage ways, and hope that one of them would take him to the right place.

Most of the castle's population had already been evacuated to safety. Which meant there was nobody really to catch him as he looked around desperately, as if pushing against every stone in the castle one by one was really going to help him. But he _had_ to warn Karma, and that was giving him the push he needed to act.

"How did you get into the castle?" A voice he'd heard before said out of nowhere.

Nagisa swallowed, freezing where he stood. "How do I get _out_?"

There was a pause. "Lady Nagisa?"

His heart sunk into the pit of stomach. Being recognised surely meant to end for him. He turned, locking eyes with Karma's tutor and adviser. Someone Karma trusted so fully… seeing him like this… What could Nagisa do, except kill? But this wasn't just some ordinary man, this was also one of the most infamous assassins in the kingdom's history, alive or dead.

"K-korosensei?"

But he didn't immediately call for the guards. "What are you doing?"

"I need to go and help Karma," he said desperately, "this isn't a normal battle. They're all going to go after him, I'm sure, and he'll die if he stays out there-"

"This never happened," Korosensei said, lips tight.

"What-"

"If you're sure that you can help him, then go. I believe I can trust in your instincts. We'll both forget we ever saw each other today."

Mercy? Nagisa's mind was spinning, he could hardly process what was even happening here. Was this kindness, or something else? Affection and desperation for Karma? Whatever the case, Nagisa really didn't want to argue with him, not when he'd been given a chance like this. So, he turned right back to the stone, before something occurred to him.

"Korosensei," Nagisa swallowed, "you know a lot about this castle, don't you? How about… secret passages?"

There was a glint in his eye. "There are rumours and legends, yes. I never went looking for them myself."

He couldn't give up. "Do you have any idea where they would be?"

"Well," he started, like he definitely knew _something_ , "I can only imagine that an escape system like that would be built to benefit the most important people in the castle."

Nagisa's first thought was to rush right back into Karma's chambers, before a thought occurred to him. Karma had mentioned that he hadn't wanted to move into what was traditionally the lord's chambers after his parents died. He had to make an assumption then that Karma was the first to make that decision, meaning that could very well be the entrance to the tunnels he needed.

As a result of his boredom in the last week, Nagisa had pretty much memorised his way around the castle, especially since he was looking for the passages. It was one of the few rooms he hadn't ventured inside. He didn't have a huge reason to keep that level of respect for Karma, exactly, but no matter what their circumstances were, he wasn't keen to visit the room of his dead parents.

As he did step into the room for the first time, he felt a near overwhelming sense of sadness. As far as he could tell, things were left as though the previous owners still inhabited the space. He almost choked on the dust, too, which told him Karma probably disallowed the servants to come in here. For a moment, Nagisa almost forgot what he was trying to do, becoming transfixed by the chilling décor.

Just off alignment with the bed was a tapestry, stretching from ceiling to floor. Nagisa couldn't help but stop and stare at its beauty. It showed the picture of a happy family, a man, woman, and young boy with hair the colour of fire. Their eyes seemed to be weaved with real gold. It was happiness, all members of the family wearing proud smiles and forward facing gazes. But there was the melancholy that came with his realisation that most of the figures were now dead, the true bright colours not shining through so brightly due to the mask of dust.

He touched it with his fingers, before feeling a lick of wind. Wind that shouldn't have been _coming_ from a stone wall. Although he was worried about damaging it, Nagisa peeled the tapestry back, and locked eyes with what was clearly a screen acting like a makeshift door. Even without opening it up, Nagisa knew this had to be what he was looking for. His sense of urgency returning, he turned over his shoulder, finding a candle stick that thankfully hadn't been moved.

There was no telling exactly when these tunnels had last been used, but when he stepped into them, he knew it couldn't have been recent. The stone was uneven, almost dangerous, and Nagisa practically choked on the old air. There was no way, even in the past, that these had been a regular route in and out of the castle. But, he had no time to waste, so he moved as quickly as he could. There were a couple of turnings, but Nagisa decided to hope for the best and keep left, though he felt like he was walking for far too long.

When he finally got to the end of the tunnel, Nagisa was confused, because it _seemed_ to be a dead end, until he looked up, noticing just a few rays of light. All he could do was take the opportunity, pushing up as hard as he could, until he realised there was some give that it moved. Nagisa jumped with his hands raised, and then whatever was over his head shifted entirely, revealing a way out.

Pulling himself up through the trap door, Nagisa realised he was standing in some kind of food cellar. His first thought was it was the castle kitchens, but that passage had gone on for far too long. He extinguished the candle, not wanting to set fire to any of the wood surrounding him. Dressed as he was, with a knife in his other hand, he realised he looked quite suspicious. But regardless, he snuck up the stairs, briefly noting that this appeared to be some sort of tavern, before finding his way outside.

It was just… village, though he could hear the sounds of war, mingled with the cries of confused common people, rushing for their houses. Nagisa had no idea where he was, but that didn't matter. All he had to do was orient himself well enough to locate the battle. It seemed like everyone was too frightened for their own lives to pay much attention to him.

Aside from the attack, Nagisa must have been blessed with luck somehow, because after wandering for just a few minutes he came across a horse that was already saddled up. It wasn't much of a.. _war_ horse. By Nagisa's best guess, it belonged to some kind of farmer, based on the tools lying on the cart next to it. He felt bad, but he didn't have _time_.

Nagisa brandished his knife, and sliced the binds that were stopping it from running away. If they survived this battle, Nagisa would make sure the owner got paid back, tenfold. He couldn't exactly just walk into battle, and he needed an escape, too. He almost climbed right onto the horse, before he took a second look at the tools. They were for farming, not battle, but maybe it would be good to have more of a distance weapon. This was a battle, not one on one combat. The best thing of the bunch seemed to be scythe, which he also decided to take, with the intention to _eventually_ pay back.

"S-steady," Nagisa tried, stroking the horse's nose.

He used what upper body strength he did have to mount the horse, who thankfully didn't immediately buck him off. Nagisa steadied his weight, before nudging the horse _hard_ , and then he was flying off out of the village. There weren't a lot of plains close to the castle, so the first clear ground he came across was likely going to site of the battle.

Sure enough, it didn't take him long until he could hear it all. Had it not been for some sort of internal desperation, Nagisa would have surely stopped and paused to take it all in. This wasn't a book, these were real people _really_ getting slaughtered. That wasn't what really mattered right then, though. He had to try and find Karma amongst the bloodbath.

He took the horse as close as he could, before he knew it was too much attention to risk. At that point, Nagisa got off, the hard ground hitting against his boots. Now just to find Karma… Somewhere. He could try looking for red, but that was the colour of war, banners and blood and just about everything. There was Irina's training, though, with that he could try his best to become invisible.

Nagisa found himself dancing between the clashes of swords, moving his body like a snake coiling around a branch. He wasn't there to fight, just to find Karma. Nagisa had a horrible feeling he might even be too late, but he had to _try_. Faces and hair was a no go, but he could at least try and find Karma's sword, which was pretty distinctive all things considered.

Although, his talents only went so far. He wasn't identifiable as a part of either side, but that wouldn't hold up forever. Any second, someone could realise he wasn't a part of their army, and attack him. He kept himself low, then, until he finally sensed bloodlust coming his way. It was from the other side, at least, so Nagisa didn't have to be so worried about fighting back.

Everything happened too fast to fathom. Nagisa swung the scythe out, unused to using such a long weapon. He felt no impact, though, either on his body or at the other end of his weapon. Looking up, he could see that whoever it was had fallen to his knees, stumbling back like he was afraid of something. Nagisa wasn't sure what that was exactly, but he still stepped out, flexing his weapon.

And then he heard a half broken groan. Nagisa's eyes shot down, and _what were the chances_? There was nothing to immediately identify the person he'd just half trodden on, but Nagisa had a hunch. He used his boot, gently kicking the body over, and he tried not to throw up on the spot at the deep wound he saw across his body. But, he was right, this was definitely Karma. Karma who had to be _alive_ , if he'd made a noise, but barely.

He was standing stationary in the middle of a battlefield… Why was nobody attacking him? Nagisa thrust the scythe out in a circular motion, but it was as if the fighting paused around him. He didn't have time to worry about it, though… He had to get Karma out of there. And then, the worst thing happened, _he opened his eyes_.

If Karma lived, it was over for Nagisa if he recognised him here. He had half the mind to hit him over the head and knock him out, when he just about remembered what Irina had given earlier that very same day, which felt like a year ago honestly. He haphazardly took the bag of fungi out, which he'd transferred when he changed clothes, and shoved one in Karma's poor, confused mouth.

Now just to get him out, somehow. Nagisa looked around frantically for any horses that had lived through the battle, and weren't immediately being used in battle. He didn't want to have to drag Karma's body too far… He looked around sharply, where someone was charging, but slowed. Nagisa could at least try and fight _one_ person. But, when he got into position, the man threw himself off his horse like he'd just _given up_.

He had no idea what was going on, but Nagisa didn't have time for questions. With an opportunity presenting itself like that, he was going to take it. With that amount of blood, Karma could really die. A surge of adrenaline went through Nagisa's small body, something he was probably never going to repeat again, and he picked Karma's body up.

It felt like hauling an entire castle on his shoulders, and even with the fear surging him one, he wasn't sure how long he could hold out. He was near to collapsing under Karma's weight, but through sheer will he managed it, just about getting Karma onto the horse's back. Repositioning him so he didn't immediately fall off was easier once he was up there, even if Nagisa's muscles felt like they were going to drop off his body after that kind of a strain. Once he felt it was good enough, he jumped on behind him, and took the reigns.

Karma's body lolled forwards and he shuddered, but there was breathing and that's all that Nagisa was concerned about. They sped away on the horse, heading directly for the castle. It wasn't too far away, at the very least, and they were playing with time.

"m dead?" Karma said, and then started laughing hysterically despite the fact he was bleeding out.

"N-not yet," Nagisa was suddenly incredibly concerned about those mushrooms Irina had given him. "Don't die on me," Nagisa whispered, barely even noticing the irony for himself.

When the guards saw the body, they opened up the gates immediately, and Nagisa knew he'd done all he could. He should just let Karma die, since he was

But there was something more going on here and Nagisa was determined to figure out exactly what. It wouldn't be safe, to have Karma dead. Not if that was what _someone else_ wanted, probably for reasons far less straightforward than him. So, right then, Nagisa's mission twisted. He had to keep Karma _alive_. To do that, he had to not be caught, so he hopped off the horse, hoping the castle guards would figure out what to do.

"Wow, _pretty_!" Karma reached out when he caught sight of him, only one eye open, but Nagisa pushed his body back onto the horse more securely, and took off in the opposite direction.


	9. You and I'll be safe and sound

"Lady Nagisa! We've been looking all over for you!"

Nagisa turned, smoothing his skirts out. "Oh? Is the battle over already?"

The guards he had tricked earlier looked between each other. "Just about."

"A-and my husband?"

Nagisa had just about cleaned Karma's blood from his skin. There was a _lot_ of blood. Now that Nagisa wanted him alive, he could only squeeze his eyes shut and _hope_. The only part he could cling to was that Karma had been conscious enough to speak, if only briefly. But, this was a strong house, a house used to war. He had to try and trust in their expertise of treating battle wounds.

The taller of the two bowed his head. "We know barely more than you, My Lady."

A pounding came to the door. "I-is Lady," the woman stopped in her tracks, and then immediately bowed. "Lady Nagisa, I'm sorry- Lord Akabane was rushed into our infirmary with a grave wound."

Nagisa knew to pretend he was shocked. On the inside, though, he was overjoyed Karma had actually made it that far. There was a chance he hadn't, but then again Nagisa hadn't been able to judge the full extent of his injuries. Nobody was out of the woods yet, and there was still the matter of why the battle had even happened in the first place. He got the feeling Karma might listen to him, somehow, if he lived.

"Is it safe?" One of the guards questioned.

"Lady Nagisa has her right to a goodbye," she said, "but, My Lady… It's quite a lot. Sparing your eyes from it wouldn't taint your reputation at all."

Nagisa steeled himself. "Let me see him."

A _goodbye_. Nagisa felt kind of sick, but he hoped that hadn't been for nothing. He trailed after the servant, trying to ignore the fear in everyone's eyes as they walked past. The castle seemed smaller than it had when he was the only person running around within it. In the back of his mind, he remembered that his identity wasn't entirely a secret anymore. No matter what happened to Karma, he needed to _deal with that_.

The infirmary was chaotic. Though there were probably men in worse condition still out on that battlefield, several people were assisting Karma. Since they were gathered around him, it was hard to see what the extent really was, but Nagisa felt his heart race increase at the glimpses he did manage to catch, vision filling with crimson blood.

"Say your blessings," one of the older women muttered grimly, catching sight of him.

Nagisa found a gap, somehow, and dropped to his knees beside Karma's chest, the opposite side to his injury. _You're not allowed to die_ , he wanted to say, _not after I saved you_. He couldn't, though, not without giving himself away. He had to play the role of a dutiful wife, and that was all. So, instead, he took a hold of his limp hand and squeezed it tightly, letting his eyes fall shut.

A voice sounded out something, raw and scratchy, full of strange syllables that definitely didn't fit the common tongue.

His heart jumped. "Karma?"

Something else came out of him, his voice raised up to a weird pitch.

"I-I can't understand you," Nagisa begged, but suddenly there was hope in his heart.

Karasuma joined Nagisa at his side. "It's a tribal language from the Grass Lands," he explained. "I didn't realise Lord Karma could speak it."

He tried to sit up, then, but strong hands of the medic went to push him down. "You must remain still, My Lord."

Karma whined, somehow finding the strength to fight against even that, despite his wound.

"Fool," Karasuma tutted, moving to pin him down himself. "You never should have rode out in the first place-"

"Look at the fairies, Karasuma~"

With a small amount of horror, Nagisa realised what was happening. Of course, he'd forced him to take that drug Irina had given him, so that he wouldn't recognise Nagisa for who he really was. But now it must really be taking effect. Or else, he was delirious from being so close to death. Perhaps it was a combination of both things, but Karma definitely wasn't all there. He could only hope that this didn't damage him too badly.

"This isn't normal," one of the women, who was assisting in the cleaning of his wound, just about, found the bravery to speak up.

"Doesn't hurt," Karma protested, whining much like an insolent child. "I feel real good, see? I can see my fingers~ all seven of them~"

As if to demonstrate, he held out his hand, staring up at it in a kind of awe. Like this was the first time he was discovering that he did, in fact, _have_ a hand. Nagisa didn't know exactly what he was feeling, like that. He hoped that at the very least, the drug had taken some of the pain away. Nagisa couldn't bear to look closely at the wound anymore.

"I've never seen this," the person who seemed to be the chief medic uttered. "Even with blood loss, his mind is so active-"

Karasuma gave him a grave look. "Can you still treat him?"

"Let me up!" Karma complained. "The stars are coming for me!"

He lowered his head. "It won't be pleasant. He's bleeding too much, but," he motioned some of the assistants, who were carrying a red hot bracket of metal. They came close, fear in their eyes, as the medic pulled on some gloves and took the cool end, positioning it above the wound.

"What's he doing?" Nagisa stared at it, wide eyed.

"You best leave," the medic said. "This is no sight for you."

"No, don't leave!" Karma practically shrieked, grabbing Nagisa's arm like a leech.

Nagisa held his breath. "I won't go."

Only a moment passed, before it was pressed onto the skin. There was silence, filled only with the sizzling of Karma's own flesh as it was burnt by the rod. After that, the most jarring scream Nagisa had ever heard, as his own arm was squeezed beyond belief. He bore it, though, the smell of burnt flesh giving him the urge to vomit. All he could do was stay by Karma's side and let him cling to him.

"The bleeding has stopped," the medic said. "Honey and egg whites, please."

Karma's breathing was laboured, but at least he was _breathing_. The assistants worked on rubbing the mixture onto the now closed wound, and though he didn't make another noise, it must have been excruciating. Instead of reacting, though, his eyes were open, staring into nothing as though he'd entered a deep trance.

"I believe he'll live," the medic finally said. "It's best that he stay here to rest under my close watch, though, at least for the next day."

Nagisa exhaled shakily. That was one issue immediately taken care of. With the immediate danger quelled, Nagisa had no idea where to even start. There was a large chance that he could have revealed himself, at the cost of saving Karma's life. He couldn't determine that quite yet, though. Not until Karma was truly awake and sane. After everything, Nagisa didn't want to be forced to kill him.

He stayed true to his promise, remaining by Karma's side, even when his condition was declared stable and most of the assistants went out to aid with tending to the other soldiers' injuries. For the most part, Karma remained in his silence, though he occasionally jerked and mumbled something incoherent. Eventually, he fell asleep, finally dropping Nagisa's hand.

"You should go to bed, My Lady," the medic addressed him.

Nagisa hesitated. "He begged me to stay."

He sighed. "Forgive me for being forward, but you've yet to bleed since your arrival. Whilst there's still time, we should remain hopeful. Just in the case that you are already with child, you should keep any strain to a minimum."

If only Nagisa could actually explain that pregnancy really wasn't going to be an issue for him. Honestly, he needed to be careful about the monthly cycles thing. The servants were at least bound to gossip… If he could get some animal blood from somewhere, he should be able to fake it. He'd have to think about that soon, since he'd been here just long enough.

Of course, Nagisa was playing a role here, and he had even more reason to maintain that. "I fear I'd be even more strained, waiting in worry."

The medic lowered his head, and they were mostly left alone. Eventually, he must have fallen asleep, because he blinked and sun hit his eyes. Once he remembered where he was, Nagisa sat himself up frantically. He was relieved to see that Karma's chest was heaving with breath, but his eyes were still as closed as they'd been the night before.

"G-good morning, My Lady!" One of the medical assistants said. Nagisa recognised her, the girl Karma had given his favour to. "I'm sorry to wake you!"

"He's been sleeping for a long time," he looked at Karma.

Her eyes fell to the ground. "It was a severe injury. It's much easier for the body to heal itself, in rest. But, when he wakes, we might be able to move him to his actual chambers. It's much better to be comfortable!" A determined look came over her face. "I need to tend the wound now, though."

Nagisa tried his best not to get in her way as she did what she had to. Her hair was already tied back in twin braids, but she secured it up with a pin and gathered some supplies. It was probably a good thing Karma was deep in sleep, so that he couldn't feel the main of having his injury irritated. Not that anything drastic was happening, mostly it looked like she was just cleaning it and applying some sort of salve.

"You're very skilled," he eventually said, watching in slight admiration. "What's your name?"

She locked up, a flush appearing on her cheeks. "M-manami," she replied nervously. "I wish to study at one of the large libraries in Kunudon one day, but for now, it's good to get a practical grasp."

Honestly that sounded tough. But, maybe Nagisa could say something to the medic in her favour. For lowborn people, he was aware far more work was needed to access certain things. Then again, he was trapped and restricted in his own ways too. The least he could do, though, was do his best to make things a little easier.

"I hope you make it there."

Manami smiled shyly. "You should eat something."

Of course, Nagisa had pretty much forgotten his own health in all of this. He didn't want to take any of the supplies from the people it was intended for, even if he did technically own it in a roundabout way. He did allow himself, however, to bite into an apple, hoping it wouldn't be missed. As food finally hit his stomach, he stared at Karma's still body, catching a glimpse of the gore before Manami hid it away again.

After what felt like a long time, the medic returned, a smile painted across his face. He spoke directly with Manami, catching up presumably, before she was dismissed. As tired as he was, Nagisa didn't want to be told to leave again. Somehow, he felt like he'd dug a grave for himself, and he needed to see it through entirely to the end.

"Things are looking better than I hoped," he finally said. "I've sent for some men, so we can return him to your chambers."

"Already?"

He nodded firmly. "Lord Akabane is known to us for his… spirit. Better to do it now than before he wakes."

From what Nagisa knew of his husband, which admittedly wasn't a whole lot, he could definitely picture him being a difficult patient. It didn't take long for the men to arrive, and they seemed to be unsettlingly practised at transporting bodies. Not really knowing what to do with himself, Nagisa trailed behind them.

It was like all the life had been sucked out of the castle. Nagisa wondered whether a respectful distance was being kept, or whether everyone was still frightened from the battle the day before. He knew he was going to have to broach that subject very soon, but first he just really wanted to see Karma awake and sane.

They lay him down carefully on the bed, tucking him in like a child. Honestly, he didn't look far from one in his sleep, so peaceful and blind to the fact that he was almost killed. Once he was settled, the men were quick to take their leave. The unsettling thought that they probably had far more bodies to deal with as it was crept into his mind.

"Please call for me when the Lord wakes," the medic instructed. "I'd like to check his mental state."

Nagisa didn't know what to do with himself, when he was once again left alone. A part of him was overtaken with fear that something could go wrong, as he had no idea on how to care for this kind of injury. The irony really wasn't lost on him, but what else could he do? There was something a lot bigger going on here than his personal plots, and he'd been tossed right into the middle of it.

At least Karma's bedside was more comfortable than the practical for purpose infirmary. Nagisa felt like he might actually rest for a moment, if not for the many thoughts clouding his head. He knew he needed to speak to somebody, but his options were limited, until Karma woke up. That was, if anybody would actually believe his word.

Before he could think further, a light whine distracted him.

" _Potechi_?"

In reply, the cub crawled out from under the bed. Nagisa felt a rush of guilt, having left him alone for so long. Although he knew logically the cub wouldn't starve in one night, and he'd probably been nice and warm in Karma's chambers, Nagisa had forgotten about him. Trusting Potechi's temperament, Nagisa picked him up, holding him close in his arms as though he was a baby.

He smiled sadly as Potechi wagged his tail. "Want to try and wake Karma up?"

Once Potechi was placed on top of the bed, he knew exactly what to do. That was, as it turned out, licking at Karma's exposed hand. When he eventually did wake up, he probably wouldn't take too kindly to it, but that was a problem for later. As far as Nagisa knew, wolves responded a lot to scent, and Potechi hadn't seen Karma _either_ since the battle.

The loud clap of the door being thrust open alerted Nagisa in an instant. He'd expected to be left mostly alone, but in marched a group of men, lead by Karasuma who was definitely unscathed, now Nagisa could see him properly. It sent an instant spike of fear through his entire body, since he knew there had to be a huge reason they were here so urgently.

"He's still asleep," Karasuma said, apparently halfway through stating a fact. "No point in holding council when he's not present."

"There's no time to waste," another man protested. "We may have a war on our hands in mere days."

Karasuma finally looked down at Nagisa. "How's his condition?"

"H-he'll be okay," Nagisa swallowed, standing properly. "They said he's healing."

"Good," one of the men said. "We'll have some stability in the coming weeks."

Another cleared his throat. "We had plenty of that, before our _new arrival_."

Karasuma's eyes narrowed. "Be careful."

He glared back, though. "It's clear this must be the work of some traitor. Who else?"

Of everything Nagisa had thought he might be accused of, it wasn't sending an army to try and dispose of Karma and a force of his men. He didn't know how this man was even imagining he'd managed to _orchestrate_ something like that. If only he knew that Nagisa could have had Karma dead several times over if he really wanted it. That didn't matter, though, what did matter was the multiple armed men now looking at him like the enemy.

"I didn't do anything," Nagisa said, realising how unconvincing that must sound. "B-but, I think I might have an idea who did."

"Treason in itself," the man spat out.

Looking between themselves, each of them, with the exception of Karasuma, drew their swords. That was the time to really begin to panic. Perhaps Nagisa could fight his way out of a situation where it was just one of them, but he knew he lacked the ability to take on several skilled men with swords when he only had a hidden knife at his disposal.

"Lower your sword," a very dry, _low_ , voice came from the bed.

Like stupidity had possessed him, Nagisa turned his head from where the people threatening him were, and he saw that Karma was finally awake. He wasn't exactly sat up, likely due to the injury, but his eyes were still wide and alert, trained on the man who was leading this sudden accusation. It gave Nagisa at least a kind of uncertain relief, that maybe Karma wouldn't let them just execute him like that.

"But, my Lord-"

"I gave you an order," he was sturdy, acting for the first time since Nagisa had arrived like the lord he actually was. "Why are you threatening my wife?" He glanced around the room. "Especially with that kind of force. What are you expecting her to do, leap out the window?"

He lowered his weapon, and also his head. "Of course not, apologies, my Lord, but we have serious grounds to believe there's been treason-"

Karma finally looked at Nagisa. "Did you betray me?"

Taken aback by the sudden question, Nagisa frantically shook his head. "N-no!"

"There," he said, "now you can drop it."

"You heard him," Karasuma ordered. "We'll get to the bottom of this later," he shot Nagisa a look. "For now, we've seen the lord is alive and well, as _lucky_ as he is to be so. That's enough to leave."

Nagisa was completely dazed, as they left with as little fanfare as they had coming in. Looking at Karma, he seemed confused, too, though he had reasons to be confused. The last he probably remembered, he was lying half dead on a battlefield. The sudden adrenaline of the call to action gone, Karma reverted, before suddenly doubling over and spluttering as he vomited the contents of his stomach.

"I'll call for the servants right away!" Nagisa darted, once he'd caught his breath. "And here," he handed over a jug of water, "you should drink this."

Thankfully, the servants didn't take very long at all, replacing the bed covers expertly, even with Karma still occupying the space. Karma just let it happen weakly, presumably still feeling awful. He looked at the drink like it was poisoned for a moment, before finally taking a sip. Once the bed was put back together, he remained like that, just sipping until he deemed he'd had enough, putting the cup down entirely.

"I saw death," he finally said, eyes practically glazed over.

"D-death?" Nagisa came closer.

Karma clenched his eyes shut. "I don't expect you or anyone else to believe me. But he- _it_ , was _there_. I saw a lot of things, but I know that death saved me somehow."

Nagisa swallowed. "What do you remember?"

"Heaven, hell, some sort of purgatory. I don't know where it was, only that it was pretty and blue and calm… There are more important matters, clearly."

He wasn't sure how to take that. "You can afford to rest for now, you have a severe wound!"

Karma's eyes were sharp though. "I defended you. Now you have to tell me what you know."

Carefully, Nagisa perched himself on the side of the bed. Realising he'd done so, Potechi leapt from Karma's side into his lap. With the cub decidedly favouring him, Nagisa felt a little more secure about what he was going to say. Though, he hesitated, recalling Irina's lessons of intrigue. There could be eyes and ears anywhere. It was probably best to give only the necessary information, without revealing everything.

"I came across one of Lord Yanagisawa's servants before they left," he said, "we only had a harmless conversation, but she slipped me a note. Here," he fished it from his pocket, handing it over. "I didn't mention it because I had no idea what it was supposed to mean, but I heard the invaders attacked from that direction."

Karma studied the writing. "They weren't carrying Yanagisawa's banners. Based on their weapons, they must have been sell swords form the northern grass lands. So he's trying something-" He cut himself off, spluttering again.

"You should lie back," Nagisa insisted, practically forcing him to. No matter how sharp his mind was, his body was weak. "The threat is gone right now. You can't win a war if you're not fit to fight in it."

To Nagisa's great surprise, Karma didn't actually struggle against him, though he didn't look happy about it either. Potechi went back over to him, licking at his cheek. Karma must have been finally feeling the exhaustion, because he didn't really even flinch, instead quickly falling back into a deep sleep. Nagisa was a lot more relaxed about that now, secure in the knowledge that he'd wake up again.

When the medic finally arrived, Nagisa did his best to explain what had happened, even if Karma was apparently going to sleep through that entire conversation. Since Karma had proven himself to be able to carry a significant enough conversation, the concerns for his mind were pretty much settled. The medic considered his work done, leaving Nagisa with a few various salves and instruction on how to apply them correctly.

Once again, he was left waiting, though distracted himself with caring for Potechi, still feeling the guilt from leaving him for such a long time. Nagisa could definitely sneak him some decent food later. In the meantime, though, he brushed through his coarse fur. When they'd first taken him back to the castle, he'd been thoroughly cleaned of all the grime of the wild. Surprisingly, Potechi really didn't seem to mind the extra attention.

When there was another knock at the door, Nagisa assumed it was the servants delivering them food. However, when he pulled it open, it was Korosensei standing at the door, and definitely not with a meal in hand. Through his fears over Karma's life, the danger this inevitable interaction could pose for him had briefly slipped his mind.

"K-korosensei," Nagisa lowered his head. This man could have him killed at any moment.

"Despite such odds," he said casually, approaching the bed slightly, "his life was saved. Lady Nagisa, how about a change of scenery? It's not good, to stare at a bedside the entire day."

Nagisa felt compelled to do exactly as he said, because what other choice did he have? He wasn't stupid, he knew this was an attempt at a private conversation. Still a little concerned about leaving Karma, he called for one of the servants to take his place, just in case he woke up again. Potechi meanwhile decided to scamper after Nagisa, a good opportunity to stretch his legs, running circles around them as they walked.

"Have you had a chance to hear the rumours?" Korosensei asked. "You've been at Lord Karma's side for quite a while, I know."

He kept his eyes trained ahead. "What kind of rumours?"

"Our own men and those we captured alike," he continued, "they're all saying the same thing. About how a figure dressed in black rode into battle and pulled Lord Karma from death himself. Some of them are claiming that would only be possible if Death himself showed up. They once called me the reaper, but I never got involved in battles. Strange, isn't it."

"S-sounds terrifying," Nagisa said.

Looking around, Korosensei led them into a darkened room, gesturing for Nagisa to sit whilst he lit a candle. It wasn't exactly an unused room, though it didn't look like he spent much time there. It was pretty basic, with a bed, a chest, and a desk taking up most of the space. With a small source of light flickering, his eyes were drawn to the small pile of gold by the side of the bed.

"I know the ways of an assassin when I see it," Korosensei said. "Of course, I was lucky enough to see _nothing_. But, it's an interesting theory."

"I-I'm not an assassin," Nagisa got out, suddenly feeling like he should state it. Technically, he hadn't killed anybody, so he probably hadn't earnt the title.

To his surprise, Korosensei beamed with a wide smile. "Very good. I don't think it would suit you. Being an assassin is a hard life, really. It's one with no name, no family, no stable home…"

"For some people," Nagisa swallowed, "maybe that's better."

A different kind of look came over his face. "You have an interesting past of your own, I'm sure, Lady Nagisa. If you decide to reveal it to me one day, I'll happily talk a little about my time as the reaper."

It was an incredibly interesting offer. A small part of Irina's lessons had included talking about the most infamous assassins, but a lot of it was speculation. Of course, one of the biggest parts of being an assassin was generally that you were secretive and _not_ caught. The chance to hear stories like that was not one most people would ever have. Then again, that would be at the cost of Nagisa revealing everything, he was sure, and he couldn't afford that.

From that conversation, though, it seemed Korosensei really was going to stick to his word and keep what he knew about Nagisa's actions a secret. That was pretty fortunate for him, considering how quickly some of Karma's men had been to accuse him of betrayal. Perhaps it was a good thing he hadn't killed Karma before, if he was going to be the chief suspect immediately.

On his return, Karma was awake again, and looked incredibly bored. The servant who Nagisa had asked to stay curtseyed once, leaving without saying a word. He was sat up a little more, the pillows arranged around him like a throne, with a tray of what mostly seemed to be vegetables and chicken across his lap, avoiding the location of his injury.

"You haven't touched your food," Nagisa commented.

Karma glared at him. "You were gone."

"O-only for a moment," he defended, "you've been sleeping for a while."

His glare became a scowl. "I'm not hungry."

Nagisa took his place at his side again, being careful not to jolt the bed too much. "You should try and have a few bites, at least, for your strength."

It took him a moment or two of internal debate, before he finally lifted the fork to his lips. Once he'd taken in a mouthful, he looked at Nagisa defiantly, like Nagisa was nothing more than a controlling mother. Injured or not, though, Karma's body seemed to realise it missed food, because right then he looked down again, and steadily started to eat properly. He fed the last bite of chicken to Potechi, patting him on the head.

"Somehow I feel exhausted again already," he half complained, flopping back. He winced as he did so, since he hadn't been so careful about the injury.

Nagisa smiled. "You almost died out there, it'll take some time."

"I don't think we have a lot of that," Karma said. "…But I guess I can't fight very well from this bed. Hey, Nagisa, we should have a rematch. You might even be able to beat me like this."

He chose to ignore the taunting. "Maybe when you can actually hold your sword… Should I apply your salve now? The medic said it was important."

"When I'm asleep," he stared up at the ceiling. "I want to sleep."

Nagisa took pity. "I promise I'll stay this time."

Karma shot him a look. "Tell me a story. Maybe it'll soothe me."

What was he, some kind of nursemaid? "Like what? You don't have many books lying around."

"Make one up, then," he closed his eyes in a meditative way.

"Fine," Nagisa squinted. Of course he was bound to be a difficult patient. Unfortunately, Nagisa really didn't know that many tales. "Uhm, once upon a time-"

" _Great_ start," Karma commented. Somehow, Nagisa knew that if he'd had his eyes open, he would have rolled them.

If he wanted it that way, then… "-there was a young lord. He was powerful and rich, but what most people didn't know what his tendency to act like he'd just left the cradle. Not only was he rash, and insolent, but he seemed to take great pleasure in demanding ridiculous things from those bound to serve him. Then, when he got injured in battle, the demands grew even worse, and his wife started to think about smothering him with the pillows."

"I don't like this story," Karma said.

Nagisa couldn't help but feel slightly amused. "I never claimed to be a bard."

He hesitated for a moment. "Lie with me instead?"

Gulping, Nagisa thought that probably wasn't a good idea. For one, he didn't want to hurt his injury, but also it felt like a weird time to introduce _intimacy_. Then again, Karma was so injured he couldn't possibly want to do anything that might expose Nagisa's gender, which now he needed to hide better than he had before. But… If it helped Karma recover. The sooner the recovery happened, the sooner Nagisa could really start to think about his own plans.

Carefully, then, he lay against Karma's side, resting his head in the crook of his neck. He wasn't exactly sure what to do with his hand, but it felt the most natural to place it high up on Karma's chest. He contorted his body in a way that allowed him to stay clear of the wound, but it wasn't uncomfortable. And, evidently, going along with it was enough to shut Karma up, one of his arms weakly curling around Nagisa's back. He knew he shouldn't let his guard down, but yet, the exhaustion came for him anyway.


	10. Every other beat the other one beats for

"Just so you know," Nagisa said, "I'm really not sure about this."

From his bed, Karma sighed, stroking Potechi gently. "I told you, you'll be fine~. There's not a lot to it, just sit there and look present, you won't need to make any decisions on your own."

It seemed there was no getting out of it then. For the most part, directly after the battle, Nagisa hadn't even thought to worry about that sort of thing, but now it had been well over a week and the reality was that Karma was the lord of quite a substantial territory, and it wouldn't govern itself. Not that Karma didn't have people to do that _already_ , but apparently there also needed to be a figure head, and apparently Nagisa was the best choice, _somehow_.

To his credit, Karma didn't seem particularly overjoyed about being bedridden for the next few weeks either. Maybe it was a good thing that Nagisa was being sent finally out of his chambers, because honestly caretaking for Karma was going to be the death of him. Nagisa wasn't sure how Karma managed to be so demanding, when he was surrounded by servants and all the wealth in the kingdom, but he still did it. Considering the only actual job Nagisa had assigned himself was occasionally treating the wound and keeping company, the amount of exhaustion he was experiencing was ridiculous.

"I'm taking Potechi," he said.

Karma's face fell flat. "But who else do I have to comfort me?"

"He's a wolf," Nagisa narrowed his eyes, "wolves don't belong cooped up in tiny rooms all the time."

He muttered something then, and it was probably good Nagisa didn't catch it. "I want you to send an invitation to House Norita."

That caught him off guard a little. "House Norita? What for?"

"Their loyalty to the crown is questionable," Karma's gaze sharpened, "and as it turns out we really need allies. Also… They grow really great figs."

"Can't you just… trade with them?"

Karma shifted. "I beat the Lord's son in a duel once. They cut them off afterwards."

He didn't even want to unpack _that_. In fact, staying much longer by Karma's bedside was bound to drive him insane. So, Nagisa smoothed out his dress, and headed for the door. Obediently, Potechi bounded off the bed, choosing to follow Nagisa. Much to Karma's annoyance, or so it seemed. There wasn't a lot he could do about it, though. He was bedridden still for the next few weeks.

Nagisa couldn't hide his nerves on his way to the great hall. Apparently, when parties and banquets weren't being thrown there, it doubled as a good place to hold court petitions. He was familiar enough with the practise, though back at home he was never directly involved in anything. Even if, as Karma claimed, all he'd have to do was sit there and listen to advisors.

He assumed it was just going to be Karasuma or Korosensei or _someone_ , but instead he found himself greeted by a somewhat tall blonde girl, presumably of some status based on the way she was dressed. At a closer look, she was young, probably around the same age as him, though there was a sharpness in her eyes that seemed to carry some wit.

"Nice to finally meet you, Nagisa," she said, though in a way that wasn't exactly humble politeness. It was almost like she found it funny.

"Are you-"

She grinned. "Your chief advisor for today, Karma's most trusted second in command. Yes, Rio Nakamura- sorry I missed the wedding."

Nagisa was immediately taken aback. It was uncommon, to have a girl in such a high position, especially one so young. Not that he had a problem with it, by the looks of things she was _very_ confident where she stood. He thought back to the maps… House Nakamura was one of Karma's bannermen from memory, so a friendship probably made sense.

"N-nice to meet you too, Lady Nakamura," he decided was the best to reply.

Sighing, she looked out at the closed doors. "Big crowd in there today, but don't worry, I have you covered. I'm a master diplomat, you know."

With only a wink as a warning, Nagisa was practically shoved through the doors. And, _great_ , everyone turned to look at him. He never was the best at commanding entire rooms, making them fall at his feet to listen. No, Nagisa was far more useful from the side lines, or better yet the shadows. Not… addressing an entire court.

It wasn't exactly a throne, where he was directed to sit, but it _was_ a comfortable chair. Potechi made himself at home by his feet, which was a little comfort, and Rio seemed to be following straight after him, far more confident about this than he was. The hall was completely silent for a moment, before the jumbled noise of conversation filled his ears.

It didn't take very long at all for the first man to approach. "My Lady," he bowed, "I'm here representing House Maehara. As you'll know, we're providing a significant amount of troops to you, in honour of our pledge to our liege. However, it must also be said that this is more than your other bannermen are providing. Lord Maehara only requests a slight reduction in his tax rate, in accordance with the higher numbers. Our armies haven't returned home for a long time, such a boost to morale would result in our men being even more motivated when they're needed to serve our lord on the battlefield."

Lady Nakamura sighed, leaning close to Nagisa with a low voice. "If it was that important to Lord Maehara, he'd have sent one of his brothers or his son, someone important."

Nagisa looked at her carefully. "I-it doesn't seem unreasonable, though."

"Wrong," she said immediately. "There's no real favour to gain out of this. Men are men, but the taxes they pay extent to more than just that. Who's to say the other lords won't be upset with the favouritism?"

He wasn't sure what to _say_. "So I just tell him no?"

She smirked. "Not so directly. Just use your natural charms."

That was a lot easier said than done. Nagisa was lacking in those, _severely_ lacking. It was part of the reason why his mother had even instructed Irina to tutor him, and not even she had helped too much. Not in ways like this. Some people just naturally took to court life, yet he never had. Perhaps he should work on that, because the prospect of slitting this man's throat seemed far easier than actually debating with him.

He cleared his throat. "W-whilst I'll take your points into consideration," _that sounded good_ , "this isn't a straightforward issue." That's what people did, right? They talked around the problem without actually answering. But, then, something struck him. "We owe a lot to Lord Maehara's men, especially their recent contributions in defending this castle. I-if they're lacking in moral, then we can surely reward them here," one thing Nagisa remembered about his mother was she was _always_ throwing feasts, "we should be celebrating our recent victory anyway."

The man stared up at him. "A banquet, then?"

"And a hunting trip first," he realised. "To relieve the tension of being so cooped up inside this castle. They'll have access to our rich forests, of course."

He bowed, then. "Thank you, My Lady. I'll write to Lord Maehara at once."

" _Not bad_ ," Lady Nakamura gave him a nudge. "And the hunting thing? We won't even have to pay for it."

"I-I wasn't thinking about _that_ ," he defended.

Nagisa honestly felt like he was learning a lot, as more people steadily approached him. It sounded stupid, but it seemed like there was far more that went into ruling than he'd _expected_ , and he was only grasping one aspect of it. But there he was, dictating the correct amount of grains certain people were bound to provide. Of course, he didn't make any real decisions on his own. Though, Lady Nakamura reminded him a lot of Karma.

By the time it came to a close, Nagisa was exhausted, although glad. He wanted to take solace in the library or somewhere else alone, the moment he'd be able to slip out. There was only so much attention he could take in a day. He was so glad to stand up, stretching his legs out as he walked, exiting the great hall.

"Where do you think _you're_ going?" Lady Nakamura called after him, amusement in her tone.

"I-"

She rolled her eyes. "We have war council now, come on."

"Are you sure I'm meant to _be_ in war council?"

"Of course," she shrugged, "you're effectively acting as regent, aren't you?"

Nagisa might know a fair amount about killing a person at a time, but not _real battles_. He was going to be even more lost in this meeting. Couldn't they just have this meeting in Karma's chambers or something? He wasn't fit to be giving war advice. Nagisa had never even _been_ in that room, and he was well aware he'd ventured into rooms he wasn't supposed to.

He wasn't thrilled to be surrounded by the same men who had accused him of betrayal not so long ago, but there were a couple of familiar faces. Lady Nakamura was still joining them, or so it seemed, and Karasuma was leant over the table, which seemed to double as a map of the kingdom. Other than that, he definitely felt the hostility.

"We need your evidence," one of the men said immediately, eyes narrowing in challenge. "Even if the lord believes you, we can still overrule him."

"Hold your tongue, Commander Takaoka," Karasuma glared at him. "You don't have the unanimous support for that. My Lady," he shifted his focus, "we do need to hear this full account."

Nagisa gulped, fishing the piece of paper out of his pocket. He couldn't tell the full truth. "L-lord Yanagisawa brought a few servants with him, for the wedding. I was having just a regular conversation with her, but she left this note with her. I-I didn't know what to make of it, so I didn't share it until I heard that an army attacked from that direction."

"Do you often spend your time conversing with the servants of other lords?" Commander Takaoka didn't look at all convinced. "Any note with such ominous warnings must have seemed suspicious."

Lady Nakamura cleared her throat. "And what would the reaction have been, if only a week into marriage she presented such a note. You wouldn't have questioned how she got it, or her loyalty then? Nobody sane would risk that, but now there's danger… It's only right to come forward."

Karasuma took the note. "A servant may very well have overheard such plans. We'll discuss this."

"I'm not convinced," Commander Takaoka continued. "There should be a real trial."

Potechi leapt out in front of Nagisa, showing off his set of teeth.

"Take your animal outside."

Of course, Potechi only growled at that, as though he actually was going to launch out and attack him.

"There won't be a trial," Karasuma said calmly. "Thank you, Lady Nagisa, for the information. You won't be needed again today."

A part of him wanted to argue, wanted to stay if he was being put in the position of representing Karma's will. But he knew this really wasn't a conversation for him. In fact, Karasuma was being pretty merciful in giving him such an easy out. So, Nagisa lowered his head, and called Potechi with him, actually deciding to follow the advice that he needed a bit of a run around.

Still within the castle walls, of course, but it was still a breath of fresh air. It felt nice, but it didn't clear Nagisa's thoughts in the way he'd hoped. He wondered how long it would take them to retaliate against House Yanagisawa. The letter was incriminating, but it wasn't solid proof, especially since Nagisa had lied about who gave it to him.

But that wasn't a conversation for his involvement. Instead, he thought about what Karma had told him to do. It wasn't as though extending an invitation was particularly hard, but somehow he felt apprehensive about it. Why did it need to come from _him_ , anyway? A part of him knew that he was probably serious about the fruit, too.

He was sure it wasn't what Irina had had in _mind_ , when he gathered the best of his skills right outside the kitchens. And, as much as he adored Potechi, taking a wolf cub with him for something that required stealth wasn't the best of plans. Still, he made him self scarce, scanning the room to try and find the supplies.

It didn't take him too long to locate what seemed to be the door to the pantry, and he went for it pretty quickly, slipping between the tables to open the door. From there, he knew he had to be quick, so he looked over to the fruits. He couldn't immediately see anything like Karma had lamented for, however, so he settled on picking up a pomegranate. He knew he could have just asked for one, but somehow he felt Karma would appreciate this more.

On his way out, he managed to get his dress caught on the door, and he made the mistake of tugging it. The tell tale rip of the material made him cringe. _Great_. Now he'd have to spend a good amount of time actually fixing it. Well, at least it was something to entertain him with, during his 'duties' at Karma's bedside. Speaking of which, he'd been gone for a while, and it was probably time he returned.

"Ah, Lady Nagisa," Korosensei stood from where he'd been sat close to the bed, briefly tipping his head in greeting. "How was court?"

He smiled. "Not as bad as expected…" His eyes fell to Karma. "You've been having lessons?"

"Lord Karma might be injured," he said, "but that doesn't his mind doesn't need to be kept sharp."

Karma was being pretty quiet, which told Nagisa he didn't mind this. Well, what else was Karma supposed to do with his time? It made sense, really, rather than just lying there and staring at the walls. As much as Karma didn't seem like he cared that much for learning. He seemed at least a little relieved, though, when Potechi leapt up onto the bed, lying comfortable at Karma's side.

"I'll be quiet," Nagisa said. "You don't need to stop."

"We're just having a debate about bloodlines," Karma said. "But hey, Korosensei~, if you want to forfeit…"

Nagisa looked between them. "They're not that important, are they? A-at least not when it comes down to it. Otherwise, House Asano wouldn't be allowed the throne…"

Karma stared. "Do you not know why our betrothal took so long to negotiate?"

"M-my mother never discussed it with me," he felt himself go red, "she just old me I was getting married and sent me here with a basic explanation about the customs."

Korosensei beamed between them. "Bloodlines are _very_ important, Lady Nagisa. You yourself are a direct descendant of King Masaru. If that wasn't the case, you wouldn't be here at _all_."

"Really?" He looked at Karma.

He snorted. "What, you thought I married you because I fell in love with a portrait?"

Nagisa knew that pretty much all marriages were political ones, and this was bound to be no different. But he didn't know exactly what Karma had wanted with this marriage, exactly. By the sounds of things, it had been for a plain alliance, though Nagisa supposed there were better choices. House Shiota couldn't provide the most in terms of war contributions.

When too much silence had passed, Karma shrugged. "People would support a legitimate claim through your line. The Asano's might have usurped the throne with brute force, but they can't change what flows in blood."

"Then why didn't…" he was _confused_ , "why not just marry me to _his_ son?"

They looked between each other. "That's what nobody knows," Korosensei explained.

"I have a few ideas," Karma said nonchalantly. "Admittance of wrongdoing, maybe. Whatever the case, I practically declared war at our wedding."

Bowing his head once again, Korosensei moved towards the door. "We'll continue the lesson tomorrow."

Nagisa wasn't exactly sure what to make of this. He knew the basic history, the facts an educated noble lady was supposed to. But neither his mother or tutors had gone so far into detail about his royal ties. It seemed so far back to him, a title belonging to a relative he'd never even met. But, then something else struck him.

"Y-you didn't even _want_ to marry me, though. You wanted me to run away."

Karma's eyes sharpened. "I don't _need_ your title, it's just… a useful way of swaying doubt. You're lucky you're a girl," Karma said, turning to look somewhere distant.

He'd never heard such a ridiculous statement. Even though Karma didn't know the truth about his past, how supposedly being a 'girl' had been his own personal torture, genuine women were hardly lucky. The again, most people didn't have to experience both worlds first hand. And Nagisa still had to play a part.

"I wouldn't say I'm so lucky," he said, approaching the desk to grab a needle and thread. "I have to deal with things like this."

Karma examined the rip. "How did that happen?"

"Here," he pulled out the pomegranate. "It's not a fig, but I thought you'd like it."

A smile came over his face, something Nagisa honestly hadn't seen a lot of. He accepted the fruit, though, reaching over for his knife. Even Potechi watched in interest, as he started to cut the top away, and then worked on the sides, until he could just pull it apart in his hands, exposing the seeds inside. He picked just a few out, holding it to Nagisa in offering.

"It's good," Nagisa said, mostly to himself, as slightly sweet juice burst into his mouth.

Karma looked down at his skirt again. "Sewing seems kind of tedious."

"It is," he said, "but it's useful in some cases. I-I don't exactly have many clothes here, so it's good that I can mend them quickly."

He paused for a moment. "You should have just said, I'll send for the best tailors in the city."

One thing Nagisa definitely didn't want was more gowns. "N-no really, it's okay. It's something to do, anyway. L-lots of ladies do it for fun."

"Teach me," he said.

"Teach you how to _sew_?" Nagisa wasn't even _good_ at it. "What kind of sewing?"

Karma shrugged. "How about a pattern or something?"

It wasn't like he could actually say _no_. So, he rummaged for a bit of spare linen, and handed it to him. If he was going to explain anything to him, he figured cross-stitching was the easiest place to start. It was taught to most _children_ , and the technique wasn't the most challenging. Nagisa could do it, but he wasn't exactly creatively minded with that kind of thing.

Though, Karma struggled to even thread the needle correctly, apparently not so talented with tiny blades.

"You need to be a little more patient," Nagisa instructed, demonstrating again. "The more frustrated you get, the harder it will be to actually thread it."

It took him a couple more attempts to manage it, but eventually he was on his way, only needing a couple of instructions from Nagisa. He climbed onto the bed beside him, where he could get the best view of what he was doing. Whilst he stitched, Nagisa was actually able to work on the mending he'd been meaning to do in the first place, getting it to the point it was at least presentable.

"Look," Karma said, "I made an 'A'."

Nagisa leant over him slightly to see for himself. It was a little heavy handed and rough, but he'd done it. "It looks good!"

His eyes creased, and he went straight back to stitching, lips pursed in concentration. It was entertaining to watch, in all honesty. And Nagisa wasn't exactly highly interested in stitching. However, watching Karma so genuinely invested in his creation? He couldn't take his eyes away. With a tiny bit of experience and a lot more confidence, he worked a little quicker, proudly presenting it when it was done.

"Is that a five?" Nagisa looked down at it.

Karma pouted. "It's an 'S'."

"Ah, sorry," it was still a _little_ rough. "They're similar shapes."

Before he could move away again, Karma's face cupped his cheek, gently twisting his head closer to his. He brushed the stitching aside, leaning over in his own way to plant a kiss on Nagisa's lips. It was too unexpected for Nagisa to move away, like he probably would have done instinctively. But it was also over before he could fully process what was happening.

When Karma moved away, he had an expression across his face that Nagisa couldn't read. Not that he really had time to, because then Karma moved in again, kissing him deeper and with more purpose. Nagisa didn't know how to react, only responding because every other rational thought was cut away. It wasn't as though he knew any better, but he felt like it was a good kiss, stealing his breath right away from him and causing his head to spin, his heart beating so harshly against his chest that it might have leapt right out and into Karma's hands.


	11. Falling into your ocean eyes

"They said Lord Norita will be here before noon," Karma's voice came from far too close.

Nagisa turned his head, and sure enough he was right behind him. "You're meant to be resting."

He groaned, shifting where he stood. "I needed to stretch my legs."

Somehow, he felt he should have realised that confining Karma to bedrest would turn out to be an impossible task. At first he'd been in too much pain to consider getting up, but the wound was healing well, and he seemed better able to move around. Nagisa had encouraged it at first, but he'd only meant for him to wander when it was strictly necessary.

"Karma-"

"I need to be in decent enough shape to greet our guests, don't I?" He moved, then, brushing Nagisa's hair out of his way as he pulled something from his pocket. "Call it a gift."

As Karma secured the necklace, gold and detailed with some sort of crimson gem, around his throat, he tried his best not to tense up. That was hard, because once it was tied, he pressed a brief kiss to the back of his neck. Nagisa shifted, still sensitive to that kind of sensation, like his lips concealed secret knives and one of these days, Nagisa was going to die from it.

"A-are you ready to go?"

Karma straightened out his clothes. "For today, yes."

Nagisa couldn't help but worry, though, at the slightly limp way he was walking. He knew how important it was that they put on a strong front for Lord Norita. Real things were at stake, here, such as figs, and the kingdom. So Karma had insisted on coming, rather than just leaving Nagisa to do the greeting. Which, yes, was probably a good idea. Nagisa wasn't a talented politician by any stretch of the imagination.

"They're already lining up," Karma commented, as they wandered down the halls, Potechi predictably at their heels.

Part of him was still a tiny bit bitter that he got no such formal line up, but Karma had been trying not to marry him back then. He was surprised at just the amount of fanfare though. He knew they'd been preparing for this visit since the invitation was even accepted, but what he saw was more akin to the King's arrival than a lord, no matter how powerful.

He tried not to worry about the slight way Karma clung to his arm, still a little unsteady on his feet. Hopefully he was just trying to reserve his strength, so he didn't seem weak when the Lord lay eyes on him. According to Karma, he hadn't even seen Lord Norita since he was a child. Back when his parents were alive and well, though he left that part out.

"Are you alright?" Nagisa asked, noticing the shake in Karma's legs as they joined the line.

"I'm _fine_ ," he emphasised, though he did learn a little more on Nagisa. Considering how close he'd been to death not so long ago, Nagisa really didn't mind.

As it turned out, Lord Norita brought his _own_ entourage. It was far more than Nagisa had been expecting, definitely more than was necessary for a visit that was nothing but a friendly invitation – on paper, anyway. Of course, everyone knew the real reason Lord Norita was there. Karma wasn't stupid enough to incriminate himself by writing it anywhere, though.

Carriage after carriage pulled in, accompanied by an alarming amount of guards, carrying the green leaf banner that represented their house. Where House Akabane's wealth largely stemmed from spices, House Norita was arguably their superior, growing their own herbs which apparently weren't generally for eating. Nagisa wasn't so sure, he'd tried to research as much as possible but there wasn't an excess of information in the books he'd read, and Karma scoffed at his questions.

After what could only be described as a parade, a figure finally stepped out of the central carriage. Except, despite covering himself in a grandiose robe, Nagisa was taken aback to see it was actually a young man walking towards them. At a wild guess, he was probably a similar age to he and Karma, which meant that he definitely wasn't the lord they'd been expecting.

"Oh no," Karma muttered.

Their guest marched in from of them, an overly confident demeanour about him. Maybe part of that was just how wide the robe made him look, though. He wore deep blue and purple, and his hat was finished with a few peacock feathers. With the way the rest of his outfit stood out, Nagisa wondered if the gold stitch detail was real gold thread.

"Lord Karma, it's been a while."

"Lord Yuuji." Karma lowered his head only the slightest amount. "I was expecting your father."

He stood firm. "Well, this is only an informal invitation, isn't it? There's no need for him to leave his busi _\- forgive my rudeness._ " Lord Yuuji stared Nagisa right in the eye. "I almost forgot Lord Karma had a new bride."

"It's your fault for not attending the wedding," Karma cut in.

"It's a pleasure to receive you, my Lord," Nagisa tried desperately to change the subject. If he had to play this part, he was going to do it well.

The lord's eyes widened, and he bowed his head in politeness. "As long as you're the one accompanying me, it's my pleasure also."

"Yes," Karma clapped his hands together, "you'll show Lord Yuuji to the guest chambers, won't you?"

"Of course," Nagisa gritted his teeth, not missing the dangerous look in Karma's eye.

Yuuji didn't hesitate to take his arm, just a little harder than he actually needed to, almost like he was the one doing the showing around. Nagisa forced his smile to remain on his face, though, as he tried to pull him towards the direction of the main keep. Of course, Yuuji was to be given the best of their guest rooms, only as a merit of Karma desperately needing something.

"Lady Nagisa," he said, the moment they were alone, "I can't believe this is our first time speaking."

Nagisa looked down. "I hadn't had the chance to speak to much of anyone, before my wedding."

"I didn't realise it was so strict, up in Shiota territory."

It wasn't really, but his mother was her own kind of crazy. Not that Nagisa could actually discuss that with anyone. Instead, he kept his lips sealed tight, and kept walking. Of course, the best guest chamber was already made up by the servants, and everything was immaculate. Nagisa might have even been a little bit jealous, even, since it was probably bigger than his own room.

"Of course," Nagisa said as he showed Yuuji to the door, "your luggage will be brought up here by this evening for your welcoming banquet."

"A whole banquet just for me?" Yuuji stretched out. "I'm excited to sample the food from here. On our island, we don't really get much game." It was a lot of fish, if Nagisa remembered correctly. "I don't feel much like sitting around until then, though, show me about the castle."

Honestly, Nagisa didn't even know where to take him. But he'd learnt a lot about this castle recently, through all his reading, and he started to spout some of the information. Really, Nagisa was rambling, but he didn't know what else to say. Maybe Yuuji was just trying to be kind, but he dutifully listened, as Nagisa explained some of the architectural features.

"Wait, secret tunnels?" Yuuji caught Nagisa's brief mention. "Can you show me?"

"I-" Nagisa paused, "I don't know where they are exactly."

He couldn't tell him the truth, that he'd actually used them. Besides, it was kind of dangerous to tell someone who could easily become an enemy something that could lead to so much trouble. No matter what Nagisa's original purpose was, he'd chosen the side he was on. Still… if he had to entertain Yuuji until the evening…

"How about we play with my wolf?"

Yuuji blinked. "Your _what_?"

"Didn't you see him down there?"

Perhaps out of sheer confused interest, Yuuji did follow him back out into the courtyard, where the servants were hurriedly trying to take care of his luggage. Thankfully, Potechi hadn't gone so far, and was simply taking a nap in the shade. As he started to grow a little bigger, Nagisa worried that he might gain some of his feral instincts, but so far Potechi acted far more docile than even the hunting dogs.

That was until he caught sight of Yuuji, at least. Upon spotting Nagisa, he bounded over, but then immediately stood between the two. Potechi didn't quite show his teeth and growl, but somehow Nagisa could tell the message. Whatever the case, he was viewing Yuuji as some kind of threat. Could he sense something that Nagisa couldn't? Still, Yuuji reached out, as if he was going to pet him.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," Nagisa said, "he _is_ still a wolf, and I don't doubt that he could bite your sword hand off."

"R-right," Yuuji yanked his arm back, nervously avoiding Potechi's eyeline. "How did you even come about keeping a wolf?"

Nagisa hummed, before picking up a stray branch and tossing it as far as he could, causing Potechi to bound after it. "His mother attacked me a little while ago, and I couldn't just leave him to his death in the woods."

"Of course," Yuuji nodded seriously. "It's only natural for a woman to attach herself to something like that."

The comment left an odd taste in his mouth. Something told him Yuuji really didn't know as much about women as he probably thought. Then again, Nagisa didn't actually know that much either. Even after studying behaviour and impersonating one for so long, the actual thoughts and feelings were still a complete mystery to him. Though, he was certain Yuuji would be better off without the feathers.

They strolled around the outskirts of the main keep, Potechi vaguely at their heels, which apparently had been enough time for Yuuji to gain the confidence to talk freely about his life. Until the sunset. Nagisa supposed he shouldn't be complaining about someone new to talk to, after pretty much being cooped up in Karma's rooms for so long as he suffered from his injury. The difference was, though, these days his time with Karma seemed to go pretty quickly. When Yuuji talked, Nagisa find himself drifting out of existing, as the words dragged like huge boulders.

Nagisa soon found that Yuuji loved his home, and was incredibly proud of the Norita family name. It was all he seemed to be able to talk about, bringing up certain escapades that he liked to think were fabricated (though honestly Nagisa had heard more extreme things from Irina). He acted as impressed as he could, sure that Yuuji's intention was so. Nagisa did do his best to listen to the brief mentions of arms, though, considering that was why they had even invited him there.

"Ten thousand men, you say?" Nagisa asked. "I-I don't know much about war, of course, but that seems like a lot."

"Of course," he smiled warmly, "war wouldn't suit you, Lady Nagisa. Someone as dainty as you would be crushed!"

"Heh…" Nagisa tried his best to remain silent. "I'm sure it takes a lot of training."

Yuuji nodded. "The majority of our arms are very highly trained! House Norita hasn't been involved in any battles for so many years, and we can afford the resources."

He wanted to push for more information, but he wasn't sure how suspicious that would seem. As Karma had reminded him, they needed to severely butter House Norita up before that sort of conversation came about. So, he didn't complain, when the conversation was brought back to partying and decadence.

"Speaking of that," Yuuji said, "it seems like we're running out of time. I can't be seen at a banquet in something so simple. I look forward to seeing you there, though."

Nagisa couldn't help but feel faint at the idea that Yuuji's current outfit counted as 'simplicity', but he was thankful that he could finally make his escape. Though, it wasn't like Nagisa particularly wanted to go to _any_ kind of banquet either. He was sure it would be a little more enjoyable than his wedding, but it wasn't exactly a party, more thinly disguised business.

Karma was already dressed, by the time he returned to the chambers. Admittedly, Nagisa hadn't really seem him out of his bedclothes in a while, aside from the occasional presentable but forgiving outfit. There was no doubt that he looked good, _handsome_ even (objectively speaking, of course), in something a little more formal.

"You seem like you had a good time," he said casually, moving over to stroke Potechi's ears. "I didn't expect you to be gone for so long."

"Lord Yuuji loves to talk," Nagisa replied, his face deadpan.

Karma shrugged. "I hope you're ready to spend the evening doing that too. We'll talk properly tomorrow. For now… all you have to do is look good. Speaking of which…"

Nagisa's eyes followed his hand, to where he had a fancy looking box on the bed. Like a child at a winter festival, he quickly tossed the lid of it away, exposing a gown Nagisa definitely hadn't seen before. He supposed, when looking at the craft and material, it was beautiful and likely very expensive. And, when Karma took it out, definitely a slight bit more modest than what he'd been made to wear to his first banquet here, though with the red colours it was clear Karma had a favourite.

"I'm kind of sick of you wearing the same gowns all the time," Karma explained.

Had Nagisa been the person he was supposed to be, he would have been taken aback and thrilled by the gift. What kind of lady didn't go wild over a beautiful new dress? Nagisa, though, looked at it apprehensively. At least the plainer dresses were loose enough that he could try and forget how feminine he looked in them from time to time, but this thing was structured, like it was made to bring out something that didn't even exist.

"It's amazing," Nagisa said because he had to say something. "Thank you."

"You should get ready, then," he shrugged, "we don't have _that_ long."

Nagisa turned his back, lifting the dress he was wearing off his body and placing it down somewhat neatly. He always wore an under dress, and Karma never seemed to look to closely, but at a time like this when he was completely awake Nagisa still didn't want to risk exposing his completely flat chest. Unfortunately, it seemed his new dress and the accompanying underlayers were too complicated for him to just throw over his head.

"We'll have to call a servant in for this," Nagisa said, holding up the corset, complete with back closures, to his front.

Karma rolled his eyes. "I know how to lace a corset."

Nagisa didn't want to ask where he'd practised, a pit sinking into his stomach. He didn't know what it was, exactly, but he chose to ignore it, turning back around obediently. Thankfully, Karma didn't pay too much attention to his front, and Nagisa could feel the heat and weight of his hand. He bit down on his lip, as he worked about threading it properly, and it turned out he wasn't kidding about knowing what he was doing. It wasn't with quite the same efficiency as a servant, but he didn't purposely linger either, pulling it tight enough that Nagisa's breaths were just the slightest bit pained.

"Arms up," he instructed.

He did exactly that, allowing the first underskirt over his head, which was soon followed by the actual gown. Nagisa would have been more than capable of closing it himself at that point, but Karma's hands still remained, wrapping Nagisa up like a present. Nagisa wasn't entirely sure why he was insistent on doing a servant's job, but he was speeding the process up so he couldn't say he entirely minded it.

"Looks good," he said, taking a step back as though he was admiring his handywork. "You'll have to charm our guest this evening, of course."

"I'm not sure how I feel about being used as a bargaining chip," Nagisa looked at his reflection.

"You're not a bargaining chip," Karma said nonchalantly, "I'd have to actually give you away for that."

He thought about arguing with him, but it definitely wasn't worth it. All in all, it wasn't as though Nagisa actually had a choice anyway, and things would be so much easier for everyone if he just went along with it. At the very least, he could probably put up with Yuuji's ramblings about his home life for another few hours, with the hopes that the next day's war discussions being a big enough distraction.

"Should we go, then?"

Karma looked him over and then nodded. "Let's get through it."

As they walked to the hall, Nagisa could still feel Karma straining against him, definitely trying to act as though there was no pain in his walking. He chose not to mention it, though, lest he spend the evening suffering from two angles. At least it seemep+d Karma was just saving his energy, though, because he perked up a little when they actually reached the hall.

It was nerve wracking, considering they had to arrive last. Even though Yuuji was technically the guest, apparently here the total respect thing just wasn't done in the same way. Nagisa found himself clinging onto Karma's arm for wordless support, though really it was probably him who dragged him across the room as quickly as possible, right up to their seats.

Mercifully, Yuuji had been seated on a different table, so really the only person Nagisa had to talk to was Karma. Which was honestly completely fine by him, though he couldn't help but notice the way that Yuuji kept glancing up at him. He tried his best to ignore it, and focus on the lavish food in front of him. Thankfully, this time, his portion was more of a normal size and not full of weird tasting herbs.

"I think this will be easier than you realise," Karma said, looking over at Yuuji too.

"A-are you _really_ happy about this?"

Karma met his eyes with an odd intensity. "Would you rather I wasn't?"

He didn't even know anymore. Their relationship had grown far more complicated than Nagisa could have imagined, when he came here. Yet, he supposed it wasn't really, with them being married and all. Perhaps Nagisa had been acting as a wife for so long, he was starting to feel like one. Which certainly wasn't a good thing, since wasn't actually a woman, nor did he have any desire to become one.

Desire for Karma however… That was another matter entirely. His kisses, though there had been few since the first, left a strange taste on his tongue. Nagisa knew he enjoyed them on some level, though it was much akin to the sweets a child might steal. There was no enjoyment without some level of guilt, in the way he knew he was doing something he _shouldn't_ be. Did his feelings mean that he was becoming the girl his mother always wanted? Or… maybe something else. Nagisa had never exactly been in the position to feel such things before.

"Looks like everyone's finished," Karma said, "you should go, enjoy the dancing."

"Whilst you sit here and drink yourself into a stupor?"

His face fell flat. "The doctor told me to avoid wine until I'm completely healed anyway."

"Oh," Nagisa looked down, "so you'll just sit here and watch?"

Karma hummed. "The man's clearly infatuated with you. It's amusing to watch him fall over himself, knowing you'll be coming back with me to our chambers after the whole thing."

He chose not to read too far into that comment, and nodded, standing up. A was customary, so did the rest of their guests, and immediately, music started to play. Nagisa didn't feel particularly important with it, though, hoping to get away with standing by the wall for just a little while. And for the first two pieces, he managed it, skirting around the dance floor to briefly greet all the people he was obligated.

"Lady Nagisa!" Yuuji eventually caught up with him, clearly short of breath from the dancing he'd already been participating in. Though maybe it was the doubly ridiculous outfit he was wearing, weighing him down. "Haven't you been enjoying the party?"

"Ah," Nagisa politely lowered his head for a moment, "of course… Though, I suppose it's my own party…"

"This isn't quite as wild as home," he nodded, "but that's not what this castle's built for, huh? No matter, please, dance with me! I even asked the music to become more intense, to match my dancing skill of course."

Nagisa couldn't actually reject him. But he tried his best to look happy about it, accepting Yuuji's hand. Before he could properly pull him into hold, however, he did manage to sneak a glance at Karma, who was certainly watching them intensely.

"How's your dancing?" Yuuji asked, as they approached the centre of the floor.

He pressed his lips together. "I know all the most common ones."

"Let's hope you can keep up."

As the music started, it was indeed fast, but it actually seemed to be Yuuji who had the problem keeping up. At first he was okay, but he quickly lost the correct rhythm, and then his feet started flying out at weird angles. Nagisa tried his best to follow him, but he suspected Yuuji wasn't actually so used to dancing with a partner. Still, he kept a straight face, and smiled through his teeth when Yuuji trod hard on his feet.

"That was fun," he said seriously, when the music was finally over.

Nagisa blinked, wondering if he was delusional. "Y-yeah."

"How about another?"

He gulped. "You wore me out with your dancing, L-lord Yuuji. I might have to sit this one out."

"Then I'll come with you!" He trailed after him. "Let's just have a drink and watch."

"I-" Nagisa should have known he'd be this insistent, "I really shouldn't be drinking-"

Yuuji looked around. "Of course, you're being watched in a place like this, hm? But.. there'll surely be an afterparty, no? Nobody should talk about your actions there."

Nagisa was not supposed to go to any afterparties, a fact he'd been taught from childhood. It was pretty common, at events like these. Banquets were formal, with certain unwritten rules on how to behave. A lot of people, when gathered like this, wanted to have what they considered some real fun. Fun Nagisa was supposedly too highborn to partake in, not that he wanted to. In fact, he was pretty sure it was at one of those gatherings that Irina got those mushrooms that had driven Karma to near madness…

"I would love to accompany you," he said politely, "but I think my husband would notice my absence."

"That's very true…" he thought. "You seem so tied up here, Lady Nagisa, like a bird in a cage!"

Hilariously, being here was the most free he'd ever felt in his life. "Maybe I'm not one for parties."

"No? Then, what do you like?"

Nagisa smiled. "I really like the library here." He supposed there was no harm in the truth. "My mother wanted me to have a certain kind of education, so there's a lot I don't know about the world and its history. I… want to learn as much as I can, even if I can't see it for myself."

For once, Yuuji looked a little serious. "You must visit Kyuujou at some point. I realise I talk about my family's island a lot, but, it really is beautiful. You'd look amazing there, between our fine sands and lush gardens."

"I hope so," Nagisa nodded, though this time he wasn't just faking it. "I'd like to see it."

"Maybe we can return the favour of an invitation," Yuuji said, grabbing a glass of wine from a servant and drinking it down in one gulp. "Are you ready to dance again now?"

Nagisa let him have his way, feeling at least a little bit less as though he'd been forced into this. He didn't know what it was, but he suddenly felt like there was more to Yuuji than just this front he put on, like he was constantly trying to impress someone. Then again, he supposed the Norita name was quite a lot to live up to. He wasn't sure what that was like, since nowadays his old Shiota name didn't carry so much renown.

He managed to keep up with the 'dancing' for the rest of the evening, though, as much as his feet suffered as a result. Though, maybe with a lot of practise, Yuuji might have some hope when it came to dancing. Nagisa couldn't say he wasn't glad, though, when the evening finally wound down and people made it clear they were ready to leave the festivities.

"Are you sure your husband's not jealous?" Yuuji said, as he finally lead Nagisa away from the floor. "I've stolen your attention all evening."

"He's not much of a dancer," Nagisa excused. It would be funny to see him try, though, in his current state.

Yuuji's eyes lit up. "Tomorrow, I will meet with him to discuss business. Please, meet with me before that. You can say you're taking out your, uh, _dog_ or something. I must see you first."

It wasn't part of the plan, exactly, but Nagisa knew where there was an opportunity. "I… Yes, I'll meet you. Early in the morning, though."

He beamed, and then pressed a kiss to Nagisa's hand. "Till tomorrow."

When he sauntered off to find the rest of his entourage, Nagisa stared at the back of his hand for a long moment, like he couldn't quite believe lips had just been there. Now he had some time to think, he'd kind of forgotten to be any kind of charming. He certainly hadn't ignored Yuuji when he sought him out, but he'd made no effort to play into it either. Had Nagisa messed this up? Though… Yuuji did want to see him.

"How are your feet?" Karma said from behind him, almost jolting him out of his wits.

"Sore," Nagisa said through his teeth, "I'd like to lie down."

"Really?" Karma didn't exactly look like he did when he regularly teased Nagisa, though. "From where I was sitting, it seemed like you were having a _lot_ of fun."

He looked down. "I only did what you asked me to."

"Hmm."

Was Karma really _angry_ with him? This entire affair had been his own idea, Nagisa had just been forced along for the ride. Karma couldn't just change his mind whenever it suited him! Well, maybe he could, but that didn't mean that he should. Then, Nagisa couldn't hide his own irritation, as they returned back to their chambers, in complete uncomfortable silence. Even Potechi seemed startled, with the roughness at which Karma opened the door, leaping off the bed.

Nagisa sighed, petting him soothingly, before he worked on shifting his gown over his head. He usually at least folded his discarded clothes, but right then he wasn't in the mood, tossing it into the corner in the same way Karma usually did. Only, he couldn't just slip into bed after that, because he was still wearing the corset, and his arms were too short to really make an attempt at removing such a garment himself, though he tried anyway.

"Nagisa," Karma said, with hints of clear distain.

He gave up. "Would you mind helping?"

"My _pleasure_ ," he said, tone like knives. He wasn't exactly rough, though, as his fingers started to unlace.

"You're not cutting this one?" Nagisa questioned.

There was a moment of silence. "It was expensive."

He made quick work of it, though, and there was definitely no lingering in his touches. Not that Nagisa minded, he was mostly happy that his lungs were no longer restricted. Once it was gone, he was left in his usual underdress, and Karma in his normal night things. They'd been through this routine so often it had lost any potential intimacy, at least.

Thankfully, Potechi had hopped back to his place on the bed, and he'd grown just big enough to be a real divider between the two of them. Regardless of that, though, Nagisa still found himself facing away from Karma, staring at the wall instead. He'd talk to him again… when he didn't act like a child who had to share his wooden sword. Though, a small voice in Nagisa's head argued that he wasn't being much better either.

At least he didn't have much trouble falling asleep, because the next thing he knew morning had come, and that left a whole other problem. As he promised, he did have to meet Yuuji. He hadn't exactly told Karma about that, but with the way he was acting, he knew it would only make it worse. After so much time, Nagisa had become well acquainted with Karma's sleeping habits, and he was sure he could actually return before he even woke up.

Nagisa was quiet, as he rolled out of bed, using the rare moment of privacy to change his under dress, and pull a simple gown over the top, simply tying it at the waist to give just the hint of femininity. Knowing it would probably get back to Karma no matter how discreet he tried to be, though, he shook Potechi awake too.

"Morning boy," he said quietly, "let's go for a walk, huh?"

With absolutely no protest, they were soon making their ways through the keep, though Nagisa took a slightly odd path, cutting through the actual castle walls where he was more than aware less people would be up and about. It was tricks like that he'd learnt as he grew up, and a part of him found it a little bit fun to employ right then.

The people he _did_ see, when he finally stepped outside, didn't react too much to seeing him around so early, only lowering their heads in a moment of respect. Honestly, Nagisa wasn't acting so abnormally, just taking his wolf for a little run around. Potechi certainly appreciated it, running around as fast as his still immature legs could carry him.

"Lady Nagisa!" Yuuji broke the silence of the morning when he caught sight of him. "You came so early."

Nagisa smiled. "It was my best chance to slip away."

"Please," he offered his arm, "let's go somewhere a little more quiet."

"This castle has practicability in mind," Nagisa said, "there's no gardens or huge grounds or anything like that. There's… the tilt yard, I suppose…"

There was no reason for anyone to be hanging around there, and as Nagisa predicted, it was suitably devoid of prying eyes. Unless Potechi counted, though he was much distracted by the freedom of outdoors. This silence felt different to the frustrated one between he and Karma the night before, somehow a little more uncomfortable. There was something on the end of Yuuji's tongue.

"I wish I didn't have to leave you here on my return," Yuuji sighed. "My land seems so empty without you in it."

"W-what do you mean by that?"

"Lady Nagisa," he pleaded, "when I first looked at you it was as though an orchestra from the heavens itself started to play, and ever since I haven't been able to get the symphony out of my head."

"Please, Lord Yuuji," Nagisa dropped his arm. "I have a husband."

His eyes widened. "But your belly's flat and empty, isn't it?" Why did he look so _excited_? "If it hasn't been consummated, then we can have it annulled!"

"W-we?"

"Of course," Yuuji was deep into planning then, "there'll be shame on you for such a thing. But! I'll marry you right away. My family are just as powerful and rich as the Akabanes. Name your price, I can have it for you."

He swallowed. "I'm not something to be _bought_."

"The size of your dowry says otherwise," he replied softly. "Though of course you wouldn't know-"

"That my husband will inherit my family's entire territory?" Territory that should technically be _his_. "There's no need to worry, my Lord, I'm aware of it."

"I see," he said. "Well, I have more than enough of my own land! Or, I _will_ , when my old man passes away. You're much lovelier than any of that, but I can make it worth your while!"

He was sure this kind of offer wasn't what Karma had had in mind. "Lord Yuuji, I appreciate your offer, I really do, but I have my duties here-"

"I can handle everything!" He said quickly. "It can be as though your wedding never happened!"

"A-actually," Nagisa thought on his feet, "I fear that would cause more trouble. You must have heard about the recent attack on this castle?"

"Yes," he became solemn. "It was nothing to do with us, I assure you."

The cogs in his mind started to spin. "W-well, it seems to me that someone doesn't agree with the union between Karma and I. If they just wanted one of us dead, why wait until right then, specifically? Even if it were easy to run away, I fear it would be dangerous to give whoever's behind this what they want. At the same time, though, I can't help but think that my life's in danger."

"Then?" Yuuji turned away from him, as though it pained him. "Won't it be safer for you with me?"

Nagisa swallowed. "If anything, I think it'll be more dangerous. I… I don't know much, but I think there'll be aggression, and my place is definitely here. Only… I don't think our forces are big enough on our own. I'm _only_ a woman, of course, so I can't understand it all."

Yuuji turned back. "Even if you won't let me have you, I don't want you to be hurt. I'm sure House Norita can spare a great deal."

He made a slightly rash decision, right then, and reached out for Yuuji's hand. Any extra _encouragement_ would be going too far. "I think you'll make a great Lord Norita, one day. It's… rare for young lords to be interested in more than just sports and war. You'll make another lady very happy one day." He squeezed his hand for extra effect, truly meaning it.

"Lady Nagisa Akabane," Yuuji stared at their connected hands, "thank you. I'll do what I can."

Of his own accord, he broke away, and started to walk back towards the palace. Though Nagisa had tried his best to be kind, he felt a strange kind of guilt. He didn't understand it very well, but it felt awful to use the feelings Yuuji had clearly gained for him to truly manipulate him into giving them exactly what they wanted. Though… it wasn't as though Nagisa had made him any promises he couldn't keep…

He returned to the keep after a little while, too, not sure quite what to make of it. Maybe Yuuji would be filled with envious hatred for Karma, during their little meeting. Nagisa hoped he hadn't made it worse, though he had no way of knowing. By the time he got back to his chambers, surprisingly, Karma was already up and gone. Though, that might be something to do with Karasuma waking him up.

It wasn't as though Nagisa was allowed into any of those important kind of meetings. So, he had a lot of time to kill. In the end, he headed to the library and took a large book detailing the features of Kunugigaoka back to the room. It wasn't that he didn't believe what Yuuji had been telling him about his home, but it was a different experience to hear about it from a neutral source. He definitely seemed to have been truthful, though.

"Nagisa," Karma said, a few moments after he'd heard the door open, "what did you do?"

He looked up from his book. "What do you mean?"

"Lord Yuuji practically insisted we take his soldiers, before we even mentioned anything about war."

"O-oh," so he'd gone through with it then. Nagisa steeled himself. "Isn't that just what you wanted?"

Instead of answering immediately, Karma just looked him over. "We did bring it up, of course, the truth of why we invited him here. At first he didn't seem so eager, but we think that he came around. We have to be careful, though, since he doesn't have all the power. I'm not banking on Lord Norita denying this, but you never know." He paused. "Do you want a reward, or something?"

Nagisa stared down. "I don't enjoy manipulating someone's emotions like that."

"It'll be worth it," Karma came over to him, gently lifting his chin with his fingers. "You don't exactly want a crown, though, do you? What is it that you want?"

"Freedom," Nagisa answered, the words escaping his tongue before he could think about it.

Something in his face dropped. "It'll be precarious no matter what. Without any sort of real claim to the throne, I can just as easily be pushed off it. It's not entirely necessary, but the more I think about it, the security is pretty nice."

Nagisa swallowed. "I didn't mean freedom from this _marriage_."

Though, what else could he possibly mean? The longer Nagisa lived like this, the more of his actual self he was losing. He was incredibly lucky to have been able to pull off his cover for so long, he knew there was no way he could keep it up for his whole life. For something that was supposed to just end in an easy one blow kill, it had sure become complicated. No, Nagisa could never be truly free when he was bound to this life of nobility.

"So I have your loyalty, then?"

"Why are you asking this right now?"

Karma let him go. "It's not exactly a requirement in this arrangement. All I need is your blood, really."

He considered him carefully, trying to ignore the slightly psychopathic connotations that last part had. "I didn't assume you'd fallen in love with me at first sight."

"There's a lot in this for me to gain," Karma said, "and you? I mean, it's what most ladies want, isn't it? All the money and parties and adoration in the world. You don't, though."

"Perhaps your impression was wrong all along." Somehow, for once in his life, Nagisa felt like he might have the upper hand. "I want to come with you, when you go to battle. I don't want to just stay cooped up here in this castle with no word of your return."

Karma's jaw dropped a little. "But I need you alive."

"You need to be alive too," Nagisa challenged, "if you actually want to sit on the throne."

He pressed his lips back together. "If that's your only request, I suppose I can explain it when the time comes."

For a moment, Nagisa thought. "The only thing I ever really cared about was that I'd be able to get along with whoever I married. But I already have that-"

Suddenly, a devilish smirk came on his face. "Oh, you _like_ me."

"Huh?"

"You want me to be your handsome knight and bring you favours!"

He hated the way his blood rushed to his face. "W-we're already married!"

"Doesn't mean I can't court you all the same~" his voice turned to sing song. "Name your desire, Lady Nagisa, I'll search until the end of the horizon-"

"Not with your body still weak, you won't."

Karma still looked gleeful, though, and he was far too close. "You _like_ me."

 _Maybe_. Maybe, Nagisa actually did, and that feeling was currently ripping him in two.


	12. Break Your Heart, Get Away With Murder

Nagisa had a few difficulties getting his skirts to co-operate. Though, he supposed there might be bigger issues at hand. With Yuuji's agreement to become sort of allies, and Karma almost entirely healed, the talks of war were getting even more intense. Nagisa had had to fake a second round of bleeding, too, and Karma was far less incapacitated this time.

But right then, the wind was blowing high, and his skirts felt like they were going to fly off with it.

Ever the answer to Nagisa's various petty problems, Karma slammed the basket they'd brought with them down on his hem, pinning it down. Really, it wasn't the best weather for something like this, but Karma had insisted that they leave the walls of the castle, and Nagisa was still stuck in his role of dutiful wife, so he didn't have a choice aside from going along with it.

"Try not to get blown away," Karma said, though his eyes drifted off into the distance.

Nagisa leaned over to him a little. "Are you sure you're okay, to be out here?"

He pouted. "Is this how it's going to be for the rest of our lives? I get slashed one time and suddenly my health's a liability."

"I didn't-" Nagisa sighed. "I didn't mean it like _that_."

A grin took the place of Karma's previous expression, which showed Nagisa he was actually joking. Nagisa had suspected he was, anyway. It was a slightly long process, but so much time with someone in close quarters meant he'd learnt a fair few of Karma's ticks. Annoyingly, he was starting to find far more that he liked, compared to what he didn't.

"Maybe I should show my wife just how _well_ I am~" He poked Nagisa in the cheek.

"What do you-"

Karma pressed a tender kiss to his lips, before he could finish his sentence. Immediately, Nagisa found himself melting into it. Admittedly, he'd gotten a little to used to Karma's kisses. His excuse had always remained, though, that it would be odd for him to reject the affection. He was playing a role. A role that… Nagisa enjoyed at times like this, and then started to forget.

It was his own fault to leaning into it more, essentially giving Karma the go ahead to take his cheek in his hand, pulling him closer. Being completely alone was rare, for them. Even in their bedchambers, Potechi would complain if they ignored him for too long. That limited the kissing to brief bouts, and with all of the war preparations, Karma wasn't frequently even in the mood. Though, as much as they were the only ones right there, they were still in the _open_.

Karma didn't seem to care about that fact, making the kiss deeper with every opportunity Nagisa gave him. Even with Irina as his tutor for a year, they'd focused far more on the actual killing aspects. He wasn't so used to these kinds of kisses. They felt good, albeit different from the kind he was used to. He was aware he was probably thinking too much, but then Karma's tongue ran along his lips, and Nagisa opened without thinking, and then he found he couldn't really think at all.

He wasn't sure entirely how it happened, but he ended up pushed down so that his back was flat, whilst Karma loomed over him. Though the physical act wasn't so different, a strange kind of fire started to burn in his stomach, and Nagisa, well, he'd never really _felt_ that way before. Moreover, he wasn't so inclined to stop. Though, he couldn't ignore that little voice in the back of his head forever, either. If anyone came across them, they'd surely think-

"Wait," he pulled away, turning his head for good measure. "Anybody could be walking around here-"

Karma looked at him for a moment, before starting to laugh. "You're concerned about what people think?"

"A-," Nagisa sat up, tugging the sleeve of his dress back up to propriety, " a little?"

"If anyone has anything bad to say," Karma mused, "I'll send them to my dungeons."

That was the opposite of what he wanted. "Don't do that. I'm not responsible for that kind of action."

"Mmm," Karma hummed, but then looked back off into the distance. "I actually have something for you to do, tomorrow."

That certainly perked Nagisa's interest up. With Karma pretty much well, nowadays, Nagisa had lost his purpose as 'nurse'. And he wasn't really allowed to be a part of their war meetings, either. Most people would have found it luxurious, to live such a comfortable life with only the well being of his dog (well, wolf) to keep him actually occupied. But Nagisa was quickly becoming bored again.

"Oh," he tried to sound a little less enthusiastic than he actually was, "what is it?"

"I know that you're fairly skilled with a knife," Karma said, "but I'm still worried about taking you anywhere near a battlefield. If you really want to come, I need to know that you'll be able to protect yourself. So, I'm sending Karasuma to help train you up a bit."

Nagisa wanted to scream that he'd saved Karma's life, _on a battlefield_ , and that he was more than capable of looking after himself. At the same time, though, he knew it was a good opportunity. Irina had focused on teaching him the killing strikes. Most of which followed swift and easy seduction. Sure, there had also been lessons about what to do if his target somehow resisted and fought him back, but he knew he'd find any pointers from Karasuma exceptionally useful.

"Thank you," he said genuinely. "I hope I won't have to use them."

"Maybe afterwards," Karma reached for his hand again, "we can have a rematch."

His breath hitched, when Karma's fingers slid up his wrist, stroking the skin he found there. Maybe the kiss had just driven his brain into overdrive, because he clearly wasn't thinking straight. His hairs stood up on their ends, though, finding himself sensitive. Perhaps it was embarrassing that ended up straying away from him as they walked back, though Karma made no effort to touch him after that.

He was busy, of course. Their little outing had only been a brief distraction. And Nagisa hadn't even needed to worry about Karma's appetite for touch, like always Potechi had been between them and Karma simply rolled into bed without a word. Nagisa watched him for a moment, that night, and really he wasn't sure what to think about his husband. Companions felt like a more accurate description for their relationship.

When he woke up, Karma was already gone. That was almost something unheard of, for him to slip out without Nagisa's notice. Potechi was padding around, clearly restless and wanting to run around. As Nagisa really started to adjust to the day, he noticed some clothes had already been laid out for him. It was nothing too complicated, but he was surprised to see the kind of trousers any man would wear were right there, accompanied by perhaps a slightly longer tunic, he assumed for modesty.

Once he was dressed, he could tell the clothes were comfortable, practical. They were made to be flexible, which he guessed would be perfect for something like practising combat. Nagisa paused, at the sight of his reflection, though. It was the first time in a long time he'd worn something so 'male'. Not since before he came here, and he did it behind his mother's back. Usually, it would have made him feel comfort, but right then he was just worried. Instead of tying his hair back in his usual style, Nagisa decided on a low ponytail, hoping showcasing his hair would help with keeping his cover.

Karasuma was already waiting for him in the training grounds. Nagisa should have expected that, actually. Karma's bodyguard seemed nothing if not prompt like that. Somehow, he felt a little nervous, but before he could stand there and debate it, Potechi bounded forwards, running off to chase some kind of small animal. Such a sudden movement certainly caught Karasuma's attention.

"Lady Nagisa," Karasuma lowered his head. "I trust you're prepared for this."

Nagisa tried his best to smile. "Thank you for agreeing to help me."

He sighed. "Karma insisted. He says that you already know the basics, but I'd like to check, anyway."

As it turned out, Karasuma wasn't the easiest instructor. But, he was patient, and a very good teacher. Nagisa listened closely to his pointers, quickly realising that Karasuma really did value perfecting those basic concepts. Thankfully enough, even if Nagisa wasn't well practised in a specific stance, combat had long since been something that was familiar to his body.

It was even more interesting, when Karasuma started explaining the best ways to actually fight back. Though it wasn't a real situation, Nagisa started to understand that even with his much lower body size, he could at the very least get out of some aggressive situations. With just the slightest twist, or good placement of his hands… And then Karasuma brought up using his legs more, since they could be used from further away than his arms.

"Aim for right here," Karasuma explained, pointing to his torso. "It can bring a man twice your size down to his knees."

"Got it," Nagisa said, about to move in.

Karasuma dodged him, though, with far more ease than he'd been displaying for their training purposes. "That's enough for today. There's a lot you can improve on, but with a lot of practise… you could be just fine to defend yourself. Unless… we should do a full run through?"

Nagisa nodded, getting himself into as stable a position as he could. If Karasuma was going to come for him for real, he needed to be prepared. He was calm and focused as he did it, clearly making to grab Nagisa by the throat. In a somewhat 'real' situation, it was hard to remember the easy steps he'd been taught. Naturally, Nagisa wished for his weapon, which he was so used to fighting with. When Karasuma lunged, though, he managed to side step, going right into his blind spot, but before he could counter strike, Karasuma knocked him back hard, halfway across the grounds.

"Ow," Nagisa groaned, rubbing the back of his head.

"Lady Nagisa!" Karasuma was already at his side. "I apologise, I was far too rough. We'll leave it there, if you're okay."

A little dazed, Nagisa nodded, accepting Karasuma's hand so that he could be pulled to his feet. Against somebody like Karasuma, he had a long way to go. He supposed all kinds of fighting were useful to know the basics of, though, just in case he really would have to use it someday. If he was pushed back so hard in a real situation, though, he might be a goner.

The moment he was excused, Nagisa made back to his chambers. As nice as it felt to wear his current clothes, they were dirtied from the exercise, and honestly walking around so boyish for so long was a risky move. The best thing to do would be to change into a gown, and make it to dinner in time to play his loving wife role correctly.

"Is Karma still in there?" Nagisa asked one of the guards, outside the council chambers.

"Not currently," he said, "I can go ask for him, if you wish?"

"Please," Nagisa nodded.

That left the chambers with just one guard outside. Now that Nagisa had lived in the castle for long enough of a time, he'd started to at least learn a few names. This particular guard, he'd come to recognise. He was one of the ones who showed up to first escort him, and he'd been on the battlefield during Lord Yanagisawa's surprise attack.

"My Lady," he said with a slight roughness to his tone.

Nagisa tilted his head. "If nobody's talking inside, what exactly are you guarding?"

He seemed to think for a moment. "Important documents, for one. You can check, if you must." For emphasis, he pulled the door open.

Not entirely sure of what the point of that was, Nagisa did look. Sure enough, the room was as empty as it usually was. It was often that we went inside there, though, and he'd never explored it alone. He hesitated a moment, before stepping inside properly. There really wasn't much to look at. Actually, when he came to think of it, even with guards it didn't seem much like Karma to just leave papers around…

"Come across anything interesting?"

"Commander Takaoka…" Nagisa remembered, "you really have to stand outside for this?"

He followed him, closing the door behind them. "You think there's more exciting jobs to be done?"

Really, the look of Takaoka was intimidating. Though compared with Nagisa, others such as Karasuma or Karma were taller, this seemed entirely different. Maybe it was that Takaoka was wide, too, as much as he was tall. It made him seem like a mountain, next to Nagisa. He had a smile across his face, though, as though this was amusing for him.

"I suppose it's not so exciting," he mused, "unless someone's getting attacked."

"And what would you know about _that_ , my Lady?"

Right then, Takaoka's tone struck a frightening chord with him. It reminded him of how he'd been accused of secretly conspiring that entire attack. Back then, it might have been true that Nagisa's immediate goal had actually been to kill Karma, but not in the way that pitted lords against each other. Nagisa hadn't really interacted with him, since that day.

"Oh," he decided to play innocent, "I know nothing of war."

Takaoka came forward, though, almost like he was trying to trap Nagisa against the table. "I can follow orders, but that doesn't mean I believe them. You know what I think?" An unsettling grin was across his face. "Even if you didn't do it, the timing's far too coincidental. No matter how you look at it, it's your fault."

"Let me go," Nagisa tried his best to be firm, but his heart was racing.

"Nothing good as happened, since your arrival. Your servant's a whore, for one. Throwing herself all over the other men like an animal in heat. Wouldn't surprise me if you were, too."

Nagisa _really_ didn't like this. Every part of his instincts screamed danger. Right then, Nagisa had to start thinking of this like a battle. When it came to brute strength, even with the lessons Karasuma had just given him, there was just so _much_ of Takaoka. Nagisa's fist clenched by his side, but then his knuckles brushed against a hard resistance, and finally he remembered his knife. Just like always, he wore it strapped to his thigh.

"Hmm?" Takaoka's eyes flashed crazy and wild, the grin still on his face. "Cat got your tongue? _C'mo_ n," a darkness came over his form, "admit it. You have no business being here."

Now he knew he was armed, Nagisa took the chance he could. He delivered the best punch he could, right underneath the sternum. By all means, it was the best place he could have hit him, right then, since he was able to put a good amount of weight into it. But, although Takaoka flinched, he didn't double over in pain like Nagisa had hoped, that would have allowed him to make an escape.

Disturbingly, the grin remained. "Oh, you'll regret that." He easily slapped Nagisa over to the side, really showcasing his strength. It didn't take a lot of force, to knock Nagisa to his feet. "Get on your knees and apologise, and perhaps I won't do worse."

Nagisa pulled himself to his feet, barely listening to what he said. He knew he needed to get out of there, somehow, but Takaoka was too fast, grabbing onto him firmly. Nagisa was just considering attempting a jab at his throat, before his hands suddenly came to his shoulder, and before he could even try to jerk back he pulled down the front of his dress.

Whatever he'd been attempting to do, that was enough to make him stop entirely, freezing in shock at the sight of Nagisa's chest. And Nagisa knew, he couldn't exactly pass for even the flattest of girls, not at this age. Running on instinct, though, Nagisa finally managed to free himself, pulling his blade into his hands. He looked at it for a moment, and then he came to a realisation.

Takaoka knew his secret now, and no matter what he'd been trying, that fact alone made him the most dangerous person. There was no way he'd keep quiet about it… which meant that he couldn't be allowed to leave the room alive. Nagisa steeled himself, preparing himself for the fight. This would be different from his fight with Karasuma… the purpose wasn't learning here.

He tugged his dress back up, and then thought. Takaoka was far too strong for him to just take on directly, he'd end up getting beaten to a pulp. Besides, he had a pretty big sword, and Nagisa didn't want to give him the chance to think to draw it on him. Speed was going to be the best factor, then. And thankfully, he had the advantage of Takaoka's shock.

"You-"

 _Get behind him_ , Nagisa thought. _Get behind him so you'll be out of his range_.

"I'm sorry, Commander Takaoka."

Nagisa took hold of all of his nerves, and started his approach. He didn't want him to guard himself too well, so he just walked closer to him, trying to close that distance as much as he could. Still surprised, Takaoka didn't draw his own weapon. Instead, he stared intently at Nagisa's, like he wasn't sure exactly what he'd do with it.

Everything happened a little too quickly for Nagisa's own comprehension. Once he reached Takaoka, something took over him. His lessons on killing with Irina didn't seem to matter, in that moment. Nagisa didn't think through his manoeuvres, he didn't think at all. As natural as breathing came to him, he got behind Takaoaka, pulling him down after a moment of unsteadiness, and slashed the knife across his throat.

He had never properly struck his knife into human flesh before, so he was a little unprepared for the slight resistance that came with it. He pulled it free, though, quickly moving out of his position before Takaoka could collapse back and trap his body. Sure enough, once he stood before him, just catching that last moment of life before he went entirely limp, blood gushing too fast from his throat.

Nagisa breathed heavily, his knife momentarily slipping out of his hand. He immediately wished he hadn't done that, because the blood had spilled onto the floor. Perhaps he should have been concerned, that the floor was his first thought, but Nagisa felt strange. Somehow, a calmness ran through him, rather than fear at what he'd done.

Killing hadn't felt as he'd expected it to.

It was necessary, though. Clearly, Takaoka hadn't been an _honourable_ man. Even before this, Nagisa had never felt good around him. More importantly though, he'd discovered Nagisa's secret, and there was no way he would have kept his mouth shut. People took life all the time, didn't they? He was sure Karma had killed many, during battles. And Irina, she wasn't shy about her body count…

Somehow, even though Takaoka was no longer alive, his wide open eyes still help pure fear. Nagisa wasn't so far gone he could bear to look into them, so he reached over, closing the lids with two fingers. Aside from the bleeding, it almost seemed like Takaoka could be sleeping. For a moment, it was all Nagisa could do to close his eyes.

Being caught like this was just as bad as the truth behind his gender. Just because Karma and his advisors weren't using the room right then, didn't mean they wouldn't be soon. Unfortunately for him, it was a known fact that Nagisa was now the last person to have seen Takaoka alive, and he had absolutely no alibi. If anybody found his body… there was no way he wouldn't be implicated.

Legs shaking just a little bit, he lifted Takaoka's arm up, and attempted to tug him away from where he rested. Except… he was a literal dead weight, and Nagisa wasn't exactly strong. After a few tries, he realised there was no way he'd be able to actually move him on his own. That presented a problem, because there weren't many people he could confess murder to. Actually, there may be one…

He checked himself for blood, quickly yanked a tapestry from the wall and covered the body, before heading out of the wall and towards the barracks. If Irina really had been spending all her time charming those men… then that was likely where she'd be. Nagisa wondered, as he quickly walked through the halls, whether he actually looked guilty or not. Though, nobody really looked at him.

"Irina," he burst through the door finally, desperation starting to come through. "I need you immediately."

To his slight surprise, he didn't find Irina with a random man from the guard. She wasn't even doing anything particularly untoward, actually they were just sitting beside each other. Even a serious person like Karasuma looked relaxed, and Irina was _smiling_. That, on its own, disturbed Nagisa greatly. It wasn't the time to think too deep about it, though.

"Is everything alright?" Karasuma asked.

Nagisa forced a smile on his face. "Just fine! These are a lady's issues, though."

It was the perfect way to shut other men up, sometimes. Of course, knowing that Nagisa was a part of that category, it certainly got Irina's attention. It wasn't like he ever called on her like the handmaiden she was supposed to be. Really, with his attempts of Karma assassination on an indefinite pause, he hadn't had so much of a reason to speak with her.

"Of course," she straightened her skirts. "Right away, Lady Nagisa."

There were lots of things he could say about Irina, but she did know when to hold herself back in a serious situation. Perhaps Nagisa's demeanour gave her enough of a clue. Whatever the case, she didn't argue with him, just followed as they silently went right back to the council room, where thankfully it seemed like nobody had paid a visit too yet.

Nagisa gulped, before bending down, removing the tapestry. "Please help."

"I see," she looked over at the corpse. "Nagisa," a deadly smile ran across her face, " _what were you thinking, brat_?"

"I- I didn't have a choice," he defended. "He found out, and he was going to attack me."

Irina sighed. "It's true, I've had assassinations in the past that had a little bit of mess, _collateral damage_. But you can't just escape from here."

"Should we hide it?"

" _We_?" Irina huffed. "What does this have to do with me, huh?" But, then she looked at the body again. "Well, I'm implicated now. We need to figure out if we can get him out of this room. If not, we'll have to cut him up a little more."

Nagisa was at least horrified at _that_ idea. He tried to think, though. There were far too any people walking around for them to casually try and move a body through the hallways, and it wasn't like they could just throw him out him out the window… the stab wound was probably too obvious. There was only one other way out.

"What about the tunnels?"

Ever since finding them as useful as he had during that attack, Nagisa had attempted to explore them as much as possible. As he found out, it was a little more complicated than just a route from the master chambers to the nearest village. And of course, the council room was one of the _best_ locations to have an entrance to the tunnel system, Nagisa hadn't questioned it when he found it for the first time.

"Will this do?" He pulled back another of the tapestries, exposing a makeshift doorway.

Irina looked between Takaoka and Nagisa. "We could dump him in the woods, but I doubt even the both of us could pull him that far. We'll leave him just inside that passage, he won't start smelling for around a day," she said. "Let the _professional_ handle this," her blue eyes burned into his. "You focus on keeping your husband busy for tonight, are we clear?"

Nagisa gulped and nodded, proceeding with the attempt to move the body just a little. Irina was right, even with the both of them, he was still exceptionally hard to move. They just about managed to drag him, but there was no way they could keep up the pace all the way outside the castle. It was about then that Nagisa realised he was way in over his head with this.

"Okay," Irina said. "Now go do your job."

He felt like he was being ordered like a child, but he knew he had no rights to complain. He'd needed help, and this is what he had to deal with in order to receive it. What was important right then was keeping his eyes set right ahead of him, and right then Irina was correct, keeping Karma occupied was his number one priority. Everything else faded into the background.

"Nagisa," Karma grabbed him so quickly when he entered the bedroom, Nagisa barely had time to tense himself in preparation. "Where have you been? You said you were looking for me."

"N-nowhere important," Nagisa said immediately, trying his best not to jerk out of Karma's touch.

Karma almost gave him the one over. "You look shaken."

"Maybe because you grabbed a hold of me the moment I walked through the door-"

"What's that?"

They both looked down at Nagisa's arm in shared horror. Nagisa had been _so_ careful, when he did the killing part, but he supposed he wasn't a genius when it came to hiding bodies. He'd managed to miss a bit of Takaoka's blood, when he'd given himself the brief check over. Karma was an experienced fighter, there was no way he wouldn't recognise blood when he saw it.

"I-" Nagisa raced through his head to think of an excuse. "It happened when Karasuma was teaching me."

He tutted. "Was he hard on you? Well, no matter. Why don't you go take a bath? It…" he hesitated for a moment, as though he was deciding whether to be genuinely kind or find something to make fun of. "It truly helps, if your muscles are sore."

"Thank you," Nagisa said, secretly pleased that Karma had chosen the nice option, and that he'd managed to successfully excuse the blood.

The servants were quick, as always, to fill the bath in the side room with water that was just a little hotter than he'd usually appreciate, with it adding various ointments that made the water murky, though it smelt nice. At least Karma seemed completely normal. Surely he'd look a little more alert, if he knew one of his men was actually missing.

He tried not to think about that, when he entered the bath. The tub was pretty deep at least, the water rising above even his shoulders with his body in it. He just had to act like this was any other evening. He closed his eyes, wishing the water would just swallow him whole. Karma wasn't kidding about it feeling nice for his muscles though.

"Nagisa?"

Instantly he panicked, as the door was opened. Karma had never tried to pry when he washed before, and he wasn't entirely prepared for it. Scrambling away would have exposed him even more, he realised, so instead he froze. When Karma didn't immediately freak out, but instead approached him, Nagisa remembered that you couldn't actually see beneath the water. All he had to do was keep his chest below the level.

"The water's nice," he forced out.

"Good," Karma nodded, "let's hope it won't be necessary."

Nagisa shifted. "How were your meetings?"

He moved behind Nagisa, then, he sat down on his knees. "Not so interesting. We're trying to secure information mostly, along with supplies and as much training for our troops as possible." As he talked, he leaned over, tugging the tie from Nagisa's hair. "There's a sweet spot, but we may have to make our attack first."

"What then-"

Before he could properly finish his question, Karma gathered some of the water from the tub, and poured it over Nagisa's head. "Then, if all goes well, we'll take Kunugigaoka." His hands moved to his hair, like he was starting to scrub. "There are still a number of lords loyal to House Asano, though. It's difficult to come up with the right concessions, so they accept their defeat."

It felt exceptionally nice, but- "Why are you washing my hair like a maid?"

For a moment, he froze. "Would a maid do this?"

Instead of washing him properly, Karma's fingers trailed the back of his head, against his scalp. It was an odd sensation, but then he wound a lock of the now wet hair around his finger, like he was trying to play with it. Nagisa tensed, since he didn't really like people messing with his hair like that, but then forced himself to try and relax. It didn't really matter, if Karma wanted to do something like this. He stroked against Nagisa's neck then, though, and he couldn't help but flinch.

"Anyway," Karma gathered more water, and rinsed his hair out again, "this long game plan… it's irritating me."

"You're trying to usurp an entire kingdom," he pointed out, "you shouldn't rush."

"Hmm," Karma stood up then. "I'll see you momentarily," his tone was somewhat suggestive, as he met his eyes before leaving the room.

Nagisa just lay there and sighed for a moment, before finally pulling himself out of the water. He dried himself off, realising that whatever was in that water had made his skin feel soft, and his limbs indeed more relaxed. He hesitated for just a moment, before pulling his usual bottom layer of light nightgown over his head, checking once that it was completely secure, before affixing the knife back to its rightful place at his thigh.

"Where's Potechi?" Nagisa immediately noticed his absence.

Karma looked at him. "He was running around in circles, so one of the servants let him outside for a bit. They'll return him before long, I think."

"Oh."

Nagisa sat down on the bed, feeling a little sad about that. He could have done with an extended fluffy cuddle right then. Karma was there, he supposed, though he wasn't fluffy by any means. He, too, was ready for bed, wearing just his under breeches. He wasn't sure how to feel about any of this, but he was still a little nervous at the concept of throwing himself into Karma's arms.

"Really, Nagisa," Karma bumped shoulders with him. "Is something the matter?"

"No," Nagisa faced him, and brought an innocent smile to his face. "I'm completely fine."

Karma blinked a couple of times, before simply shrugging. Like any other night, he just flopped back onto their bed, stretching himself out as though he was about to fall asleep. Nagisa wasn't exactly sure what else to do with himself, so he just joined him, though he didn't feel quite ready to rest. There was no point in just sitting up there, though.

"Hey," Karma reached over, poking him on the cheek. He'd rolled onto his side, propping himself up with one arm so that he could see him. "Are you still sure about coming?"

"Of course," Nagisa faced him, meeting his eyes. "I want to be by your side."

He wasn't sure what came over him, when he said that. All Nagisa knew was that it hadn't been a lie, more a slip of the tongue. Since when did he genuinely mean _that_? The longer this whole façade went on, the less hurried he was to leave. Maybe it _was_ because he did want to get to the bottom of things, but, that wasn't it alone, was it?

Karma stared at him. "You'd ride right into battle with me, wouldn't you?"

"Is that so bad?" It came out like a whisper.

"I don't understand _why_ ," he rolled over again, then, onto his back. "The only reason we're married is for convenience. Yet, the things you say sometimes, your more loyal than a lover. It's not like I've really attempted to be a husband to you."

Nagisa turned his head away. "Is that how you think."

He heard just the hint of a groan of frustration, before he was yanked over, and suddenly they were on their sides, so close Karma's chest was pressed against his own. Though his face seemed somewhat cool and calculated, Nagisa could just about feel the strength of his heart beating. He was somewhat nervous about this, then.

"I never said I _minded_ ," he said. "I can't be surprised? It's not like it's an inconvenience to me."

"Maybe you like me too," he just about got out.

Karma went rigid for just a second. "Do you mind?"

"Well," Nagisa broke his gaze, blood slightly to his face. "I wasn't under the impression this was f-friendship."

He reached down, then, taking Nagisa's chin beneath his fingers, yanking it up with a hint of roughness. Somehow, even with that conversation, Nagisa wasn't exactly ready for it when Karma kissed him. It felt different yet again to the sensations he was used to. Honestly, as nice as it had felt before, compared with this it felt like they'd just been two kids trying something out.

Karma pulled back, as though he was taking everything in for a moment, before a hand came down on Nagisa's shoulder. He didn't think to resist it, letting Karma push him flat on his back. Before he could really register Karma climbing over him, another kiss was planted on his lips, and it was like all the bad stuff was taken away. Nagisa even found himself wrapping his arms around his neck, tugging him even closer.

But Karma's hands were on his waist, and his thin nightwear wasn't doing much to shield his nerves from the sensation. Nagisa gasped a little against his lips, which only caused Karma to give him a tighter grip. Nagisa didn't know why, but he was suddenly incredibly lightheaded. And he didn't really want Karma's hands to leave.

He pulled back, then, as much as Nagisa's arms would allow, and kissed the side of his mouth, and then his cheek, and then suddenly he shifted and his lips pressed against his neck. Nagisa hadn't expected something like that to make him feel so sensitive, and he shuddered, gasping more clearly that time. Karma took that as a sign to do it again.

Nagisa had certainly never felt this way before. His head was so cloudy, and his body was buzzing with this strange kind of heat. It was like he'd swallowed a kind of venom, because the reasonable part of his brain wasn't working as it should. There should be something holding him back, but then Karma kissed him deeply on the lips again, and Nagisa couldn't think of a single reason to stop.

Shifting with his legs, trying to get Karma entirely closer to him and keep him there, the pressure grew even stronger. No, he definitely never wanted Karma to stop. The message seemed to get across just fine, because then Karma shifted his hips just so, and fire roared behind Nagisa's eyes. For the first time, he could finally understand the fascination with this kind of thing.

Even Karma's breaths came heavy, almost like pants, and Nagisa knew he wanted to hear his gasp too. He really tried to return the kiss as much as he could, his own hand slipping from around his neck into his hair. Karma apparently took that as permission to move his own hand, playing with the fabric of his night gown, pushing it up just above his knees. Nagisa responded by scraping his teeth against Karma's lower lip, trying to keep it together as he suddenly felt his fingers against his skin.

He writhed, practically, knowing all he wanted was more. Why hadn't they been doing this before? Was this the wedding night he was owed? It felt like so much, yet not enough, and a primal urge told him he wanted Karma's hand higher, right where all of the heat was gathering. Thankfully, he got exactly that, with Karma making the plunge after a moment or two of just feeling him, and Nagisa almost screamed that _yes_ , he wanted _this._

Until he realised Karma stopped responding to his kisses, and in fact was entirely frozen. It was enough to alarm him, some of the haze clearing. Was something wrong? Did he kick him or something? Nagisa let him go, creating enough of a distance between to take a look at his face. And Karma… his eyes were wide open in a mixture of horror and fear.

And then Nagisa looked down, and realised where a tent had formed underneath his night gown. Because girls didn't hard like that. _Oh no_. Finally, his thoughts came back to him, and he realised just how much of an error he'd made. Karma had just discovered the fact that was meant to mark his death, and this really had turned into how he'd imagined their wedding night.

" _What_."

With shaky fingers, Nagisa realised right then the only thing he could do, and pulled out his knife.


	13. Tsuki akari mitai

"S-stay back," Nagisa gripped the knife as tightly as he could. "Stay back or I'll have to-"

For once in his life, Karma actually listened to him. He scrambled off the bed, finding his feet, and held his arms up, as if to show he had no weapon. There was no fear in Karma's eyes, though, and Nagisa wasn't sure how to feel about that. Instead, he could tell Karma was thinking, and he was confused, trying to put all of he pieces together.

"You'll kill me?" He questioned.

Nagisa swallowed. "I'm sorry."

He edged across the border of the room. Maybe it would be easier to just kill Karma. This was the plan all along, wasn't it? But then Nagisa trembled. Karma didn't deserve to die, he knew that much. What he'd been searching for before, a way out, it didn't really feel like it applied so much anymore. But what could he do? Run?

"I'm sorry," he said again, and then managed to fall out of the door.

Nagisa didn't even have time to think, he just ran. Down the hallway, like some kind of madman. He didn't care so much if anyone looked at him, though perhaps he should have considered the potential of being caught and restrained. Nagisa just needed to find the quickest way out of the castle, before it would even occur to anyone else what was happening.

He raced into the council room, yanking back the tapestry that covered one of the escape tunnels. If he could get into the right system, then he'd be able to flee the castle and never look back again. Nagisa had spent a lot of time exploring, but it was a little different trying to find his way in the complete dark. Surely, if he just felt about for the walls…

But then he tripped over something, causing him to fall right down on his front. Except, this wasn't the floor, and it was slightly wet. Like a huge lump… And then Nagisa realised that Irina wouldn't have had time to try and move the body yet. The body that they'd left right about here. Reflexively, he screamed. Though, once he realised he'd done it, he clamped his hands over his mouth and stumbled back. It wasn't very helpful, because he'd already let out a high alert.

Nagisa couldn't even bring himself to his feet, his legs were shaking so hard. He knew he had to, because it was that or his own death, but it was like the events of that day were finally catching up with him. He just wanted to curl up and cry like a small child. He almost did just that, when he saw a flickering light around the corner, accompanied by a familiar face.

"K-korosensei?" It escaped his lips.

He took a look between Nagisa and the body. "This is a bigger mess than I expected."

Nagisa almost sobbed. "I-"

"Lady Nagisa," Korosensei said, "I have one request of you. Don't move an inch, until you can see my face again."

"O-okay?"

With that, he blew his candle out, and Nagisa felt a chilling breeze. It wasn't like an actual wind, more like ice setting over his bones. The only word he could really think of was the feeling of despair, and it echoed around that tunnel in the dark as he was completely left to himself. Perhaps Nagisa really did sob, as he sat there pathetically, until the light came back.

He hadn't even noticed, but the body was _gone_.

"H-how-"

"I think it's best you come with me."

Honestly, Nagisa didn't really have a choice. What he'd just witnessed… it was inhuman. He couldn't disobey such an instruction. Besides the fact that he'd been caught right beside a dead body, which he'd earlier killed. Even if he could choose, though, Korosensei seemed like a good option. There were far better ways of sounding an alarm than just this… he was sure.

He tried his best to follow after him, though his pace was somewhat urgent. Not as urgent as he'd been in his attempts to flee, but Korosensei certainly seemed to know these tunnels. Somehow, Nagisa wouldn't have put that past him, if he'd learnt it as new information. They just kept twisting and turning, until he finally reached an opening.

"It's not much," he explained, "but these are my quarters."

They were a little bigger than what would be given to a servant, but still small. Or perhaps that was all the clutter, making the room appear cramped. He didn't seem to mind all the papers and books that were scattered, though, easily side stepping so he could light up the rest of his candles for light. Really, if Nagisa squinted, perhaps it made the room seem less depressingly just a bed and a desk like it would otherwise be.

"Please," he said, "take a seat."

 _Where?_ Nagisa went back into manners mode, though, and gently shifted a few pieces of paper so he could sit himself on the bed. "T-thank you."

"You were running away," Korosensei said, pulling up a stool to sit opposite him. "This castle's on lockdown."

"I-I can explain-" But _could_ he?

Something almost sympathetic washed over Korosensei's face. "I know you're not who you say you are."

"No," Nagisa thought, "I _am_. I'm Nagisa of House Shiota. I just… I wasn't born a girl."

He noticed a strange glint in his dark eyes. "Interesting. _Interesting…_ " He stood up, them, and started to pace.

"Uhm," maybe it was better just to continue, "my mother… she's kind of crazy. Ever since my father's death. But there's nothing that can be done to help her. She was convinced I was a girl, so sent me here for marriage against my will," he breathed, "but then Karma didn't show any signs of wanting to touch me, so… I stayed. I was frightened."

" _How_ did your father die?" Korosensei turned to him then.

Nagisa just looked down. "I d-don't know. It was right before my birth, that's all I really have."

He handed a book over to him, then, placing it right in his lap. "This might interest you. It's an account of the Asano's rise to power. Completely unofficial, of course, otherwise it wouldn't be true."

Looking at the book, it seemed far too thick for him to read in such dire circumstances. "I hope I'll be able to find the time."

"Well," Korosensei said, "I'll summarise it for you then. Of course, King Gakuho attempted to eliminate every threat once he actually took power, and he didn't stop with just the old king. It's the worst kept secret in Kunugigaoka, that he killed off every branch of the family tree until there was nobody who could challenge his claim. Your mother announced that she'd given birth to a girl before he could even get to her. And maybe the King wasn't entirely the monster he was happy to be known as, or he just thought you weren't significant enough. I myself remember the deflated hope amongst all those who would rebel, when your birth was publicly announced."

"Y-you think all of this was to _protect_ me?"

Korosensei tilted his head. "Perhaps your mother was never sane throughout any of it. But regardless, this may have saved your life up until now."

Nagisa gulped. "If the King ever finds out, he'll kill me."

"He's already trying," he said sympathetically. "Even though Karma survived that attack. Who's to say what else he has in motion? I spent enough time around Yanagisawa to know how they work."

"Korosensei," Nagisa started, "what actually happened, with Lord Yanagisawa and House Yukimura?"

Something dark crossed over his face, then. Somehow, Nagisa knew he'd gone too far. It was clearly spoken about in hushed whispers for a _reason_. It definitely wasn't the time, either, given the circumstances he was currently facing. But, Nagisa felt this deep need to know, to understand the person Korosensei actually was. He had no reason to help him… yet he _was_. There was no way he knew to take it in properly.

Finally, Korosensei nodded. "Perhaps it might be useful for you, Nagisa." He looked off to the side, though. "As you must know, I was once one of the most infamous assassins in these lands. From Kunugigaoka to the eastern kingdoms… I could reach any target, until I slipped up just once, and Yanagisawa's men caught me. I was completely overpowered, so they brought me to his dungeons like a prize, except he had no idea what to actually do with me. The first couple of nights he tortured me, but really he just wanted to be known as the one who caught me. He pretty much left me to die after that, and nobody brought me food or water," he swallowed, "until…"

* * *

"Are you okay, there?"

The Reaper looked up in slight shock, although he'd heard the footsteps. He couldn't bring himself to say anything, though. His throat was so dry it felt like it might close up completely. But, even if he wanted to talk, he didn't have a lot to say. The owner of this place, Lord Yanagisawa, he'd already had him on the torturing rack. The Reaper had been primed to withstand pain, but he was something entirely different.

"Oh, here," perhaps like a fool, a hand slid out of the shadows, between the dungeon bars, and a cup of water was pushed forwards. "I wasn't sure if you'd been given a drink or not."

As a man who was quite literally parched, his instincts wouldn't pass that up. There was always the chance that it could be poisoned, but what was there to live for these days? He may be the most notorious assassin of his age, but there were limits to what a mortal man could do. There was no way out of this dungeon, not unless he managed to manipulate a guard. Unfortunately for him, nobody had even entered the room… until right then.

"That must be a little better," the voice was light, _feminine_. "I snuck this out of the kitchens, too."

A little less timidly, she rolled a small amount of bread over. The Reaper knew not to eat too quickly, after starving for a little while, but the bite he allowed himself was like a solace. Not quite enough to regain his whole strength, but it would keep him alive. He left the rest of it at his side, so that it wouldn't tempt him until later and his stomach would be able to handle it.

"My husband won't notice," she said, "he forgets things quite often. I was worried, when I heard that we had a new prisoner, that you'd be left to waste away."

Finally, The Reaper crawled out of his corner a little, and finally set his eyes upon the woman. He didn't know what he'd been expecting, but this wasn't it. The first thing he noticed was that she was rich, the material and almost obnoxiously vibrant coloured dye of her clothes gave that away. He could remember Lord Yanagisawa, though, and he was definitely past the age of physical prime. If this was his wife, then… She was young, surely only just an adult, and her heart shaped face was framed by long flowing dark hair.

Objectively she was beautiful, but beyond that it was her golden eyes that struck him the most. As he stared at her there, it became clear she had one thing many people in her person were uncapable of. Kindness. But, this woman must have been pretty highborn, to be married to Lord Yanagisawa. He was surprised she still had that spark, almost impressed.

But most importantly, The Reaper could use that to his advantage.

Like the natural born predator he was, he sat up and to attention, and examined his target. This wouldn't be the first time he'd had to charm a noble woman. Looking at her, it might take some time, but he was sure he could slip beneath her kindness and sympathy, and that would be his ay out of here. For the first time in weeks, hope sprung forth.

"What's your name?" He rasped.

"Aguri," she said with a smile, "it's Aguri. What about you?"

"I don't have one," he replied simply, "not one that I remember. If you have to call me something, you can use 'The Reaper'."

"Okay," she said cheerily. "Reaper it is!"

At first, she came about once a week. She'd left a cup the first time, so at the very least he had something to collect the small drips of water in. He was still dehydrated, but he could handle it. Her visits gave him a sense of _time_ , too, which meant he was able to start planning how he might escape. Admittedly, their conversations actually did a wonder on him too.

He wasn't against having conversations with those he was targeting, in fact it kept his mind sharp. But, Aguri was something different. At first he was prying for as much information on her as he could get, but somewhere along the way he knew he was genuinely enjoying her company. As she did with him, considering how the visits became far more frequent, and far more familiar. Strangely, he started looking forward to the times they could meet, a warm feeling growing beneath his chest.

* * *

"She was the first person to show you kindness," Nagisa said.

Korosensei had a smile on his face, but Nagisa instantly knew he was wrong. "I wasn't born into a stable life, not at all, and for most of my childhood all I could really understand was death. If you kill people, they die. But, there's glimpses. I know I had a mother with silver hair who cared for me until she couldn't."

* * *

"Reaper!" Aguri practically raced down the stairs into the dungeon. "I have great news!"

He blinked slowly, eyes adjusting to the candlelight. "You seem… excited?"

She nodded eagerly, practically skidding to her knees to sit beside the bars. "W-well! I _am_ excited."

"Please," he smiled, entirely genuinely, "tell me why."

Aguri beamed, and it was the best thing he'd seen. "My younger sister, she's getting to the age now where she needs a tutor. Of course my husband hasn't put much thought into it, and as far as he's concerned, you have no use to him anymore. _So_ , I tried my best to convince him, and like a miracle he agreed to it!"

He tilted his head. "He'll… let me out of this prison?"

"Yes!" She nodded eagerly. "You'll be treated just the same as any other servant. It's… better than this, anyway, and I won't have to worry about making sure you don't starve anymore!"

There was nothing more he could have gained from this. If he was to be allowed the same range as a servant, then he'd be able to slip into freedom in no time. Probably even take Yanagisawa himself out, just for good measure. And yet… _why_ did he want to stay? Wanting to stay was never a part of his plan.

"Thank you," he said.

A flush came over her face, and she turned her head a little. "I want to touch you."

Perhaps very soon they would be able to, _really_ , but he could make do. He shuffled closer to the bars, and weaved his hand through the small gap, so that just that part of him was free. Aguri took it, and their fingers wrapped around each other in a desperate clasp. When he squeezed tight enough, he could practically feel her blood pulsing, and that was the most beautiful thing.

* * *

"Akari was a good student," he said, "she's even the one who gave me the name Korosensei, whilst we were studying languages. The Yukimura sisters… they made me want to be something, _someone_ I never thought I could."

Nagisa almost didn't want to ask, but he knew he had to. "But then?"

His face went solemn. "Before we knew it, for the first time, we started to understand what love was. I'm sure you can imagine, but Yanagisawa was far from a caring husband. He needed a son to solidify his alliance with House Yukimura, and it just wasn't happening for them. He'd beat her often, if she stepped even a toe out of line, but it ended up pushing her closer. It became obvious then, when her stomach swelled up to noticeability. For the first time in his life, Yanagisawa even acted kind towards her, with a celebratory feast and the most comfort throughout the pregnancy. When Nimaruou was born, he gave her the greatest gift in ignoring her almost entirely."

"Nimaruou?"

Something beamed on Korosensei's face (like a proud… _father?!_ ). "I believe you might have met him, during the wedding! He's so big now, isn't he? Well, with Yanagisawa paying no attention, we got to be like a family for a while. Which made us comfortable. So when Aguri was pregnant for the second time, Yanagisawa hadn't touched her for a long time. He kept quiet about it, throughout, just so that he could claim Itona as his own at his birth. But it was only days later."

* * *

He might have once been the most fearsome assassin in the lands, but he knew where to choose his battles. Far too many guards were sent to him, weapons poised and ready to kill, and he knew he had no choice but to go with them. It was that or death. Though, when they reached their destination, he quickly wished he'd chosen death.

Yanagisawa was sat on a chair in the banquet hall, waiting for his arrival. Korosensei (he preferred little Akari's name for him much more) was certain this was not to be a friendly meeting. He was shoved down onto his knees, though the guards he'd sent were clearly afraid, keeping an almost unnecessarily hard grip on him.

His heart absolutely dropped to his stomach, when Aguri was pulled in in an equally violent manner. He tensed, but he couldn't even really try to pull away. The more he struggled, the harder their grasp became. They locked eyes, then, and somehow he knew exactly what had happened. They'd feared this day would come, that Yanagisawa would figure out the truth of Aguri's children.

Chillingly, Yanagisawa said nothing. He just lifted a hand, and a different guard came forth. Korosensei could only cry out, as he wacked her around the head with all his strength. She cried out, and so did he, but there was nothing that could be done. It didn't matter how much he desperately tried to pull away, to save her somehow. The force holding him down was just too much, and so there he was as she was beaten again and again.

The only thing he could do was not do her the disservice of closing his eyes. Not looking would only take away his pain, not hers. So, he bore it. _Please know that I'm still here_. Perhaps Yanagisawa was looking for a reaction from him, but all that held him together was looking at Aguri. The guard really wasn't holding back, and her pained screams mixed with the crunching of bones. So it was to the death, then.

Apparently satisfied by the time she'd lost the energy to scream, Yanagisawa stood up, and drew his own sword. By that point, he could only sense the faintest threads of life coming from her. Surely, she wouldn't survive such brutality. But apparently Yanagisawa wanted to finish the job. Perhaps it was out of some kind of mercy, but he doubted that. More likely it was to be completely sure.

At least that part was quick, before he withdrew the sword and resheathed it, walking away and out of the room as though what he'd just done was nothing to him. That's about when Korosensei's vision turned from red to black, and he became one again with his pure killer instincts. With the distraction of their master's leaving, he managed to pull himself up and to his feet quickly, landing a hard punch against one of the guards.

The specifics of what actually happened was a mystery to him. It was down to his deepest sense of muscle memory, that one by one he managed to take all of the guards out. He hadn't had a weapon himself, but once he got one of them disarmed, the fight was lost. It was only when he withdrew the blade from the final corpse that it became clear just how red the room had been painted.

Korosensei didn't care much for assessing the damage, his eyes instead focusing in on Aguri. He dropped the sword entirely, rushing over to her side, although it was already far too late. If only there was some life left there for him to say a proper farewell to. Perhaps Yanagisawa had wanted him killed, but living with this felt like it would be so much worse. Seeing that helpless look still framed in her now lifeless eyes. For the first time in his life, his fingers actually shook as he pushed her eyelids down, at last letting her sleep.

The only interruption was a shrill scream.

Korosensei's head snapped, and there he took in Akari, still very much a child. He himself had seen so much at that age, but _she_ didn't need to see this. But there she was, and she was terrified. And then he realised what it must look like in here eyes, as though he alone had caused all of this. In a sense, it was true, though. He was still the reason behind Aguri's death.

"Akari-"

But she fled, and he wasn't sure about chasing after her. He would likely just be recaptured or worse that way. No, time to turn his attention. Yanagisawa? He wanted nothing more than to kill him in ways more torturous than he'd killed Aguri. But there were other people to think about. The boys… He wouldn't be able to take them, he knew that much. The only thing he really _could_ do… was leave.

* * *

"It wasn't so hard to escape," Korosensei continued as though nothing traumatic had happened, "though I knew I needed shelter somehow. And I didn't feel like killing anymore. It was around that time that Karma's parents died and left him the lord of this kingdom. Just the vacancy I needed as a tutor. Of course the scandal got out, as much as Yanagisawa denied having anything to do with her death."

Nagisa wanted to say something. He knew in a situation like this, he needed to not just be silent, but he had no _idea_ where to even begin. What _could_ he say? That entire story was absolutely horrifying, and it drove his hatred for Yanagisawa even further. He needed to be taken out as soon as possible, he knew that much. Was Akari, _Kayano_ , even safe there with him? And those two kids…

"Anyway," he said, "you certainly have some skills, Nagisa, though maybe it's your time to share your intentions. You don't want to kill Karma. You saved his life on that battlefield."

"I-" _how could he even put it?_ "I don't _want_ to kill anyone. But I don't know what to do."

"I think you should speak with Karma," he said steadily. "He won't just order your imprisonment. Something tells me, you should hear him out. Or… you can turn your back on all of this, and escape out into the villages. Think about the life you might have, though, with no plan and only the clothes on your back."

Nagisa nodded, and knew he was right. "Thank you… for helping me, and for telling me everything."

A certain look came across his face. "There's nothing I can do to change that past. But I hope it can help you somehow."

He stood up, and looked from both sides of the room. Somehow, he didn't actually think about it for so long, before he started to walk out the regular way into the castle, instead of taking the tunnels. Nagisa knew that he had to face up to this, because it would haunt him forever if it didn't. And perhaps… Korosensei was right. At the very least, maybe Karma would let him go.

It became very clear Karma hadn't given anyone orders to come after him specifically at the least, because nobody grabbed him and escorted him to the rooms. Though, Nagisa remembered then that he was only wearing his night shift, and walking around like that was definitely not proper. He sped it up, before entering the chambers he'd started to consider his own, only to find Karma sitting almost emotionlessly on the bed, slowly petting a sleeping Potechi.

"You came back," Karma's voice was a little unclear, like he was genuinely surprised about that.

Nagisa made a show of setting his knife down on the table. "I did. Why didn't you tell your guards it was me you're looking for?"

His lips pressed tightly together. "You're not dangerous to me, Nagisa. If you were, there would have been plenty of better opportunities." A hand raked down his face. "Is that even your name?"

Nagisa did his level best to look Karma in the eyes, but the hurt there was hard to process. "Yes, I'm still Nagisa of House Shiota…" he could just say the same as he had to Korosensei, "except my mother announced to the world that I was her first born daughter, instead of a son."

He began to speak, then, whilst Karma sat opposite him and listened. Of course, Nagisa didn't know all the details himself, but he explained how his father's death had supposedly sent his mother into labour, and how she'd barely even let anyone near enough Nagisa to confirm his gender. And then as his old nursemaid had told him, once he was inevitably taken out of his mother's care for just a moment, the truth came to light. How those who'd protested were punished and banished, and the smart ones decided to keep their mouths shut. Though, they'd taken pity on Nagisa in private, allowing him to live more normally in his own rooms. But then, he'd found himself engaged to Karma, and then there they were.

"I didn't know what to tell you," Nagisa said, conveniently leaving out his assassination plans.

Karma took a good long breath. "Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"I mean… you hadn't noticed so far."

"That's… fair, but-"

"I'm sorry, Karma," Nagisa said, and meant it. "I didn't think… it would be like this."

"Neither did I," Karma swallowed. "So you went along with your mother's lies. Is there anything else it would benefit me to know?"

Nagisa got up, then, and his eyes caught the view out of the window. "I saved your life, that day on the battlefield. I… actually know a little about fighting."

"You… Huh?"

He smiled. "There's no such thing as death gods and grim reapers."

Karma just stared at him for a moment, before his eyes went over to the knife again. He went back and forth like that, staring and staring. Nagisa was afraid of what he might say, yet so much more afraid that he'd end up saying nothing at all. Then, he stood up and started to walk aimlessly, as though having a battle with himself in his mind.

"Are you alright?"

"A man who is alright does not pace, Nagisa."

"R-right."

Before he could say anything else, Karma came over to him, and trapped his body right there against the window. Was he planning to toss him out and be done with it?

"Please just let me-"

Karma silenced him with a kiss, though, and that was the most surprising of things. He wasn't prepared, didn't know how to respond. Though he was too wound up in the situation to really feel him, he tried to return the favour in kissing him back as best as he could manage. With everything that had happened between them already though, it was most certainly strange.

He could still throw him out of the window, he supposed, but Karma made no moves to do so. This kiss was different to the others, though, something so wild and purposeful, yet definitely curious. It felt good despite everything, though, as Karma's lips pressed rough against his. It didn't go as far as tongues, but somehow his breath was entirely stolen anyway.

"Okay," Karma said once they broke apart. "No more lies. But I can accept you."

"You… what?"

His eyes were burning fire. "Nobody else knows about this, right? Then, we just continue as we were. I'm not bothered by you."

"You like men?" His gaze narrowed. "I didn't think-"

Nagisa wasn't sure exactly how to tell that sort of thing. For him… it was a weird subject. Despite his mother, he'd always known that he was really a boy. And most the stories his nursemaids had read to him to send him to sleep were about a prince and a princess. They'd even used to tease him, about marrying some pretty noble woman someday. His mother hadn't brought anything up like that, until his engagement to Karma, and it definitely felt weird. Exactly like what he'd spent so many years trying to reject.

"I like _you_ ," Karma stated. "It was never about your body."

"But, what about heirs-"

He stood a little straighter. "We don't need a pregnancy for me to take the throne. Just being married, the promise of one in the future… it'll be enough time for me to secure my position. Until then we can keep up appearances."

"Appearances-"

"It'll be okay," Karma grabbed him by the shoulders, as if to soothe him.

Nagisa felt powerless as Karma embraced him, then, sighing happily as though all was right with the world. Maybe for him, it was. He'd said right away, he never really wanted children. Nagisa tried to hug back, but he couldn't help but stare dissociatively at the wall. Karma wanted him to just live like this, as his wife, forever? Could Nagisa _really_ do that? His heart sunk.


	14. Well, Now Everything Has Changed

Truthfully Nagisa had expected to kill Karma the moment he found out about him.

But their lives had carried on as normal. Though, the absence of Karma's affection struck clear in his heart. Now that Nagisa was just keeping up the façade for others, he was more lost in what to do with himself. The point of him being there was to have children, wasn't it? But Nagisa couldn't even do that. Not that he in any way _wanted_ to do that. Even pretending to be a woman so in depth hadn't given him a desire to become one.

He noticed a shift between them, though. Even though Karma had kissed him and clung to him at first, it seemed like he'd really had the chance to think about things that night. Not that he seemed disgusted by him or anything, which was the best Nagisa supposed that was the best he could hope for. At least Potechi would sleep between them, keeping the peace.

Karma had an excuse to keep himself busy, at least. With no guests to entertain, once again Nagisa had little to do aside from read and play with Potechi. He wondered, as he remained in their chambers trying to pay attention to a book detailing the geographical significance of Yanagisawa's castle, just how long he'd really be able to put up with this.

At least real women were able to have children to keep them busy. And, once they grew up and married off, there would be almost endless events. Not that Nagisa wanted any of that either, not in the slightest. Just as he thought of it, Potechi bounded up to him, nudging his head into Nagisa's lap. Well, Potechi may as well be his baby as it was. Nagisa relaxed a little, scratching him on the head.

"My Lady," one of the servants entered the room, "Lord Karma is taking his dinner today with the council members. We'll have food sent up to you here."

He nodded in acknowledgement, but a weight set in his heart. Could he really live like this forever? Even if Karma didn't mind it… Nagisa wasn't a woman. If he really pretended to be one for the rest of his life, he knew he'd lose himself in the midst of it. No matter what, Nagisa had to remember that. Originally he'd been okay with living like this for an intended period of a few weeks, but it had gotten out of hand.

What was Nagisa even still _doing_ here?

It couldn't be for the way Karma made his heart pound against his chest. Nagisa had to admit it to himself, that maybe he'd fooled himself into feeling this way. It wasn't as though he'd ever had the opportunity to feel for _anybody_ like this before. He was confused, he knew that. But whatever this was, he knew he couldn't dedicate his life to it. And so his thoughts carried him away, through the meal that eventually arrived to him and the silence afterwards.

It wasn't like he had a lot of options, though. Nagisa supposed he knew the castle well enough to escape if it really came down to it… but his heart said something else. Really, he felt like he needed to talk to Karma, though perhaps when the shock of everything settled a little more. Their marriage had never meant to be real, but he still felt like he owed him that.

As if on cue, the door opened, and Karma came through it. He didn't greet Nagisa with anything other than silence, though, going straight through over to remove his heavier day clothes behind the changing screen. He came out quickly, having tossed most of what he was wearing onto the floor carelessly.

"H-how was your meeting with the council?" Nagisa tried.

Karma looked over his shoulder. "Not that interesting. Just talking about supply limits. Your mother will be able to spare the food, if we march via that territory?"

"I don't know anything about her supplies," Nagisa admitted honestly. "But I think she'll honour the alliance."

He sat down on the end of the bed. "It's a good location to take a rest at, thinking about the morale of our troops."

Nagisa tilted his head. "You're planning to march north rather than west?"

A glint came across Karma's face. "The majority of Asano's forces fight under the Yanagisawa banner. If we can take those out first, then the amount of reinforcements will be severely limited. The problem is that Asano will surely start organising his army the moment we start to lay siege… The council is leaning towards leaving as much time as possible before attacking, but considering what they've already pulled, we shouldn't be sitting around."

He closed his book properly, setting it down on the desk. "I was never educated on war, my mother had control over that at least. But even if I had been, I-I don't think I'd be any good at it." Nagisa really didn't know the right thing to say. "Your claim will be more volatile, the more time goes on, right? You- it only stands a chance because of my bloodline, right?"

Karma looked at him curiously. "I would have been capable of taking the throne without our marriage. The Asano's rule isn't exactly popular, but trading one usurper for another in the eyes of some is a complication I know now I'd rather avoid. A miscarriage should be easy to fake for now, if you're worried."

Nagisa stood, then, braving coming towards him to sit at his level. "But what about _afterwards_? A promise can only last so long."

"I'll think on it," he said, stopping the conversation where it was.

It took some restraint for Nagisa to keep his mouth closed. There was something else that Nagisa wanted to say, more about himself, but he shouldn't push his luck. He needed to approach Karma properly on it, especially once he figured out what exactly to do. Until then… the way he felt, too was a mystery.

"It is getting pretty late," Nagisa said.

Karma hummed for a moment, motioning towards the corner of the room. Nagisa turned his head, noticing that Potechi was paying attention to them. He bounded up to Karma, then, practically racing over to get his head stroked. Karma obliged, scratching him behind the ears. Of course, Potechi had grown quite a lot since the first found him in the woods, but it was easy to forget how big he actually was when he reacted like that.

"Was he taken out already this evening?" Karma asked.

Nagisa stood up, deciding that then was as good as time as any to ready himself for the night too. "Yes, one of the servants took him whilst I was eating."

"Those clothes look uncomfortable," Karma commented, noting the way Nagisa was having to struggle with opening the fastenings.

Nagisa folded them neatly, left in only the slip. "They are. I've heard the fashion is worth it, though. It doesn't appeal to me. I-if you think this is bad, you should see some of the things my mother used to make me wear."

"Something Lord Yuuji would find appealing?" He quipped.

A small smile grew on Nagisa's face. "Probably. Maybe there wouldn't have been enough feathers, though."

Karma was really looking at him, though. "I don't know how I didn't see it before."

"Huh?" Nagisa automatically folded his arms around himself in a strange self consciousness.

"You may be completely flat up top, but you're curvy like a woman," he observed, hand reaching out, tracing the length of his waist. "Corsets and padding could disguise that, but there's nothing under here."

Nagisa's breath hitched. "Only my knife."

Karma's hand stilled, but he didn't look scared. Nagisa wasn't sure how exactly to feel, but then Karma tugged him forward, so that his knees landed either side of his thighs. Before he had time to question what was happening, Karma's hand gently went under the skirts, and Nagisa was stunned into remaining still. His hand didn't actually travel far, though, and when he pulled it out again, he realised he'd been slightly blindsided.

"This is a nice weapon," Karma looked at the knife he'd just retrieved. "It's not from Kunugigaoka. Or anywhere close by."

"It was a gift," he somewhat explained. "They told me that eastern steel is better quality."

Karma's eyes drifted up. "If you want to kill someone, maybe. Do you?"

He could hardly breathe. "Not presently."

"But you were wearing it."

"A habit."

They locked gazes for a moment.

"We should rest now," Karma finally said, though his tone was a little uneven. "I have more business with the council tomorrow."

Nagisa swung his legs back to safety, getting into bed as he usually would. "And I?"

"I don't know," Karma joined him, and Potechi also took that as his signal to jump up onto the bed. "You could take Potechi out."

"All day?" Nagisa swallowed. "He's not a child. _Karma_ , we really need to-"

"Sleep," he all but commanded, rolling over to face the wall, and that was that.

Nagisa lay on his back, staring up at the ceiling. He didn't exactly _want_ to face the reality of their situation either. When Karma started snoring in sleep, it just felt even more hopeless. He was going to be driven to literal madness if this went on for any longer. He _couldn't_ just stay in these rooms any longer, reading unimportant books and acting as though he was a woman for the benefits of just a few people.

It took him a while to actually rest, and Karma was already gone by the time he woke up again. Potechi too, surprisingly, which led Nagisa down a route of questioning. Honestly, he would have much rather stayed in bed and hid for the rest of the day. As much as that sounded appealing, he knew it wasn't a good idea.

Nagisa couldn't stand the sight of his own reflection after he splashed his face with warm water. Even when he tied his hair out of the way, he still saw the same rounded and soft face staring back at him. He truly wondered, even if the length were shortened and he wore a man's clothes properly, if he would still easily be taken for a woman.

He wished he didn't look like this, that he'd been allowed to train up his muscles just like every other young boy. Or that he'd gain that kind of stature naturally, as some did with growing up. But Nagisa had remained small and slight, and it didn't look like that was changing. He held himself like a woman, spoke like one, because that was all he'd been _taught_. There was something still adamantly wrong about it, though.

Considering Potechi was nowhere to be found, and that was the one activity Karma has suggested, Nagisa considered what to do with himself. Sick of being cooped up, he decided to venture out into the hallways. And then when that didn't entertain him so much, out into the fresh air. A few people shot him strange looks, though he supposed he was being pretty aimless.

It seemed Karasuma was out too, in the midst of speaking to two subordinates about something. Nagisa tilted his head in curiosity. That meant that there couldn't be a meeting going on _right_ then, at the very least. On important matters of war, Nagisa was sure that Karma would want Karasuma's input. Irina was there, too, just watching. It struck him as a little odd that she was there with him, it didn't seem like the best opportunity to gather intelligence, at least.

That made Nagisa think for a moment though. The plan all along, if he were to kill Karma and be given a certain level of control for a little while, was to pardon Irina of her past crimes in return for the debt of her training him. Although Nagisa wasn't going to kill Karma, he still felt like he should fulfil that part of the deal, or try his absolute best to. Especially if he was going to leave at any moment.

Karma wasn't in a council meeting, and he wasn't out training, so that only really left one place. Nagisa practically picked up his skirts and marched with purpose towards the doors of the biggest hall of the castle, which were open so that anyone could come and present their petitions. Nagisa knew, from the brief time he'd had to stand in for Karma, that some of the things that got brought up were a little ridiculous.

Nagisa held his head high as he could, as he walked into the room, ignoring the seriously strange looks everyone in this castle's moderately sized court were giving him. It was true, that _wives_ of lords didn't typically make public petitions to their husbands. But Nagisa was worried, if he brought it up later, that Karma would brush it off again. There he was though, Potechi by his legs, as he sat in wait.

"My Lord," he lowered his head, and his voice wobbled a little. "I want to make a formal petition for the pardon of my handmaiden Irina."

There were a few murmurs amongst the crowd, but Nagisa attempted to stay with his head held high. There were stranger things he could ask. Karma himself looked confused, even as Rio Nakamura leaned closer to him to whisper something. Perhaps Nagisa could have waited until later, but he really felt like the time had come, now, to tie up all of his loose ends.

"She has been my faithful servant for a long while," Nagisa decided to just keep speaking, considering the lack of response. It felt strange to be so nice about her, but he needed this to be believable. "Although it's not exactly… customary, I feel indebted to her. Her past crimes w-weren't against anyone important enough it wouldn't be in your power to pardon."

Even from their distance, Nagisa could catch the gleam in Karma's eye. "I'll have it done."

"You-" Nagisa's heart leapt inside his chest, but then he remembered himself and bowed his head. "Thank you, My Lord."

Somehow he didn't really feel like he'd won anything, though. No, the more he thought about it, the more his heart fell from the place it had jumped to, and was sinking into his stomach. Getting his _debts_ in order was almost certainly an admission of intent of leaving. He just didn't know how to even start to bring this up, after everything.

 _Was_ he betraying Karma? Somehow, Nagisa felt like he'd agreed to something when he married Karma. The plan all along had been to just eliminate him and move on, not to get attached. _Attached_ , at least, was a word he knew was true. _Fond_. It was so much more than Nagisa had ever expected from marriage, and he hadn't even viewed it as _real_ given the circumstances.

Having returned to their chambers, Nagisa's breaths had turned slightly heavy. A part of him wanted more time to think, but what for? How much more thinking could he do? He needed to be strong, to tell Karma the truth. The longer he waited, the heavier that weight within him grew. If only he could find the words.

"What was that about?" Karma closed the door behind him when he was eventually done for the day, though he remained in its frame.

 _Be strong_ , he told himself. "Irina helped me a great deal… with _everything_. This was my debt to her."

Karma stood, entering the room properly. "Is it paid?"

"It is." His words felt stiff in his mouth, like they didn't belong.

He looked him over. "There's somewhere I want you to come, with me."

"Now?"

There was a look in Karma's eye, and he opened the door, holding it open for him to walk through. Nagisa accepted his fate, and went through it without further question. It seemed like Karma really had planned something, because he easily took the lead, and all he could really do was follow him, even if it did seem like they were headed towards the dungeons. Why did Nagisa feel like he was being walked to his execution?

Nagisa was surprised, though, to find there were no guards. It wasn't like Karma's prisons were particularly full of dangerous criminals, but it still registered as strange to him. What was Karma's plan? He felt like stopping to ask right then, but apparently Karma had found what he needed as they stopped, and then a young looking girl stepped out of the shadows.

"Go ahead," Karma gestured her. "Tell your story."

The girl looked frightened out of her wits, clutching at her long reddish hair. "Lady Nagisa! I'm… sorry for taking up your time… I-I live in a village just north of here, I don't imagine you'll know it, what business would a noble lady have with a place like that-"

"Fumiko," Karma said, voice somewhat harsh, "continue."

"Right!" She flushed, though. "M-my Lady, I am unwed, yet I've become with child. My parents have tossed me out, and I have no way of earning enough to feed a child."

Karma stood straight. "She resembles you somewhat, doesn't she? And the father?"

"Tall," she nodded. "Handsome. Eyes blue like the southern sea."

"Karma…" Nagisa didn't like where it was going.

He just walked over to her, though, handing her what appeared to be a bag of gold. "This should be more than enough for now. We'll make contact again soon, but it's time for you to go now. You remember the way you came?"

Her eyes flicked between them nervously, before accepting it and bowing, then hitching up her skirts to scamper out of the way as though she was in danger. Nagisa was even more confused about that interaction, how Karma had even _found_ such a woman. A thought struck in Nagisa's mind, but he didn't want to let himself belief it was what Karma was actually suggesting.

"What's this about, Karma?"

He looked odd, with the serious look that was plastered across his face. "Not here. We'll go back to our private rooms, now."

Nagisa definitely didn't have a choice in that one, and his head was swirling. Thankfully, the walk back was quick. It seemed that Karma must have a lot on his mind too. Nagisa wasn't that relieved, though, once they _were_ in private and the door was shut again. In fact, moments passed before either of them gathered the nerve to say anything.

"I don't _care_ about passing on my bloodline physically," Karma finally said. "If I had any real choice, I wouldn't want children at all. We agreed to that, before the wedding."

Nagisa stared at the floor. "Yes. But heirs will be important eventually."

"You've faked two courses of bleeding so far," Karma continued. "How hard would it be to fake a pregnancy? That girl's child is probably going to end up on the streets or worse, anyway. Or if not Fumiko, then another girl in the same situation will come along. We'll just take the baby once it's born, and raise it as our own. As long as there's an _heir_ , then everything else falls into place."

A chill went through his whole body. "W-what about physicians? Midwives? If the entire kingdom ends up falling into your hands, there'll need to be proof that the heir to it is actually legitimate."

Karma just waved him off. "There's excuses. _Money_. You could be sent far away for your 'health', if people really started to question it."

"You want that, then?" Nagisa was shaking. "You want me to stay here and act as your wife forever?"

Karma tilted his head. "Why not? The truth will make it more difficult, I know, but nothing has to actually change."

His chance was slipping away. "I'm not a _woman_ , though!"

"I know," Karma actually softened. "The reason I stopped trying to chase you away was because you weren't like the other girls I'd met. Now that I know why… The way I feel is the same. And I know you weren't lying when you had all of that talk about loyalty and following me into battle."

He felt so broken. "My heart _wasn't_ lying but-"

"Don't you see?" Karma took his hands. "This is a way that we can be together." Then, his mood shifted. "Don't back out now, Nagisa…"

If only he could just scream. "Ka-"

A knock came to the door.

It was a little unusual, for anybody to visit private chambers at that hour of night. What followed, though, was even more strange, because a messenger just burst in. Nagisa was immediately taken aback, because the only time it would be appropriate for that sort of thing was if it were a real emergency.

"Forgive me," he lowered his head and removed his hat, "but I have vital news."

"What is it?" Karma asked.

A grave look came over his face. "Lady Hiromi Shiota is dead."


	15. Beautifully Unfinished

"You should take dinner in the main hall."

Karma's voice cut through the silence like the sharpest of his blades. He couldn't help the way he flinched. He hadn't even noticed that Karma was standing there. Maybe he'd only just entered the room, or maybe he'd been watching. Nagisa didn't really care what Karma did, not at that point. It didn't seem like he should have much time to just stand around and watch him. Not when he had all of this new land to manage.

"Everyone's accepted you're in mourning," Karma further explained, "but you should still show yourself."

Nagisa finally turned his head. "I'm not so hungry."

"You could come sit, though," he came closer to him. "I'm not trying to pressure you."

Not intentionally, maybe. Nagisa didn't know why he was acting like this, though, in all honesty. The news of his mother's death had been shocking, and he was definitely feeling some kind of emotion about it, but he was pretty certain it wasn't grief. Had he not been married to Karma, he might have even felt a sense of relief, of freedom.

"Alright," he said, "I'll come."

He wasn't sure if it was for show, the way Karma took him carefully by the hand. Even in the best of circumstances, Nagisa didn't really enjoy big dinners. Given that Karma had been injured, or incredibly busy with war plans for most of their marriage, he hadn't had to experience a lot of them in this castle.

He felt a certain kind of emptiness when they took their seats, the small court giving him curious looks. Perhaps there was even sympathy in some of their gazes, but Nagisa felt uncomfortable. Even when food was brought out, he still didn't want to eat it. Other than that they were the picture of expectations. A grieving wife and a busy husband.

Except, he didn't _want_ to be Karma's wife. He didn't want to sit and play the role of a united couple so that Karma could sort through his new lands. Lands that should have been _Nagisa's_ the day he was born, and should _especially_ be his now. Not that Nagisa cared about his family name, or being in charge of those lands. In fact, it was something he'd long accepted he wouldn't be good at. It was more… the principal of it all. None of this was Nagisa's choice, _that_ had been taken from him.

Like a storm flurry that had finally settled, he knew right then that he couldn't live with it. Even if that meant living with _nothing_. He was going to end up suffocating like this… but being free wasn't simple either. Wasn't Nagisa a prisoner? Karma might not treat him like one, but Nagisa knew that there were a lot of things he couldn't do, a lot of things that kept him in the castle.

Nagisa knew right then that he was going to leave.

But when? _How_? He didn't want to harm Karma with his, though he supposed his feelings were inevitable. There was no way Karma was going to be happy about it. Nagisa just had to pray he wouldn't make it hard, that he cared for him enough to _understand_ , to let him go… If not, Nagisa didn't even _know_ what he was going to have to do.

"I wish to return to our chambers," he uttered, the moment Karma was done eating.

He looked at Nagisa, somewhat taken aback. Thankfully, he just nodded, and excused the both of them. Karma hadn't really needed to do that, and Nagisa felt uncomfortable. He felt like he owed Karma a lot as it was, and he wasn't eager at all to add to that debt. No, that would just make this part, leaving, even harder.

"I need to talk with you," he said the moment they were in private.

Karma remained still. "What about?"

Nagisa gulped, because this could be the end of everything. "I want to leave here."

There was an uncomfortable stillness between them. Well, there hadn't been a much better way he could say it. Nagisa had had to assume that Karma would prefer to take it straight, without any kind of softening of the truth. But perhaps he'd miscalculated, because Karma just stood there, processing it for longer than he should have.

"It's understandable," he said eventually.

 _That_ , he hadn't been expecting. "R-really?"

"Of course," he shrugged. "Even when my parents died, I used to sit outside their old bedroom door sometimes at night. If staying at your old home will make you feel better, then there's no reason not to. Our armies should march directly through those lands, anyway."

There was something in Karma's entire demeanour that made Nagisa's heart shatter further. Was it reasonable obliviousness, or straight up denial? Nagisa was well aware of his intelligence, of course, and he knew that Karma was capable of a whole manner of things… but something didn't seem quite right with the way their conversation was going at all.

"I meant permanently," he tried to say firmly, though there was a wobble in his voice. "Karma… I can't live like this."

"Live like what?"

Frustration rose within him. "A girl! I-I know this isn't your fault, I was doing what my mother forced me to, but I'm _free_ of that now. I _can't_ just be your wife. I can't eventually fake a pregnancy and pass children off like I created them. I can't keep dressing and acting like a woman to everyone except from you. No… even if I could, I won't."

The silence was even more deafening, as it washed over Karma's face. That time, though, Nagisa could hear his own heartbeat rising, and it made his head feel like it would spin off his shoulders. He knew Karma wasn't going to take it _well_. But what other choice did Nagisa have? Surely this was better than just fleeing into the night.

"I won't let you," he said quietly.

Overwhelmed, the hint of a tear slipped out of the corner of his eye. "You don't have a choice."

Nagisa hated it. He didn't like the emotional wordplay part of plotting at all. But whether he'd really meant to or not, Karma was outmanoeuvred. Concealing his gender was something only he was able to control. There was no way Karma could pass him off as a normal wife without his going along with it. The only way he'd stand a chance is if he locked Nagisa up in one of the dungeons, which was a real danger, but Nagisa had to hope he wouldn't take it that far.

"What are you still here for, then?" Karma took a seat, the calm is his voice obviously fake. "You've made up your mind. You clearly know a way out of this castle. It would have been easier to just run away."

"I wanted to talk to you," he said, feeling cold even as the words left his mouth.

Karma didn't even look at him. "You've talked."

"I-I hoped that you cared enough to let me go."

There was no response to that, either, so Nagisa made himself steady on his feet. He had more loose ends to tie here, than just with Karma himself. Perhaps talking to him first had been a slight mistake, but leaving him until last would have felt ingenuine. Like he was _really_ trying to hide something. If only he could melt into a puddle on the ground.

"You're going now?" Karma's head perked up the moment it seemed Nagisa was even considering leaving.

"Not the castle," he said, "not right now."

Karma didn't stop him on the way out of the room.

Once he was in the hallway, though, it occurred to Nagisa that he didn't know what to do. He'd meant it, when he said he didn't want to permanently leave right then, but honestly it might have been the easier option. Still, he didn't feel like he was completely done yet. Although he'd fulfilled his side of the deal, somehow he felt like he owed it to himself to actually talk to Irina. The original plan had been to escape together and _then_ go their separate ways, after all.

Somehow, though, he ended up at someone else's doorway. Well, Korosensei knew the most about his situation, and Nagisa felt that he might have the answers. Or at the very least, some kind of suggestion. He did feel a little bit foolish, though, waiting to knock outside his door. Thankfully he opened up straight away.

"Ah, Nagis-"

"Can I come in?" He didn't mean to sound threatening, but there was no hiding the haste in his tone.

Korosensei immediately moved aside. "Of course."

Nagisa chose not to waste any time, speaking freely the moment the door had closed. There was a lot to catch him up on, and Nagisa knew he was somewhat losing track of himself. The main point was that he didn't know what to do, and he needed an opinion that was less emotionally involved. Korosensei's calm demeanour helped a lot, as he just sat there and listened.

"I don't want to hurt him further," Nagisa finished miserably.

Korosensei hummed. "If he truly cares for you, then hurting yourself in staying will only end up hurting him too."

"Then what should I do?"

"The only way," he said, "that you can leave here whilst having the least effect on Karma, is if you were to die."

Nagisa gaped. " _Die_?"

He beamed, as though Nagisa had merely answered correctly during a normal tutoring session. "Not permanently of course. That medical assistant… she's quite handy with her elixirs. If we can find something that gives you the appearance of death for some time, then there'll be no reason to come looking for you. You'll have your freedom… but where will you go?"

That was the other difficult question. Free didn't automatically mean safe. And Nagisa… was aware of how much he'd been sheltered. He didn't know basic things like how to find shelter, how to even _survive_ when things weren't handed to him. It wouldn't be smart, to just go out into the world without any kind of plan. He looked at Korosensei, then, but a strange idea sprung forth.

"Assassins usually don't just come to be," he said. "You, as the Reaper… you're known for operating alone. But Irina told me of a place she was brought to in the east as a child, where she was raised and trained."

There was a strange, almost pitiful look on his face. "You'll become an assassin? That's… not an easy road. It's a life without much luxury, no friends or family-"

"I have no family," Nagisa said, his tone heavy. "And there might be nowhere else for me to go. I could be good at killing."

He looked down. "It's not an easy ride. The thing with assassins _guilds_ is that they're very well hidden. Perhaps your handmaiden knows more specifics to the exact location, but it won't be too far from a port. Just beyond the grasslands… most of your books won't talk about the settlements there, outside of Kunugigaoka's territory, but there's thriving society."

"North east?" Nagisa guessed.

"You will not have an easy time," Korosensei repeated. "But I fear you're right, Nagisa. As long as you're certain… Let me know when you want to set things in motion."

When he left, the night time breeze hitting him in the far more spacious hallway, he felt just a little more determined. Now his steps had direction, and lead him towards an open window. The weather was good, at least, which meant the sky was clear. He wasn't the best at navigation, but he knew which way he would have to head.

It made him more confident about arriving in Irina's chambers, despite the late hour. Not that he'd known her to have any kind of regular sleep pattern. He still braced himself, though, just in case she wasn't so happy to see him at that time. Which was probably the most likely option anyway, given her personality.

"Nagisa?" She looked more surprised than anything.

"We can't talk here," he looked around nervously. He had more faith in the security of Korosensei's room, somehow.

Irina grumbled to herself in complaint, but it was clear she could tell it was serious, so she did follow him. Despite the slightly late hour, it wasn't completely unusual for him to be walking around with his handmaiden. His behaviour in general had probably been seen as erratic by most people in their court as it was, and he supposed reputation wasn't even important anymore.

"I've fulfilled my part of the deal," Nagisa said, once they were 'taking a stroll' outside. "I need to leave."

Irina stood still for a moment, before her shoulders relaxed. "You're finally gonna man up and finish the job?"

"Not exactly…" Nagisa swallowed. "I have a plan."

"Oh," she raised an eyebrow. "A plan, huh?"

"Are you still planning to run, too?"

She looked taken aback by it. The thing was, Nagisa knew that just as he had, Irina had started to form a comfortable life here. Now she wasn't a prisoner… maybe she would actually be able to live it. Nagisa wasn't sure if that was really her style, though. In all the time he'd known her, he'd never quite figured out how to predict her thoughts.

"Good luck," she said. " _Your_ court was a bore, but here? It's quite comfortable. I'll move on when I get tired of it."

 _Quite comfortable with Karma's chief guard too_ , Nagisa thought, though he didn't voice it. He was happy for her, really. At least she would be getting a shot at a good, normal life. If that was something she really wanted, though, then that's all that mattered. Even if Nagisa was in the best of circumstances, he wasn't sure that was something for _him_.

"I might have one more thing to ask you," he said. "About the man who trained you."

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Nagisa did his best to summarise his plans, and though Irina was interested, he could tell she was also sceptical. "But I need to be able to find them. I thought… you might know where they are. More than anyone."

"I can't help you much there," she said easily. "It's something you learn how to find. But," she let out a heavy breath, "I can point you in the right direction. Lovro will help you, if you show him the dagger I gave you."

Nagisa returned to his own chambers with a heavy heart. Even though he had a direction, the other realities of his situation remained. Karma was actually already asleep, though his face didn't look so peaceful. Potechi had chosen to curl up in the corner, rather than on the mattress with him, which further gave Nagisa the feeling of something being deeply wrong.

He removed his shoes, though, and simply lay down next to Karma. It had felt so alien to lie with him at first, but over the weeks Nagisa had gotten used to it, been _comfortable_ to have Karma at his side. Even if it was for the last time, he wished he could enjoy the peace between them that came at night, but he was aware that had passed.

Karma was sitting on the end of the bed, when he eventually woke up. That surprised Nagisa a little, because he didn't usually stick around like that. He was just still, though, turned away from him. Even slightly groggy from being asleep, Nagisa knew he had to do something. Even if he was sure that talking much more wouldn't fix it.

"You're still here," Karma said for him, when he realised Nagisa had woken up.

Nagisa swallowed. "I told you I didn't want to just run away."

"Maybe you should," he said.

"Karma," he scooted forwards, so that Karma had to look him in the eye whether he wanted to or not. "I don't want to make this any harder then it already is. I-I actually have a plan, if you'll help me with it."

He turned. "Plan?"

"We should fake my death. The lands you wanted from me… they're still yours, no matter what happens to me. You said yourself, you don't _need_ me to take over the crown. If there's no living legitimate heirs, anyway, it's an even battle."

Karma's fist clenched. "It won't be so easy to just fake it."

"Korosensei suggested some kind of drug," he tried, "that will give me the appearance of death for a short time. That's the best way to do it, I think. There's plenty of ways I could be slipped out of the castle passageways, then I can leave through the village."

"What if you never woke up?" Karma said. "Is… staying here worse than death?"

He took his hand. "I have to _try_. This will be… a lot easier for both of us if you help. Do you _care_ for me?" He got out.

Karma let go of him. "I'll hear what Korosensei has to say."

It didn't take long for Korosensei to arrive at their chambers with a knowing look in his eye. Along with him was Manami Okuda, the girl who had been so helpful to Karma whilst he was injured. She looked completely nervous, even with Korosensei right beside her. Somehow he understood that, though, this must be a somewhat intimidating experience for her.

"We've discussed what I know about poisons, combined with Manami's knowledge of medicine," he started.

She bowed her head nervously. "I-I think this elixir will work best. It will put you into a-a kind of _sleep_ for around a day. But your heart will be so slow… you could mistake it for death."

"You should take it at night time," Korosensei said. "That'll allow time for the death to be announced, and you can slip out after dark."

Karma finally cleared his throat, looking Manami directly in the eye. "Can this hurt him?"

Blood rushed to her face. "O-only if he takes too much! But I already made sure it was the right quantity."

He took the vial from her. "Please leave us."

Nagisa's heart felt like it might jump out of his chest. Even the prospect of things starting to go well for him made him feel better. _Finally_ , the one thing he'd wanted all his life was going to happen. There was nothing, he realised then, that meant more to him than that. To _finally_ live. But he would be going without Karma.

"It's the only way," Nagisa said quietly.

Karma just looked down. "We'll do it tonight."

Something odd struck him about Karma. Granted, he hadn't known him for all that long at all, but he knew he wasn't acting like himself. Nagisa had at least expected more anger, or for him to at least say or do _something_. But instead, Karma was like that, like he'd been _defeated_. It was the _last_ way Nagisa wanted to leave things. It didn't look like there was much he could do about that, though. Even Potechi looked bothered, perhaps reading the energy between them.

"I think Potechi wants to be let out," he said.

Karma didn't reply at all, so Nagisa just motioned the wolf in silence, leading him the way out of the room. Nagisa didn't have any real goodbyes left to say, but he did think about this castle that had housed him. It hadn't been the worst place to stay at all, even if he hadn't been himself throughout. A part of him knew he was going to miss its comforts.

He felt a deep sadness, as Potechi happily ran around him, practically basking in the fresh air. It struck Nagisa then that he was going to have to leave him behind too, surely. Nagisa barely knew where he was going, and he probably wouldn't be able to take enough supplies to feed the both of them. He couldn't uproot everything. He only wished he could really _explain_ that to Potechi, even if it seemed kind of stupid.

The melancholy meant that the rest of his day passed alarmingly quickly. Honestly he'd thought it would go slower, since he was waiting for something now, but it was merely the blink of an eye. If he somehow lived through all of this, would his time here feel the same? Just a passing moment before the real start of his life?

The most important thing Nagisa knew was that he couldn't do anything considered suspicious. If this was going to go smoothly, and he'd be able to convince the whole court of his death… he definitely couldn't be seen hanging around aimlessly alone. A part of him really didn't feel ready, to face Karma for the last time.

"Please take him for some food," Nagisa said, as he passed the servants closest to his chambers.

At least used to Potechi, rather than frightened, he nodded. "Of course, My Lady."

Nagisa wondered if that was the last time somebody would address him like that. Though, he supposed he was never going to get 'My Lord' either. But maybe being plain Nagisa wouldn't be so bad after all. House Shiota was already at an official dead end, completely killed off. Nagisa didn't feel much attachment to the Akabane name he occupied either, though. No, Nagisa of No House would do.

"Oh," Nagisa said, when he realised immediately he wouldn't be alone, "you're already here."

Karma looked up at him. "Would you rather I wasn't?"

"I'd rather you speak freely," he said. "I don't want to remember you like this."

"You want the truth?" A mad fire danced in Karma's eyes, and he shot to his feet at once, his much more intimidating height causing Nagisa to subconsciously back up against the wall. "I _hate_ this. Everything about it. Who do you think you are, huh? You really think _you_ can survive the outside world? You've barely even stepped _foot_ in it. And that's if you even live through whatever kind of elixir they've cooked up. Manami is talented but she's never been properly trained and Korosensei is an _assassin_. He makes people _stay_ dead."

"I'm not weak," Nagisa's voice trembled, but he found it. "I saved your lif-"

What he wasn't expecting was for Karma to dart down, claiming his lips. He was too unprepared to stop him, though it wasn't a particularly _nice_ kiss. It wasn't really rough either, however, not like Karma was trying to make some kind of point. It felt more like some kind of deep routed desperation, and Nagisa had no idea how to take it.

"I don't want you to go," Karma's tone was quiet when they broke apart, small.

"If there was a way," he said, "a way that made sense to stay here and for me to live as the person I really am, I _would_ , Karma. But there isn't. You know there isn't, otherwise you'd have already come up with it."

He turned his head away, staring at the ground. "Why couldn't you say something sooner? Before I started to feel…"

Nagisa knew then he had to do something, because his heart too was crumbling right there. Perhaps it would have been easier if they'd both been spared from this. But right then, Nagisa needed to show Karma something he couldn't with his words. He reached for his cheek, shifting onto his tiptoes to kiss his lips again.

It felt somewhat like being woven back together. Almost immediately, Karma changed his own weight, sliding a hand against the small of Nagisa's back to support him, as he leant down better. Nagisa wished he could forget everything else, and for a moment of bliss he almost actually did. There was so much wrong in the way he felt, but _this_ felt right.

He almost wished he'd realised how effective this method of communication was sooner. He wound his arms around Karma's neck, pulling then even closer together and Karma's own grip tightened. Just a small part of Nagisa's awareness remained, the tiniest voice trying to scream out that he'd be swallowed whole if he wasn't careful. It didn't win out, though.

At some point, they mutually became rougher, grabbing and pressing at each other with more determination. A familiar heat rose up within Nagisa, but he didn't feel particularly anxious about it anymore. He didn't really have time to, matching the movements of Karma's lips, tongue, his everything.

It wasn't clear who exactly pushed who, but all of a sudden the back of Nagisa's legs met the back of the bed. Karma's weight fell on top of him, though he didn't have time to feel the pain from it. Their lips had become disconnected for a moment, but they chased after each other again, almost immediately finding relief.

Karma's hands tugged at his garments, pulling him in, and Nagisa allowed it, welcomed it. His heat was travelling southwards, though every each of him that touched Karma burned up like a fever. Instinctually, he knew he wanted him closer, so he pressed Karma's hands further towards the fastenings of his dress, as clear as he could make it that it was okay.

He only hesitated for a moment, before untying his grown and tossing it into the corner. He would never be needing it again. Feeling bold, he did the same with Karma's over and undershirt, leaving his chest bare. To do so, they'd had to stop kissing, and Nagisa's breaths started to catch up with him, along with the reality of their circumstances.

It wasn't as if he'd never seen Karma without a shirt before. Nagisa had spent countless nights sleeping beside him just like that, but it was clearly different. A sharp memory reminded him of a time _before_ , when this had happened. It struck fear in him for a moment, even though he knew he had nothing to fear. Karma already knew the truth about him.

Apparently he didn't care either, because he easily slotted himself between Nagisa's legs, lips moving to his neck. That allowed Nagisa to breathe out heavily, as a certain kind of pressure grew. Karma shifted, then, and finally there was some real friction. Nagisa's head slammed down onto the pillow as his back arched, chasing the sensation.

Karma complied, clutching his body tight as he purposely ground down. Nagisa exhaled heavily, grabbing onto his arm just so he had something to hold. Any sense he had left had completely abandoned him, but that didn't even seem to matter anymore. Right then, all he really wanted to do was feel.

"Nagisa," Karma's breath tickled against his neck, hands shaking too. "This feels-"

It would be his last night with Karma. He was going to have to run to the ends of the earth for the price of his freedom, even if it was _worth_ it… He couldn't ignore that what he felt right there was real. Just as real as the weight of Karma's body on top of him, the tingle of their chests pressed together, almost skin to skin. And that feeling had a limit, it was going to slip away from him. It might very well be the last time he would _ever_ see Karma.

"Keep going," he said, voice steadier than he thought possible. "I want whatever you'll give me."

There was a strange look in Karma's eye. "How far?"

Nagisa sat up a little, then. "How far is there?" Blood rushed to his face. "I-I don't know much-"

"Me neither," Karma said, a little too quickly. Then, quieter, "I wasn't so keen on siring bastards."

Of course, Nagisa _did_ know how it worked. Irina had given him a very in depth explanation, back when he had every intention to _kill_ Karma during the process. Since it was an assassins lesson, he'd been detached from the actual feeling of it. Nagisa hadn't really known… he could want someone in the way he wanted Karma right then. Even if that want was an abstract thing he struggled to form into words. He was essentially clueless when it came to the reality.

"This touching is nice," he said.

Karma appeared to be thinking, though. "I do know… there are ways. Some women do it to avoid getting pregnant, but-"

He reached out for Karma's face, then, adjusting his gaze so their eyes met. "I trust you, Karma."

"Stay here," he swallowed, and surprisingly got off the bed.

Nagisa didn't move, but he was curious. He wasn't aware that they were going to need anything… though he didn't actually know what Karma had in mind. Given how good everything else had felt, though, he really did trust him. He wanted to the chance to feel it, feel everything… even if it was just going to be once.

He came back into view, a small jug in his hands. It took Nagisa a moment, but he recognised it as regular ointment, just used to soften the skin after a normal day's work. Karma set it down beside the bed, though, so Nagisa wasn't immediately sure why he'd brought it. He paused for a moment, before climbing back on top of him, a knee either side of his legs.

"Ready?"

A part of him wasn't really sure, but he knew he wanted to try. So he just nodded, and Karma reached for the end of his night dress, pushing it up and off. Nagisa shifted to help him, the friction of fabric against his skin making him shiver, though he was glad to have it away. Losing the clothing didn't make him feel any cooler, though, not with the mutual heat coming from both their bodies.

It was certainly the first time he'd been naked in front of Karma. The first time he'd really been naked in front of _anyone_. For a moment, Karma just looked at him, and he felt incredible conscious of himself. Knowing he was a man was one thing, but really seeing it… That's where Karma's eyes ended up fixating, anyway, where he was clearly hard.

"Ah," Nagisa sounded out without really meaning to, when Karma's hand swooped down and gripped him there.

"Good?" He said, rubbing him in a way that almost made Nagisa choke on his breath.

"Wait," he said, and Karma gave him a questioning look. "This feels unfair."

Karma didn't seem to know what he meant, so Nagisa leant up, dipping his thumbs below the waist of his trousers. His breath hitched, so Nagisa continued, tugging them down and off, discarded with the rest of their clothes. His own erection sprung free, and though that stuck his nerves, he knew he wanted to touch him too.

He didn't get the chance, though, because Karma stopped him, catching his wrist. Nagisa was a little confused, until Karma pushed it back, pinning it down above his head. He used the opportunity to lean in closer, lips settling against his neck. Nagisa was sensitive there, so he shivered at the feeling, tilting his head to give better access.

Karma's other hand migrated from between his legs to his chest, dragging up the length of his torso. He let out another sound, when his thumb brushed against his nipple. Nagisa hadn't realised he was so sensitive there before, to the point it was almost a little uncomfortable, too much. In fact, everything was starting to get intense.

Whether he really meant to or not, his hips kept shifting in search of more friction, and then finally their groins somewhat lined up. Karma groaned lightly, then, and Nagisa responded in kind. Something was sparking up within him, and he was going to be taken over by it. He didn't know exactly what it was that he wanted, only that he wanted more.

"Hang on," Karma pulled away like it pained him, and shifted to stick his fingers in the jar, coating them in what looked like oil.

Nagisa was about to ask what he was doing with it, but then he yanked his legs open, and he didn't even know what to say. Karma skipped out on his erection entirely, pressing the fingers right up against his back exit. Or, he turned his head to the side with embarrassment, maybe entrance would be a better word in these circumstances.

He forced himself to remember that he'd elected to trust Karma, who seemed to know a little bit more about what they were doing than he did. It felt strange, but not bad. Subconsciously he clenched and unclenched, shying away from the feeling a little, but there was something that made him want. Pressure came though, when Karma actually inserted one of the fingers, and though it didn't hurt, it was certainly strange.

"What are you-"

"Relax," he withdrew his finger. "You're not like a girl back here."

"Well I should hope no-"

Karma cut him off with a kiss, then. At first Nagisa was confused by the sudden change, but he melted into it almost instantly. When Karma's finger returned, simply rubbing him that time, Nagisa was too distracted to do much about it. He tried his best to relax, as he pushed it in once more. It definitely didn't feel _good_ , but with everything else going on it didn't really matter.

"Is it working?" Karma pulled away from his lips for long enough to ask.

Nagisa tried to catch his breath. "What's it supposed to do?"

He swallowed. "Get looser? So… it won't hurt."

There was a flush on Karma's cheeks, which lead Nagisa to pull him down into a kiss again. He was experiencing this odd whole body confusion, but he knew in an instinctual way that he wanted Karma then. If Karma meant… he wanted them to be joined… Nagisa was in no way to object. If anything he tugged Karma closer, spread his legs wider.

"Show me," he said.

Karma kissed the corner of his mouth once, before pulling back, shifting up so he was sat on his knees. Nagisa watched curiously, though complied when Karma tugged at his legs, getting him into the right position for it apparently. He was nervous, but no real fear went through him then. He breathed out one last time, and then let himself feel.

He pushed into him carefully, at least. It wasn't exactly slow, in fact he was sure immediately he'd bitten off more than he could chew. The width of Karma's erection was so much more than that of his finger, even if the oils had helped him slide in easy enough. Nagisa did his best not to resit it, though the sensation wasn't a natural one.

Although he didn't feel much _pain_ , he thrashed desperately, legs squeezing tight around Karma's hips in a signal to stay there for a second. It burned, in a way he knew would end up sore, but mostly it was just pressure. Every other inch of him, though, was full of feeling. Karma seemed to get that, his hand sliding up against Nagisa's hip, moving to grip his erection again.

Another moan was stolen from him, then. Nagisa wasn't _completely_ innocent to that kind of sensation, but it had never been like that. He keened into it, barely even noticing that the discomfort was starting to fade. He was still aware, though, that Karma wasn't really doing anything for himself. He wondered if it felt good for him, though that question was answered shortly when he could feel Karma twitch inside him.

Nagisa meant to tell him it was okay, but all he got out was " _Karma_."

Karma moved his hands and gripped his hips tightly, digging his fingers in hard, and then he started to move. It was still slow and careful, which Nagisa was grateful for. The burn did come back, but there was something else there. He was sensitive, and Karma's length rubbing his insides was at the very least pleasant. He found himself rocking his hips back into it, his own hands moving to clutch the bedsheets.

It took them a moment to find a rhythm. Immediately after which, apparently Karma wasn't satisfied, because he suddenly shifted forwards, elbows bearing his weight so that he was leaning over Nagisa again. There was concentration in his eyes, though it was hard to see with his hair hanging down.

Nagisa gasped at one particularly good movement, his hand moving to Karma's forearm, before he clutched his back. Somehow he just _knew_ that he wanted him closer. His own hips started moving too, meeting Karma's almost automatically. There was something… his thighs squeezed around Karma's waist one more time, and his head fell back with a cry.

He really _understood_ it, then. The poetry, the pictures, even the hushed gossip around court. A part of him knew he might end up yearning for this for the rest of his life, because it was more than good. Karma seemed attuned to the change, purposely shifting his position to aim for that again. His weight dropped completely, barely even holding his weight anymore as he ground into _that_ spot.

Nagisa thrashed, unable to contain himself. His toes curled, and he scrambled for something to hold onto. Karma didn't seem to mind, that he was digging his back. He panted, but it was mostly Nagisa making the noise. He couldn't help it, unable to really put words to his pleasure. It somehow didn't feel enough, though like he was at the edge of something.

"More," he eventually said, " _Karma_ -"

Karma groaned, shifting back up a little so he could go harder. Nagisa's eyelids fluttered, before he eventually decided to just close them, concentrating on the sensation instead. The tingles, like tiny fireworks inside him, travelled from his crotch down through his legs. He _wanted_.

It wasn't just about the physical feeling of it, though. He was glad to be in Karma's arms. Nagisa forced himself to open his eyes, looking up at him. He'd never thought he'd have the chance to feel like this in his life. There had been something building between he and Karma for a little while, and whilst they were connected it was amplified.

What other feeling was there than love?

"Nagisa," he choked out, "I'm-"

"Don't stop," he said. "Please-"

Karma locked up, before moaning deeply as his hips sped up with no real defined pace. Nagisa held on tightly, so close to falling over the edge too. He felt his release inside him, which surprised him a little, but the initial warmth wasn't unpleasant. Moments later, Karma collapsed on top of him, but not before reaching between their bodies to jerk and Nagisa's then practically painful erection again.

He snapped pretty quickly like that. He didn't have time to actually warn Karma it was coming, since it surprised him too. It was an intense, whole body sensation that seemed to last for _minutes_ , though he was pretty certain it couldn't have actually been that long. His ears were ringing, though, even as he came down from it.

"Karma," Nagisa strained, realising just how much of Karma's weight was collapsed on top of him. "Can't… breathe…"

Karma didn't reply to him in words, but he did move his weight, pulling out of him as he did so to collapse at his side. The more Nagisa's heartbeat slowed back down to normal, the more he realised he felt kind of sticky and sore. Karma didn't reach over to hold him, instead just stared up at the ceiling. Should he say something?

A few moments passed before Karma rolled out of bed again, returning with a wash cloth. Nagisa hadn't expected him to take care of him like that, but even the cool water felt good against his stomach, and then between his legs as Karma cleaned up the remainder of both their releases. It tickled a little, but even though he was hypersensitive, it felt nice.

He blinked slowly afterwards, wondering just how long they'd been going for. "We're probably running out of time. I should take the elixir soon."

He could even feel Karma stiffen. "Hm."

"Karma," Nagisa said, his throat tight. "Karma, were you trying to change my mind?"

For a very long moment, he said nothing. "I'll take it it didn't work."

"I can't love you as a wife," Nagisa started to pull his light undergown on, realising that it might very well be for the last time. "If I could be with you, and still be the person I really I am, I _would_ , but-"

"I know that," he snapped. "I know it's a ridiculous thing to ask of you."

He faced him, to find he was already sat up, pulling on his own discarded bottoms. "Then _don't_ ask."

"I won't," Karma paced over, then, planting the bottle in his hands. "I won't, but that doesn't mean I don't disagree. If this is your only way, then I'll go with it."

Nagisa stared at the bottle. "You're sure of the plans?"

Karma's hand came down on top of his. "Once your death has been announced and your body seen by enough people, you'll be moved from the infirmary to the passageways. From there, you can make your escape."

He nodded. Somehow, there wasn't a lot else he had left to say. How could there be? He tried his best to stand still, and pressed the bottle to his lips. Once the elixir was in his mouth, he just about noticed it had no real flavour, before he swallowed it down in one go. His throat burnt a little, in a way that certainly wasn't pleasant.

"How do you feel?" Karma asked.

Nagisa blinked. "Maybe I should sit-"

Everything went black at once.

* * *

The first thing Nagisa felt was uncomfortable stiffness, as though he'd slept far too long.

His body was cold, but rather than being completely alone, he felt what was most definitely body heat. It was nice, so he leant into it a bit, before the rest of his brain started to wake up. He was supposed to be alone in the castle tunnels, not being carried by someone. Thankfully, that someone had also brought a candle to help guide them.

"Karma?" Nagisa strained. Had something gone wrong?

"We're almost there," he said. "Is this the way you came out during that battle?"

His eyes tried to adjust. "Maybe?"

"Can you stand?" Karma attempted to put him on his feet, although he was holding most of his weight.

He was certainly unsteady, but able to take a step. He decided to cling to the stone walls instead of Karma, finding firm support as his body truly started to wake up. Nagisa was sure he'd manage to walk the rest of the way. Not that there seemed to be much walking, because the sound of other footsteps completely stopped.

Wait.

"Why is Potechi here?" He wasn't exactly unhappy to see him, but certainly confused. The wolf bound up to him though, apparently ready for whatever it was Karma had planned.

"He wouldn't leave you alone," Karma said. "Now come on."

His body still felt weak, but he made it up, Karma following with the young wolf. The storage room they'd entered into was lit only by the candle Karma had brought, but he could easily make out a small pile that was out of place. It appeared to be some kind of riding leathers… decent, sturdy clothes, amongst a few other supplies.

"You made a different plan?" Nagisa said quietly, looking down at the supplies.

"It was a long day," Karma said, "so get dressed."

Nagisa did as he said, with no capacity to be ashamed of stripping off. With the fabric on his body, Nagisa could tell it wasn't designed for sitting around courts. When he was done with the trousers and shirt, Karma looked him over carefully, as though he was inspecting his handiwork. Nagisa might have even felt a little shy, if they were in better circumstances.

"This is yours?" He asked, holding up the knife Irina had passed him all that time ago. Instead of simply handing it over, though, he reached behind him, grabbed his hair in on position, and _sliced_.

"Wh- "

Karma looked serious, handing over the blade but keeping what was a considerable length of the blue hair in his grip. "You don't want to be mistaken for a woman out there."

His hand went to the back of his head, and the absence of his longer hair felt incredibly strange. He knew, though, that they didn't have any kind of time to just stand around. Karma was wearing a hood, so Nagisa elected to pull his up too as he was lead out of what seemed to be a back exit, only to find a horse with supplies already strapped to it.

"You won't get anywhere on foot," Karma explained.

Nagisa's eyes darted between them, before all he could think to do was fling his arms around Karma's shoulders, pulling him in for one final embrace. "I won't forget this."

"Come on," his throat was strained. "We don't have time."

He looked down at Potechi. "What about… him? Karma-"

Karma just shrugged, though. "He's a wild animal. If he wants to follow you, then I can't stop him."

There was no further argument to be had. Nagisa braced himself, before finally mounting the horse Karma had brought him. It wasn't any of the 'main' Akabane horses, he felt somewhat certain, likely one who wouldn't be missed. He was still a little dazed, but with the adrenaline running through him, he was pretty sure he would be able to ride.

"Good luck," Karma said.

All Nagisa could do was nod, as he took hold of the reins and squeezed his thighs. The horse took off without much provocation, and suddenly looking behind him wasn't even an option. Potechi had definitely decided to follow, matching their pace pretty easily. There was more Nagisa felt he should have said, but as he sped out of the village, the taste of civilisation he knew, it was too late.

All Nagisa could do was ride off into the night.


End file.
